Straight Talk With Shallon: Am I Bad In Bed? How Can I Be Better At Sex?

Do you do this in bed...nothing? Source: Shutterstock

Do you do this in bed…nothing? Source: Shutterstock

Hey Shallon,

I’ve been with my BF for awhile and we have great sex but I never quite know what I should be doing! If I’m on top, yeah duh, I’m supposed to move, but if I’m not…?? I always wonder if I’m making too much noise or not enough or moving around enough?! Ahh I’m so confused! Am I secretly bad in bed and I just don’t know it? Help!



Confused Carly Darling,

I TOTALLY know what you mean, I felt like this for years! Part of the problem is that once you see porn or a sex scene in a movie you’re like “OMFG is that what I’m supposed to be doing?!” Um no. That’s an extreme example, not a real representation of how people actually hookup, and dudes know that (we hope). But the one thing porn girls are doing is participating.

So what does it look like if you aren’t participating? Paris Hilton’s sex tape.

Seriously. It’s widely considered to be the worst sex ever captured in human history. Why? Paris just…lays there. She makes zero noise, hardly ever looks at the dude (he was a total douche so I can’t really blame her on that one) and just generally looks bored. No guy (or girl for that matter) wants to feel like their partner would rather be somewhere else.  

So, are some things to do during sex that will  let your fella know that you’re really feelin’ it:

  • When he’s on top, wrap your legs around his torso and squeeze him with your thighs the same time you squeeze with the little lady. 
  • Grab his hair, look into his eyes and bite your lip–very Angelina Jolie.
  • Whisper hot things in his ear–check out my post on dirty talk to find out what!
  • Grab his bum and pull him into you.
  • If he’s bending you over the bed, suck on your finger and make eye contact.
  • Run your fingers through your own hair–there’s a reason why “bed head” is considered sexy!

Do those things and I can guarantee you’ll stop worrying that you’re bad in bed – and I think both you and your boyfriend will be happy, too!



Want me to give you advice? Feel free to leave your love Qs in the comments or drop me an email to and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ShallonXO


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  • pinkheart

    What can be sexier than puling on his ass and making sure he goes deeper. To me that is one of the sexiest things when it comes to sex.

  • DestinyWriter94

    Well, what if your a virgin and your with an experienced guy? Does it always hurt the first time and do you really bleed? Thank you sorry…wasn’t exactly easy for me to ask this Lol

    • Natasha

      Hi! I totally get that it wasn’t easy to ask, and good job reaching out for advice! I recently lost my virginity to a more experienced guy, and it wasn’t all that painful. (I did bleed a little, though.) The biggest thing is communication! Make sure you let the guy know how to get you turned on enough to be ready for penetrative sex. If you skip the foreplay and rush into the “main event,” so to speak, that’s what makes first-time sex painful. There are lots of super helpful articles on this site with tips about sex. And when it comes time, good luck!