15 Hilarious Names For Masturbation You Should Start Using

In case you didn’t realize, the past month (May) has been National Masturbation Month. Yes, it’s been a month dedicated to making yourself feel good. Amazing, right? Anyway, since it’s the last day of May and the last day of our new favorite monthly holiday, we’re celebrating by talking about masturbation – in particular, funny names for masturbation.

Masturbation itself can be sort of a taboo word (although it shouldn’t be), so obviously a lot of people come up with their own weird little names for it. Here’s what I learned when finding these nicknames: people enjoy alliteration and they also like including animals into their masturbation phrase. Want to spice up your sexy vocab? Start using these amazing names for masturbation:

Have you ever used any of these nicknames? Which one is your favorite? What did I miss? What do YOU call masturbation? Tell me in the comments!


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  1. avatar Nikki says:

    I like to say ‘feeding the pony’

  2. avatar Dani says:

    Scratchin’ the record :)

  3. avatar Amy says:

    When I am interrupted by the phone or a knock at the door, I let them know
    ” I’m REALLY BUSY right now” and that I’ll have to get back to them later.
    It turns my husband on to know I was ” REALLY BUSY ” during my day!

  4. avatar Charlotte says:

    I’ve heard of flicking the bean before. I use ‘smexy wanky hand time’ or ‘going on a date with Handrew.’

  5. avatar mickeymouse344 says:

    Lol the “Man in the boat” one made me laugh.

  6. avatar Lindsey says:

    I heard a funny one on the radio – “Riding to Oklahoma on a unicycle”

    Isn’t it sad, though, that there are only weird, dumb names for female masturbation? So few in fact that a couple for guys had to be included? Why is it so taboo for girls to masturbate??

  7. avatar Emily says:

    Can I just say that that is a kayak and not a canoe…

  8. avatar Isabella says:

    This just made my day thanks.

  9. avatar ZoZo says:

    My guess is that the “wizard’s sleeve” refers to the long vertical arm hole. Look at the picture.

  10. avatar Emma says:

    flicking the bean. also, as for the wizard one, it’s saying you’re digging around in your vagina.

  11. avatar kylee says:

    The wizard’s sleeve is sort of ovalish shaped like a vagina, I guess. And scrounging through the sleeve is like putting objects or fingers into your, uh, fun zone… maybe.

  12. avatar shannon says:

    what about petting the kitty?!

  13. avatar Pherö says:

    Yep… fish tacos are a real dish… They sell them alot in the coasts in México XD for the adventurous palette I must say tho.

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