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We’ve always promoted being happy with the body you have. And you should be, even when you’re shedding your layers of clothing for more summer appropriate apparel. No matter whether you’re a size zero or a size 16, body positivity can be a huge confidence booster.
But I’m sure some of you simply scoff at this notion of body positivity and you want some real advice on how to achieve the perfect, socially acceptable bikini body to hit the beach this summer. Well, this is the lazy girl’s guide for you. Follow our steps for achieving the perfect bikini body.
Cocoon Yourself
You'll definitely fulfill society's beauty standards by the time that you emerge from a short stay in your own cocoon. It works for butterflies, so it should work for us too. We're all animals, that's how science works I think.Source: ShutterstockOne Bite Only
You know those Carl's Jr commercials where all these models eat these massive burgers for the pleasure of the male gaze? Well, that seems to be working out perfectly for them, so just eat one bite of a giant burger every day. You'll feel your hotness flourishing with every bite.Source: ShutterstockShrink
When you put your clothes in the dryer for too long they shrink, right? Well, you can achieve the same level of socially acceptable tininess if you do the same thing. Just make sure you wear protective heat like a helmet and some elbow/knee pads.Source: ShutterstockGet Shipwrecked
Destiny's Child found themselves stranded on a deserted island with nothing more than the clothes on their back and a million dollar film budget when they made their music video for "Survivor." And they looked hotter than ever! So get shipwrecked and wait for the magic to happen.Source: YouTubeBecome A Walking Cover Girl
If you can't have the perfect beach body, at least tape loads of photos of perfect beach bodies to yourself. There's nothing like being plastered in photos of skinny women to make you feel like a winner.Source: ShutterstockYou Are What You Eat
Consider light cannibalism. I mean, you are what you eat, right? If you eat babes, you'll become a babe. Again, that's totally how science works.Source: ShutterstockTan Tan Tan
The crispier, the better; the more leathery looking, the hotter. Consider forgoing sunscreen and defiantly forget about common sense. Burnt orange is the new black. If you can schedule a trip to the sun, book it ASAP.Source: Photo WennGet A Body Double
Body doubles are used all the time in action movies and sex scenes. Why not get in on the benefits? Your body double will fool everyone into thinking that you have body that is allowed to be seen in a bikini.Source: ShutterstockGet Some Tats
If you tattoo a bikini onto your skin, then you'll technically always have a bikini body. You can just get a touch up to reflect current trends! Bonus points for tattooing some awesome cleavage.Source: ShutterstockJust Wear A Bikini
If you've done all of these steps and still haven't achieved the perfect bikini body, so what? What is the perfect bikini body anyway? Whatever some awful thinspiration blog tells you? Wear a bikini and be the hottie that you already are!Source: ShutterstockWhat do you think of these tips? What else are we pressured to do to meet society’s standards? Tell us in the comments!
10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Buying My First Bikini
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The Snooki slide cracked me u lol!
LAME!
I was expecting real tips
What, did you not read the title? Its not called Lazy Girl’s Guide for nothing. Plus the last one was an actual tip, if you love your body you’ll think you look perfect in any bikini.
When I first saw the title of this post, I was disappointed to say the least. But now, I must say I am extremely proud at the sardonic view point this post has taken.
Thank heavens there are perhaps millions of girls reading this, and getting an awakening.
I’m gonna wear my one-piece with dignity!