From The Message Boards: I Cheated, And Now I Don’t Know What To Do

We talk about cheating a lot here on Gurl like why guys cheat or why girls always blame the other girl or how to trust a cheater.

But what happens if you are the one who cheats? This week y’all are talking about what you should do if you cheat in a relationship. Do you end your relationship? If you do end it, should you tell that you cheated?

Let’s see what you had to say!

S0Exciited said:

You don’t “owe it to him to break things off”, if anything you owe him the truth. This hookup is your breaking point and the realization that maybe you don’t love him. To tell him is the right thing to do. If you want to continue this relationship with him or at least try to work things out then this conversation should happen. If my live-in boyfriend cheated on me and was even questioning his love for me, I’d want to know. But that’s just me.

stayclassy said:

I think that cheating once isn’t necessarily telling you that you don’t love him, but I believe it’s telling you something is missing in your relationship. I think repeated cheating means you don’t love the person. Either way, I’m not at all condoning your behavior.

This can be worked through. It would be hard, but the first step is to tell him. However, in the future (whether with this guy or another guy) avoid placing yourself in the position where you could cheat… like don’t hang out alone with a guy you’re attracted to at his place, for example. And always keep an on-going communication in your relationship.

loveislikeoxygen said:

If you really care about him, I think it’s the right thing to do to be honest with him. No one wants to feel stupid and no one wants to be lied to. Telling him and facing that you hurt him is part of the consequence of cheating on someone you’re in a committed relationship with. Bottom line– I would tell him, and sooner rather than later. 

If you cheat, you need to admit to it as soon as possible. I dated a cheater for a long time and had no idea. I wish I knew the first time it happened because I wasted so much time on someone who didn’t value me enough to be faithful or honest with me.

Yes, it’s super difficult to be honest when you’ve done something bad. You don’t want to hurt the other person, but you’ve already done so by cheating even if they don’t know yet. It’s going to be so much worse for them to find out later or from someone else.

In regards to breaking up, I think if you cheated you’re not happy in your relationship in one way or another. Some couples can get through cheating, but a lot can’t.  Whether you break up or not, you should still fess up to cheating. These kinds of lies do not stay buried.

Have you ever cheated? Did you admit to it right away or did you hide it? Did you break up? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

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Posted in: Boards, Cheating
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9 Comments

  1. avatar Sarah says:

    Hi if anyone is still watching this conversation some advice would be great, i lived in mexico for 5 months with my best friend. where i met this guy who sells tickets for a club and he was a bit of an idiot with the ladie. he would message me sometimes and i liked him a lot but didnt think anything because of how he was so when he asked me to be his girlfriend i was very suprised. we had a nice time for a month and a half before i had to go back to my country. we had a bit of a bad start in the relationship and in the few months we were together he was always messaging his ex girlfriend and talking to her so i was confused and unsure. he asked me to come back after so i spent christmas with my family and in the time i was back in my country i went to a party where i ran into myex, we got drinking and talking and one thing led to another, i ended up back at his place and feeling very confused and scared aferwards. i chose not to tell my boyfriend. i came back to mexico and have been here for 5 months now, i confronted him about his ex and he swears to me he never cheated on me with her or with anyone else and has cut contact with her as i have with my ex. but he still doesnt know what happened and i have all of a sudden started feeling really guilty and torn up about it and i dont know what to do, currently in a bit of a mess any advice would be niceee x

    • avatar sharon says:

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  2. avatar apparently a terrible person says:

    I cheated on my boyfriend a few days ago while I was high, and it was the worst decision I have ever made. I was high, and I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t care, when I’m high, my inhibitions disappear and I could care less about what I’m doing. I felt terrible the next morning. I had my boyfriend over, and I broke up with him. Things between us had been dead for months, and he had clearly lost interest. I didn’t tell him I had cheated because it was too hard. But a few days later he called me, saying I was a trashy slut and that he knew what I did. I wish that I had told him up front. He would still have been just as mad, but at least he wouldn’t have been lied to. He claims that he isn’t mad that I cheated (which I personally don’t believe) but that he’s mad that I lied to him. I’m so mad at myself for turning into a person that I don’t want to be. I always talk my friends out of forgiving their cheating boyfriends because how can a decent person cheat? All of a sudden, it’s me, and I feel like there’s something seriously wrong with me. Why couldn’t I wait to hook up with someone else, why did I lie? I know/hope I’m not a terrible person, but the guilt is eating me alive. It’s this terrible gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach that won’t go away. I don’t know who I am anymore, and why I would hurt someone in a way that I had once deemed unforgivable. Someone please tell me I’m not a terrible person.

  3. avatar kittykittylicklick911 says:

    My name is Brooke. I’ve been a bisexual since middle school. I’m in college with my boyfriend right now, and lately we’ve been fighting a lot.
    A few months ago, when the relationship first began, I “made a mistake”. I got drunk at a party and kissed several other girls. I felt really ashamed of the fact that I had kissed anyone other than my amazing boyfriend (plus the fact that i got drunk, as i don’t drink often). Through a mutual friend of ours, he found out a few days ago. I am screwed.

  4. avatar unknown and broken says:

    ACTUALLY COULD ANYONE POSSIBLY ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS FOR ME?

    1.) Why would your boyfriend stay with you after you’ve cheated on him?

    2.) How would he ever be able to trust you again?

    3.) Would he cheat on you to get back and retalliate just to gain gratification of being “even”?

    IF ANYONE HAS REAL LOGICAL ANSWERS TO MY QUESTIONS I WOULD LOVE TO READ THEM..

    -TY

    • avatar Rey says:

      Because he probably still loves you. I cheated on my wife i came clean and confessed it was real hard to cope with the situation but i can say love is stronger now than before.
      About the trust, the relationship have to start over you renew everything nothing can be like it was before, but starting over goves the chance to be better than before
      If he is a good person with real values he wont do it, my wife didnt, depends on the person. And most important of all you have to confess i know its the hardest thing to do but you have to be accountable for your actions. Everything depends on the couple.

  5. avatar uknown and broken says:

    Yes I’ve made that mistake. It was unbearable too see and feel what he felt after he ended up founding out in the most profound way through via texting.. I have never felt soo bad in my life. I got lost in life and became a careless ruthless person who had a ton reasons to lead me up to the reckless descion of cheating,but still could never logically explain why I hurt the one and only best thing in my life. I literatly became a monster. Proud to say he’s still with me today. Still can’t fathom how he did, but I’m grateful.
    Worst situation to be in. Another one of lifes many tricky learning experience.
    Be Strong!

    • avatar Rey says:

      Me and you both are grateful i did cheat on my wife and thank God she forgave and we strted anew. But i confessed to her it was the hardest decision of my life. But i can say that today our relationship is better and we talk about everything and we are open to each other. I can say that we treat each other like when we were dating its amazing just have to be thankful for the second chance that i wont waste.

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