There’s this guy who is my “friend with benefits” and I feel like he likes me but he just won’t ask me out–is he shy or what? Why won’t he take things to the next level?
Dear So Not Getting It Steph,
He’s not asking you out because… why would he? I hate the old adage “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free,” but it’s really true. Why would he ask you out when you’re giving him sex (or maybe BJ’s or whatever it is) with ZERO effort on his part?
Here’s the thing: to a guy, a girl falls into one of three categories:
1. Girlfriend (or girl you’d like to seriously date)
2. Friend (or girl you have no sexual attraction to)
3. Booty call (girl who you’re sexually attracted to but there isn’t anything else)
So, if you’ve locked yourself into the Booty Call category, you’re stuck. It may seem like he like likes you, but he doesn’t. He likes the fact that you hook up with him. And he knows that he needs to turn on the charm to ensure that that keeps happening.
Basically, write this guy off as a dude you want to date. In fact, NEVER, EVER become a FWB with a boy you’re legit interested in–it’s never going to transition to that, I don’t care what some lame episode of Girls tells you. That total BS will drive you slowly insane.
Instead, pick a hot, fun guy to be your hookup buddy. Get your sexual energy out on him so that when you do meet a BF-quality boy, you’re not overrun with hormones and put out too soon. But the biggest bit of advice I can give is that putting out DOES NOT MAKE A GUY LIKE YOU. In fact, if a boy wants to seriously date you, giving it up ASAP whenever he wants tells him that you’re just a good-time girl and not looking for a relationship.
I’m not opposed to having a side piece–if I’m at all semi-decent in bed it’s because of my college FWB!–but lying to yourself about what you really want from the guy is only going to break your heart!