Boards
In case you didn’t realize, the past month (May) has been National Masturbation Month. Yes, it’s been a month dedicated to making yourself feel good. Amazing, right? Anyway, since it’s the last day of May and the last day of our new favorite monthly holiday, we’re celebrating by talking about masturbation – in particular, funny names for masturbation.
Masturbation itself can be sort of a taboo word (although it shouldn’t be), so obviously a lot of people come up with their own weird little names for it. Here’s what I learned when finding these nicknames: people enjoy alliteration and they also like including animals into their masturbation phrase. Want to spice up your sexy vocab? Start using these amazing names for masturbation:
Paddling The Pink Canoe
I get this one. But I'm not going to lie, it freaks me out a little for some reason. Source: ShutterStockWax The Dolphin
Okay, I don't really get this at all. Where did dolphins come from, exactly? Source: ShutterStockTeasing The Tuna Taco
Are tuna tacos a REAL thing? Like a real food? Is it wrong that this phrase makes me hungry? Source: ShutterStockPolishing The Peal
There are worse things our vaginas could be compared to than pearls, girls. You'll see. Source: ShutterStockAnswer The Bone-A-Phone
Okay, I know this one is meant for dudes, but... it had to be included. It's hilarious. Source: ShutterStockCouch Hockey For One
This makes for a pretty convenient phrase, if you switch it up a little. The next time someone asks you what you're doing, you can be like, "oh just playing hockey for one" and they''ll NEVER KNOW. Unless they read Gurl.com. Source: ShutterStockBuck The Slobbering Donkey
I don't know if this refers to female or male masturbation, or maybe both, and I don't know what a slobbering donkey is and now I'm just grossed out. Source: ShutterStockDrown The Man In The Boat
A popular way to say "clitoris" is "man in the boat." And I guess you're drowning "him" in... you know what, let's not get into this. Source: ShutterStockDouble Clicking The Mouse
This one makes me giggle. Double meanings. Hehehehe. Source: ShutterStockFanning The Fur
Fur as in, you know, pubic hair. Ew. I hate this one. Source: ShutterStockSqueeze The Peach
Ahhh, yes. Who hasn't seen a peach and immediately thought of a vagina, am I right? This makes sense. Source: ShutterStockGo To The Bank
I don't understand this one at all. Nope. Not even going to pretend I get it. Source: ShutterStockParting The Red Sea
You know, like when you have your period? I just... no. Source: ShutterStockTugging At The Vertical Smile
Aww, what an adorable way to describe a vagina! Source: ShutterStockScrounging Through The Wizard's Sleeve
Maybe this one is going over my head? I don't get it, HELP! Source: ShutterStockHave you ever used any of these nicknames? Which one is your favorite? What did I miss? What do YOU call masturbation? Tell me in the comments!
10 gross names for your period
Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter
Would You Rather?
I heard a funny one on the radio – “Riding to Oklahoma on a unicycle”
Isn’t it sad, though, that there are only weird, dumb names for female masturbation? So few in fact that a couple for guys had to be included? Why is it so taboo for girls to masturbate??
Can I just say that that is a kayak and not a canoe…
This just made my day thanks.
My guess is that the “wizard’s sleeve” refers to the long vertical arm hole. Look at the picture.
flicking the bean. also, as for the wizard one, it’s saying you’re digging around in your vagina.
The wizard’s sleeve is sort of ovalish shaped like a vagina, I guess. And scrounging through the sleeve is like putting objects or fingers into your, uh, fun zone… maybe.
what about petting the kitty?!
Yep… fish tacos are a real dish… They sell them alot in the coasts in México XD for the adventurous palette I must say tho.