What’s the deal with dirty talk? I’ve been having sex with my boyfriend of a year and sometimes feel like the normal moans and “oohs” and “mmmms” are lame and kind of routine. I want to say other stuff but I feel SO lame busting out dirty porn words because I’m not a big cusser in general… but I do want to mix it up! Help!! How do I talk dirty??
Dear Dirty Dani,
Ugh, porn has made dirty talk SUCH a fiasco for us ladies. In porn, the girls can’t STFU and they’re always saying incredibly, and I mean really, dirty phrases that are completely inappropriate to write here. And those kinds of phrases aren’t always something regular chicas are super comfortable with–I know I’m not. But, fortunately, there’s a lot of cool vocab between nondescript moans and full-on X-rated words.
First of all, remember that the purpose of dirty talk is to express yourself–not fulfill some insane porn fantasy he might have. On his end, dirty talk serves as a barometer of how he’s doing. If you’re silent as a hostage, he might think you’re hating everything he’s doing and just gritting your teeth until it’s over. Moans, sighs and phrases are a way of saying “Yes! Good job sir! Very nice technique!” without being quite that lame and obvious.
I’m actually not a great dirty talker myself, so instead I treat bedroom chatter like a mad lib: “I love it when you put your ____ on my ______.” It doesn’t have to be ULTRA VULGAR–it could be “I love it when your mouth is on my neck.” Or, let your body to the talking. If you can’t say “I want you to go down on me,” you can trail your finger down your body and whisper “I want to feel your mouth…right here.”
Trust me, guys will find this hot. Again, it tells them that they’re on the right track. So does a simple “Oh yeah, just like that” or the best dirty talk of all, saying their name. Dudes LOVE IT when you say their name.
Another good go-to phrase is “give it to me.” It’s sexy and naughty but not Jenna Jameson-level. And guys always love to hear “you’re so hard.” I’ve never really understood the compliment of this but hey, whatever!
The most important thing to remember is to do what makes YOU comfortable. Parroting some X-rated video is going to make you feel weird and out of place–and who wants to feel that way when they’re hooking up? Sex is about connection and that’s impossible when you’re not true to yourself. So let your freak flag fly and don’t be afraid to pull out a thesaurus :)