From The Message Boards: How Do I Tell My Little Sis I’m Not A Virgin?

Virginity, and sex in general, is a really personal thing. I’ve said time and time again that your sex life is no one’s business, and I will always stand by that. But when should you talk about it, if ever?

This week on the message boards, you girls are talking about if you should tell your younger sister that you lost your virginity. Should you tell her just to have a more open relationship? Or tell her in order to warn her about sex?

Let’s see what y’all had to say:

lucidkitty said:

You telling her isn’t going to stop her from having sex if that’s what you think. Tell her that you aren’t one, and say you are there to talk to her if she needs to about that stuff. But if you are like “erhmagerd ner serrxxxxxx”, chances are she won’t ever open up.

SmileyVamp said:
She isn’t going to ask permission to start having sex. It’s not like you did. Just let her know you are there if she needs to talk. You can’t stop her from having sex, but you can make sure she is safe about it. Don’t make it sound like you are just assuming she is having sex though. She could be a completely different teen than you were, and you don’t want to offend her.

open4801 said:
It’s up to you if you want to tell. Most sisters know it but they just don’t say anything first. So she may already know you’re not a virgin. Telling her will let her know that you care for her, but she has a mind of her own. Think of it as You’re giving and asking advice, but it’s up to that person to take your words and learn from it. I say tell and let her know why your telling her.

Since I don’t have any biological sisters, I asked a few of my friends for some input. One friend’s older sister told her she wasn’t a virgin when we were both very young. She basically became our go-to person to ask questions about sex, which was really helpful especially since my friend and I weren’t comfortable enough talking to our parents.

Another friend of mine is an older sister. She didn’t tell her younger sister she wasn’t a virgin because she didn’t want her sister to think she should have sex just because her older sister did. And they didn’t have the type of sisterly bond where they could talk about sex openly.

So I honestly think it depends on your relationship with your sister. If you’re going to tell her as some kind of warning to not have sex, don’t. Talking to a sibling, especially a younger one, is a very personal conversation. Don’t use it as some sort of lecturing device.

If I had an older sister, I would have wanted her to tell me so I knew I had someone I could talk to. I say, if you think it feels right to tell your baby sis, then tell her. She might be scared to ask you!
Would you tell your little sister that you’re not a virgin? If you’re a younger sister, would you want to know? Tell us in the comments!

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  • Ale

    My lil sister rocks (she’s 13 im 20), she recently found a pregnancy test that i hid in my room (yeah, so stupid of me) and she told me, and she said ”dont worry, you know we are sisters and we count on each other, sisters are for keeping secrets ๐Ÿ™‚ ” And i was all like “OMG noooo, what an example am I giving to you, you shouldnt be knowing this stuff..” but then after thinking i told her ”well.. yeah, its normal, im 20 and well, if you ever need something im here and always remember to use protection ๐Ÿ™‚ its not because i dont use it but i used to be very irregular and i got scared”
    aaaand yup, that’s it, she’s a sweetheart ๐Ÿ™‚ sometimes i get scared of the fact that i may give her a bad example for her knowing i have sex and stuff buuut, well, at the end i guess its a good example because i already told her that she can count on me and that things should be done responsibly and with full consent ๐Ÿ™‚ -besides im 20-

  • Careebear

    My sister threatened me. I have yet to tell her I’m not a Virgin. I’m scared, she’s had quite the experiences with men. I don’t understand, her expectations are no where NEAR my reality. She’s never going to know the truth, this us between God, my mother, my past lovers and I. It’s not cool to live in fear of your very first bestfriend, in her mind and in the mind of the rest of my family I will be married as a “Virgin” and that’s that,

  • alysson

    When I was 14yrs old my 12 yr old sister walked in on me while I was in the process of losing my virginity and having full blown sex with my bf. It was really embarrassing especially after I realised that she had been watching us for a while. I was worried also because the guy was many years older than me and I didnt want her telling anyone what she had seen. I explained about sex to her in my own simple way thinking that she was a little kid. Little did I relaise that she had a crush on the same guy. She cried a lot and called me mean but never let me know that she liked him. I couldnt work out why she was so upset with me.
    I broke up with the guy a month later because I felt it was getting too risky and things didnt seem to be working. My friends kept telling me I could get him in trouble and I didnt want that happening to him.
    Recently I had gone to his place to collect something that I had left behind a while ago and to my surprise I found my younger sister in bed with him. I had a key to his place and as he had his music loud he didnt hear me enter.
    I did exactly as she did to me. I waited behind the door and watched them. I wasnt horrified, just surprised that my now 13 yr old sister was so capable of having sex. He was having a great time and was telling her how he enjoyed her and the sex with her.I was surprised how much she knew and how well she could do things and enjoy things, like oral, with him. It was a revelation. My baby sister was actually asking him to eat her out and to stick his tongue in deep as he was doing it to her. She kept telling him how much she wanted him inside her. She was not shy and even masturbated while he watched her do that. The conversation between them was full on with the use of the “C” and “F” words in full swing. I thought to myself OMG my baby sister is not a baby.

    I didnt say a word. They were well into it. I just left without saying anything. She still hasn’t told me anything and I havent said anything to her too. I guess he is her first love and I dont want to spoil it for her.

    This is just to tell you tht many younger girls know a lot about sex already. I couldnt stop what she was going to be doing with him. But, I was so pleased that he had a condom on while he was inside her. I knew they were both being sensible and responsible. Had he not worn a condom I would have rushed in and stopped them. I would be horrified if he got her pregnant. So younger sisters, you will be surprised, actually know a lot more than you think. They like giving the impression that they are naive and innocent. They are not.

  • Kayla C

    Well I think it is important to wait until they are at an appropriate age to even talk about sex with them. They don’t need to know about your love life until their having one of their own. If you are planning on telling them that you are not a virgin i suggest that you also make sure to tell them that you were mature about it, and used protection (hopefully you did). Depending on how old your little sis is they might ask certain questions about who it was, did it hurt, what was it like? I feel it is important to make sure you remind them that they are worth a lot and that their body is important. Because they are your younger sister they might feel that since you did it that they can do it also, which is not true.

    • simply-the-best

      having sex has nothing to do with self worth. How annoying this is when girls talk about self worth and sex.
      So, you think that your mom had sex because she didnt not feel she was worth anything?
      I dont understand this absurd logic that goes on in our minds.
      You make it sound that sex is so unnecessary and bad and something evil that destroys your soul and well being and that if you have sex you lose all self worth.
      This is such shitty advice. No wonder guys look at us as if we are from outer space and think we are stupid.
      Dont you think sex is enjoyable? Dont you think it isnt just the guys who like sex but us girls like sex too and that is enjoyable and fun? Why do you have to try and portray girls as being so sanctimonious and holy and that we are sacrificing ourselves to guys when we have sex with them.
      Plz stop giving such silly advice. This kind of propaganda has no role in modern society.

  • NerdAlert

    Hey, I totally get being uncomfortable. If you and your sis are close tell her GENTLY that you had sex. If you aren’t maybe you should wait.

  • Kitty

    I am currently still a virgin, and recently had a conversation with my boyfriend about the line I’m not ready to cross (The Belt Line, as my Mom eloquently put it). My sister is younger than me, and we have a very open and close relationship. When I have sex for the first time (I hate the phrase “lose my virginity”…), I will tell her and my mom, as we both have a very close and open relationship with her as well… and I know she will tell me when she does too. I feel like it is important to share this wonderful experience with your closest “sisters” (biological or spiritual) as it is a special journey for ever woman… just like your first period.

  • SueSukk96

    About a year or so after my older sister lost her virginity, she told me about it. She made it clear it’s important to make sure you’re 100% comfortable with doing it, because she regrets having sex at a young age and not having it with the right person. I use her experience as an example to wait to have sex until I find the right person to have it with. ๐Ÿ˜€

  • Ripley

    My older sister (she’s older by five and a half years) told me the year after she lost it. I waited a couple of months to tell her when I gave my virginity away because she’s moved out now, and I didn’t want anyone to over hear. Me and my sis have a really good relationship though, and we’re pretty close. Not all sisters are like that.