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Who else remembers that scene from Mean Girls when Cady hangs out with Regina, Gretchen and Karen for the first time? Regina, Gretchen and Karen are just casually looking in the mirror when they start ripping themselves apart, saying things like, “God, my hips are huge,” “Oh please, I hate my calves,” and the more ridiculous, “My nail beds suck.” Cady is totally confused and silent until they all look at her and she realizes that she needs to insult herself also, so she offers up a weak, and way too personal, “I have really bad breath in the morning.”

The scene is undoubtedly funny – but if you really pay attention to it, it’s also kind of sad. That’s because the reason the scene is so funny is because it’s relatable. How many of us have found ourselves in this exact same situation, insulting ourselves in front of friends because they insulted themselves first? I can’t even be a hypocrite and say I’ve never done it, because I have. Girls, this needs to stop. 

One of the most common ways of doing this is engaging in some good ole’ fashion fat talk. By fat talk I mean you and your friends sitting around complaining about how “fat” you all are. A lot of us do it and while it may seem like a harmless and very weird way to bond, it’s actually really, really hurting our self-esteem. I mean, is it any surprise that criticizing our own body in front of others is making us actually hate the way we look?

The topic was discussed on The Today Show recently and one psychologist called this kind of fat talk “disastrous.” She says that pointing out your “flaws” and talking badly about yourself is ruining your self-esteem and calls it “body bashing.” And she’s right – fat talk sucks! We don’t like when others talk badly about our bodies, so why do we feel like it’s okay to bash our bodies ourselves?

Not only is this horrible for our self-esteem and our confidence, but it’s also pretty annoying. Think about it: do you really like hearing your friend, who you think is gorgeous, complain about how fat she thinks she is? Um, no! It’s frustrating to hear because even when you try to tell her she’s wrong, she argues with you about it! It’s a lose-lose situation. No one likes to hear others bring themselves down – honestly, it comes off as kind of pathetic and a little desperate.

Don’t be like Cady.

So why do girls fat talk even though no one actually enjoys it? I think these are the major reasons:

Your friends are doing it and you feel like you have to join in. When all of your friends are whining about how fat they are, are you going to sit there silently or join in? Probably join in. But you don’t have to! You should never feel like you need to put yourself down for other people.

You feel ashamed of being confident/don’t know how to take a compliment. It’s practically a fact that the majority of women have trouble accepting compliments. How many times do you hear a version of this conversation: Friend 1: “You look so great in that dress!” Friend 2: “Ugh, I think my legs look gross, though!” Here’s how it should go: Friend 1: “You look so great in that dress!” Friend 2: “Thank you!” Simple.

You’re looking for a compliment. Sometimes when we say something like, “I’m soooo fat,” we’re waiting for our friend to be like, “No, you’re gorgeous!” Why? That little compliment feels good. But wouldn’t you rather get real compliments out of nowhere instead of having someone compliment you because they feel like they have to?

It’s an easy way to “bond.” Fat talk has been around FOREVER, unfortunately. And, also unfortunately, it’s an easy way to get girls talking to each other. Putting yourselves down almost makes you feel like you’re bonding, in a sick and weird way.

Whatever the reason behind your fat talk, you need to stop. Don’t be apart of this self-esteem ruining epidemic any longer! Fat talk is not as innocent as it seems – it’s making you feel crappy about yourself and guess what? That feels really, well, crappy. It’s not cool to put yourself down – it’s cool and inspiring to love yourself and accept your body. You should never feel like it’s a bad thing to be too confident. I mean, I’m not going to advise you to run around telling everyone how amazing and gorgeous you are, but a healthy dose of confidence can only be a good thing.

Do you ever engage in fat talk with your friends? What do you say when your friend says she’s fat? Does this make you feel worse about yourself? Tell me in the comments.

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