I Don’t Think My Friend’s Boyfriend Likes Her. I’m Stuck In The Middle Of Them! Should I Tell Her?

Okay, story time! For realz though, I need a little advice, girls. And I can’t think of a better place to get it than here, so please help me out! Read on to hear my story and then tell me what you think I should do:

Here’s what’s happening: A few months ago, my best friend (let’s call her Stacy, because I have no friends with that name) started casually dating my brother’s best friend (who we’ll call George, because I like that name). I  introduced Stacy and George to each other, not really thinking they would hit it off – but when they did, I was thrilled. Yay! One of my best friends was dating my brother’s best friend! I imagined us all hanging out all the time in a cute little group and I thought it would be awesome.

Wrong. Oh, I was so, so wrong. See, here’s the problem: George also happens to be one of my good friends. I’ve known him forever and he’s always at my house, going on vacay with my family because, obviously, he’s my brother’s best friend. It didn’t take long before I found myself stuck in the middle, as is what usually happens when two of your good friends start dating.

At first, it was stuff I could handle. I’d hang out with Stacy and she would ask me if George had said anything about her, or if my brother had said anything about her and George. Or she’d ask me stuff about George, like what I knew about his past relationships. Fine. I would spill to her. I like Stacy better than George (harsh, but true) and we had the whole “girl code” thing happening, so my loyalty was with Stacy.

Then things got a little more intense. One example: George had a family event coming up that he needed a date for. George had known about this event since he started dating Stacy, but for some reason, he told my brother that he didn’t want to bring her (bad idea, George: my brother likes to gossip to me). He even asked my brother to go with him! When my brother said no, I guess he eventually decided to just go for it and in the end, he asked Stacy to go.

When Stacy told me, she was super excited about it. I felt guilt rise up in my like a bad stomachache. I wanted to tell her the truth – that she was his second choice after my brother – SO badly. She deserved to know! But how could I burst her happy little bubble and tell her something like that? I couldn’t. So, I kept my mouth shut and decided to stay out of it.

A few weeks later, I saw George comment on a picture of a girl and say something about how “hot” she was. My first instinct was to pick up my phone and text Stacy. She should know that her sort-of-BF was kind of a jerk, right? But my boyfriend convinced me not to say anything. “You’re just going to get yourself stuck in the middle, Jess. You think George isn’t going to realize who told Stacy about that comment?” I knew he was right. Besides, it was just a harmless comment, right? Did it really warrant a huge fight that I didn’t want to be involved in? I kept quiet.

But now things are getting worse. Earlier this week, my brother said to me, “So, George and Stacy are done, I guess?” I had just hung out with Stacy, who had told me that things were going great with George, so I was confused. When I asked him what he was talking about, he told me that George had been saying that he wasn’t that into Stacy anymore and he was going to stop talking to her. This was the complete opposite of what Stacy had been telling me about George. WTF?

This weekend, Stacy is having a little party and invited George, my brother and their friends. Yesterday, my brother told me that George was trying to convince everyone not to go to Stacy’s party! And when my brother said he was going, George got totally annoyed. Last I had heard from Stacy, George was going and she was thrilled.

When my brother told me this, my first thought was, “Okay, last straw.” I mean, how can I not tell my BFF all of this stuff? She’s my friend! She really likes this guy and I don’t want him to hurt her. I feel like if I were Stacy in this situation, I would want to know that this guy I’ve been dating for months has been saying really crappy things behind my back. And if I knew one of my best friends knew this, I would want her to be honest with me. So obviously I really want to tell Stacy what my brother told me.

But at the same time, I’m scared. Stacy really likes George and I don’t want to be the reason they break up. Also, George is my brother’s best friend and he’s my friend – if he finds out that I’m the reason Stacy stopped talking to him, he’s going to get mad at not only me, but my brother too. Even though I have my brother’s blessing to tell Stacy all of this stuff (because even my brother thinks it’s messed up), I’m scared to start all of this drama.

So, what would should I do? I usually try my hardest not to get involved in other people’s relationships, but this is really bugging me. I feel like I have an obligation to be honest with my friend. Should I get in the middle or should I mind my own business? Should I let her figure out that he’s a jerk herself? Am I a bad friend if I don’t say anything? HELP!!!! Tell me your advice in the comments below.


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  • gadie

    I’m in the same kind of situation. I don’t know what to do either, thats why I’m here. But I would advise you to tell her even though it’s super difficult!

  • St3ph

    You could either tell Stacy everything George has been saying or talk to George about telling Stacy himself what he thinks about her and break up with her.

  • Gicelle

    I think she would want to know. You’re already in the middle whether you like it or not. You’re not the one breaking them up, George is. Them not being together would be beneficial to everybody. You wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore, Stacy wouldn’t be being strung on, and George wouldn’t have to keep faking it. I don’t want your friend to feel like an idiot for not noticing sooner, and if your loyalty is to her, you should tell her. She WON’T be pleased if she finds all this out from someone else, and that you knew the whole time but didn’t tell her. George sounds like he’s being really uncool…I know he’s your friend and all, but that doesn’t mean you can let him treat Stacy however he wants. Stacy deserves to be free of him, so that she can find someone who appreciates her better, and if George is cool, he’ll understand that as girl BFFs, you’re obligated to help do whats best for each other (guy wise).

  • Rachel

    I don’t think you should tell Stacy about it. Let her figure it out, but DO drop hints.

  • Superbandgeek

    I would confront George and tell him how you feel about this. Tell him that you are unhappy with how he is treating Stacy and you want it to stop and that if it doesn’t start treating Stacy better, you will tell her what he has been doing.

  • ipek

    sorry,i was going to say your bestfriend not our

  • ipek

    im ipek from turkey.im 17 and i think that you should tell everything to Stacy because she’s our bestfriend.she’s like your sister.and its obvious that things getting worse day by day and at the end,she’s going to fall apart when she finds out and maybe she will never ever talk to you if she find out that you knew everything but you didn’t tell the truth.and she’s right.and maybe some people are going to mad at you too.besides,George is a jerk so dont let your best friends or unbiogical sister date with a jerk.