Seriously, can we stop saying “tease” (and “slut” and “prude”). Thanks. Source: Shutterstock

I really hate the word slut. I really hate the word prude, too. But right up there with those two is another word that equally makes my blood boil: tease.

I think what I hate most about the word tease is that it is double shaming. Slut shaming and prude shaming are bad enough on their own. When someone is branded a “tease,” they are getting shamed for acting in a “suggestive way” (slut shaming) and then also for not going “all the way” (prude shaming). It’s the worst of both worlds.

When I was in college, I got called a tease by this guy I knew and it just completely threw me for a loop. I literally could not stop thinking about that term – I was so fixated on thinking about what I had done wrong to warrant being called that.

Was it for flirting in the first place? Was it that I didn’t end up doing anything with one of the guys? It was so confusing because while I tried to figure out what I could have done “right” in the situation, it seemed like there was still judgment coming from every angle.

I internalized all of this blame until I finally realized that I didn’t do anything wrong. I was living my life and being comfortable with my own choices before someone decided to add their unwarranted two cents and mess with my head. I never should have been placed in this no-win situation for something that was never anybody’s business.

I still sometimes get insecure about being called a tease that one single time. I think that should be a reminder of how lasting that can kind of terminology can be. Unfortunately, I still hear it used all time, even by my peers who really should know better. It sometimes seems to be a default word used to describe someone who is flirting.

Here’s the real deal, though: flirting and hooking up can be fun and there’s nothing wrong with doing it. At the same time, once you start flirting or hooking up, it does not need to escalate beyond your comfort zone just to make someone else happy.

At the end of the day, I know who I am and choose how I act. I am comfortable with it and that is all that matters. If other people aren’t comfortable with it, well I feel bad because that is a waste of their time.

Slut, tease and prude are all examples of derogatory terms used against a woman exercising her right to make her own choices regarding her sexuality. Those decisions should be allowed to be made without judgment from other people.

Whether you choose to have sex or you choose to not have sex, that is your personal business and it doesn’t make you any better or worse than someone who makes a different decision. It is a personal choice and not something people should be judging.

Let’s just erase “tease” from our vocabulary then, shall we? Let me fill your head space with a cooler word instead. Hey, how about sesquipedalian, which means “having many syllables.” Yeah, it is a better word than tease (and slut and prude) in absolutely every way.

How do you feel about the word “tease?” Does it bother you when people use it? What are shaming words or phrases that you wish people would stop saying? Tell us in the comments.

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