From The Message Boards: How Do I Tell My Little Sis I’m Not A Virgin?

Virginity, and sex in general, is a really personal thing. I’ve said time and time again that your sex life is no one’s business, and I will always stand by that. But when should you talk about it, if ever?

This week on the message boards, you girls are talking about if you should tell your younger sister that you lost your virginity. Should you tell her just to have a more open relationship? Or tell her in order to warn her about sex?

Let’s see what y’all had to say:

lucidkitty said:

You telling her isn’t going to stop her from having sex if that’s what you think. Tell her that you aren’t one, and say you are there to talk to her if she needs to about that stuff. But if you are like “erhmagerd ner serrxxxxxx”, chances are she won’t ever open up.

SmileyVamp said:
She isn’t going to ask permission to start having sex. It’s not like you did. Just let her know you are there if she needs to talk. You can’t stop her from having sex, but you can make sure she is safe about it. Don’t make it sound like you are just assuming she is having sex though. She could be a completely different teen than you were, and you don’t want to offend her.

open4801 said:
It’s up to you if you want to tell. Most sisters know it but they just don’t say anything first. So she may already know you’re not a virgin. Telling her will let her know that you care for her, but she has a mind of her own. Think of it as gurl.com. You’re giving and asking advice, but it’s up to that person to take your words and learn from it. I say tell and let her know why your telling her.

Since I don’t have any biological sisters, I asked a few of my friends for some input. One friend’s older sister told her she wasn’t a virgin when we were both very young. She basically became our go-to person to ask questions about sex, which was really helpful especially since my friend and I weren’t comfortable enough talking to our parents.

Another friend of mine is an older sister. She didn’t tell her younger sister she wasn’t a virgin because she didn’t want her sister to think she should have sex just because her older sister did. And they didn’t have the type of sisterly bond where they could talk about sex openly.

So I honestly think it depends on your relationship with your sister. If you’re going to tell her as some kind of warning to not have sex, don’t. Talking to a sibling, especially a younger one, is a very personal conversation. Don’t use it as some sort of lecturing device.

If I had an older sister, I would have wanted her to tell me so I knew I had someone I could talk to. I say, if you think it feels right to tell your baby sis, then tell her. She might be scared to ask you!
 
Would you tell your little sister that you’re not a virgin? If you’re a younger sister, would you want to know? Tell us in the comments!

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5 Comments

  1. avatarKayla C says:

    Well I think it is important to wait until they are at an appropriate age to even talk about sex with them. They don’t need to know about your love life until their having one of their own. If you are planning on telling them that you are not a virgin i suggest that you also make sure to tell them that you were mature about it, and used protection (hopefully you did). Depending on how old your little sis is they might ask certain questions about who it was, did it hurt, what was it like? I feel it is important to make sure you remind them that they are worth a lot and that their body is important. Because they are your younger sister they might feel that since you did it that they can do it also, which is not true.

  2. avatarNerdAlert says:

    Hey, I totally get being uncomfortable. If you and your sis are close tell her GENTLY that you had sex. If you aren’t maybe you should wait.

  3. avatarKitty says:

    I am currently still a virgin, and recently had a conversation with my boyfriend about the line I’m not ready to cross (The Belt Line, as my Mom eloquently put it). My sister is younger than me, and we have a very open and close relationship. When I have sex for the first time (I hate the phrase “lose my virginity”…), I will tell her and my mom, as we both have a very close and open relationship with her as well… and I know she will tell me when she does too. I feel like it is important to share this wonderful experience with your closest “sisters” (biological or spiritual) as it is a special journey for ever woman… just like your first period.

  4. avatarSueSukk96 says:

    About a year or so after my older sister lost her virginity, she told me about it. She made it clear it’s important to make sure you’re 100% comfortable with doing it, because she regrets having sex at a young age and not having it with the right person. I use her experience as an example to wait to have sex until I find the right person to have it with. :D

  5. avatarRipley says:

    My older sister (she’s older by five and a half years) told me the year after she lost it. I waited a couple of months to tell her when I gave my virginity away because she’s moved out now, and I didn’t want anyone to over hear. Me and my sis have a really good relationship though, and we’re pretty close. Not all sisters are like that.

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