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Hi Heather,
Alright, so this is a pretty unusual situation as far as things like this go. I just found out that my two best girl friends in the entire world are lesbians and that they’re dating! I feel like a third wheel whenever I’m with them. They seem happy and I don’t want to mess that up, but I also don’t want to feel like a third wheel. I also feel like I’m going to lose my two best friends… to each other. Sometimes I feel like there is no resolution for this. Please help me Heather.
Oh man. This is definitely a rough situation. I understand where you’re coming from – no one likes to feel like a third wheel. It’s totally understandable for you to feel left out and a little bummed out, even if you’re happy for your friends at the same time.
You have two options here: you can voice your concerns to your friends or you can try to move on and stop hanging out with them. I’d like to think that the second choice isn’t an option, since I’m assuming you don’t want to lose either of your friends. Instead, try talking to them. If they are really your best friends, they’ll hear you out and do what they can to keep your friendship intact.
If you really honestly feel like they’re leaving you out, then you should say something. Approach them either separately or together, whatever you feel more comfortable doing, and just say that you love both of them and you’re so happy for both of them, but you feel a little left out. Let them know how much you don’t want to lose them as a friend. Say that you have no problem with their sexual orientation, but you want to continue to hang out with them without always feeling like you’re intruding on one of their private dates. You don’t need to be mean – just be honest and clear with them. Sometimes, new couples don’t realize how alienating they’re being. It’s okay to let them know nicely!
Talking to them should hopefully clear some things up, but - and this is a bummer – you should know that some things are going to change now that your best friends are dating. It will feel like it’s them against you because, well, it sort of is. I know that stinks to hear, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t continue being best friends with them. You should just get used to the idea of them hanging out without you and getting closer without you. And as much as that may suck, it’s also okay. Friendships won’t always stay the same over time – they evolve and change just like any other relationship. If you guys are truly all friends, you’ll be able to work around this stuff and stay friends.
take care,
Heather
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