15 Hilarious Names For Masturbation You Should Start Using

In case you didn’t realize, the past month (May) has been National Masturbation Month. Yes, it’s been a month dedicated to making yourself feel good. Amazing, right? Anyway, since it’s the last day of May and the last day of our new favorite monthly holiday, we’re celebrating by talking about masturbation – in particular, funny names for masturbation.

Masturbation itself can be sort of a taboo word (although it shouldn’t be), so obviously a lot of people come up with their own weird little names for it. Here’s what I learned when finding these nicknames: people enjoy alliteration and they also like including animals into their masturbation phrase. Want to spice up your sexy vocab? Start using these amazing names for masturbation:

Have you ever used any of these nicknames? Which one is your favorite? What did I miss? What do YOU call masturbation? Tell me in the comments!


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  1. avatarNikki says:

    I like to say ‘feeding the pony’

  2. avatarDani says:

    Scratchin’ the record :)

  3. avatarAmy says:

    When I am interrupted by the phone or a knock at the door, I let them know
    ” I’m REALLY BUSY right now” and that I’ll have to get back to them later.
    It turns my husband on to know I was ” REALLY BUSY ” during my day!

  4. avatarCharlotte says:

    I’ve heard of flicking the bean before. I use ‘smexy wanky hand time’ or ‘going on a date with Handrew.’

  5. avatarmickeymouse344 says:

    Lol the “Man in the boat” one made me laugh.

  6. avatarLindsey says:

    I heard a funny one on the radio – “Riding to Oklahoma on a unicycle”

    Isn’t it sad, though, that there are only weird, dumb names for female masturbation? So few in fact that a couple for guys had to be included? Why is it so taboo for girls to masturbate??

  7. avatarEmily says:

    Can I just say that that is a kayak and not a canoe…

  8. avatarIsabella says:

    This just made my day thanks.

  9. avatarZoZo says:

    My guess is that the “wizard’s sleeve” refers to the long vertical arm hole. Look at the picture.

  10. avatarEmma says:

    flicking the bean. also, as for the wizard one, it’s saying you’re digging around in your vagina.

  11. avatarkylee says:

    The wizard’s sleeve is sort of ovalish shaped like a vagina, I guess. And scrounging through the sleeve is like putting objects or fingers into your, uh, fun zone… maybe.

  12. avatarshannon says:

    what about petting the kitty?!

  13. avatarPherö says:

    Yep… fish tacos are a real dish… They sell them alot in the coasts in México XD for the adventurous palette I must say tho.

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