I grew up Catholic, which was all I ever really knew about religion for a while. The Catholic church can be pretty intense, especially when you’re young. You have to go to confession and do your first Communion and CCD (Continuing Catholic Development). There’s incense and hymns. It can be overwhelming.

I knew at a young age that I maybe wasn’t fit for Catholicism. I transferred to a private Christian school in fourth grade, and my family started going to the Methodist church that was associated with it. Methodists seemed to be more laid back than Catholics so I liked that. There was actually a separate service for teens that we all went to, which was pretty cool. It made religion seem fun.

However, the school itself was way intense when it came to religion. I felt weird that religion was my hardest class and that I was being forced to memorize Bible verses and parables. I was never taught that religion was a choice.

I switched schools in eighth grade and started going to an Episcopalian school that focused more on school than religion. We had religion classes, but it was more about ethics and being a good human being. And then in high school, religion was an elective, which I elected not to take.

Having been through a lot of really tough situations in my life, I started wondering why God would allow such terrible things to happen to my family and to me. It didn’t make sense. Even with the idea that God tests people and these things strengthen your faith, it just made me reject it.

I stopped going to church in high school, which left me feeling much more relieved. I hated the idea that I had to go to a designated place to worship or to prove something. I’m pretty sure if there is a God, he or she doesn’t care where I am if I want to chat. My high school had a mandatory chapel every week, but it didn’t feel like church. If anything, it was an hour out of the week that we got clear our heads.

During my junior year, one of my best friends passed away. It was the first time someone close to me died, and she was only fifteen. When that happened, I couldn’t fathom that there was a god who would take the life of my best friend. It just didn’t make sense to me in any capacity.

The day of my friend’s funeral, one of the really religious girls in my class and a teacher sat me down and told me that I would get over my friend’s death if I believed in God. I didn’t take to kindly to that. I found is so disrespectful for them to say that in general and horribly offensive that they said it to me on the day of my friend’s funeral.

From that point on, I didn’t know what I believed. I started becoming terribly uncomfortable when people said they would pray for me, and I still feel like that today. I think it’s a nice gesture, really. But I would rather have someone’s positive thoughts and love than prayers to something I don’t necessarily believe in.

I grew up being taught that you had to have a religion and believe in all of these things, but I realized that wasn’t the case. Religion is such a personal and private thing. No one has the right to tell you what you should or shouldn’t believe.

Right now, I’m sort of in this limbo between agnosticism and atheism. Atheists reject the idea of deities while agnostics think it’s an unknown. On the day to day, I don’t really feel like there is anything. But when I see something exceptional or have an experience that makes me super thankful to be alive, I feel like there has to be something there.

I think it’s okay not to be sure. It’s okay to not have a religion. It’s okay to believe things from multiple religions. It’s okay to learn about all kinds of religions before deciding what you believe. It’s okay because beliefs are a personal choice, which means you get to choose whatever you want.

Are you religious? Why or why not? Tell us in the comments!

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