Sometimes you just need to disconnect. | Source: ShutterStock

The Internet does a lot of things. It gives you something to do when you’re bored, it gives you ridiculously hilarious memes that make you laugh, it allows you to watch endless amounts of entertaining videos online… but does it also ruin your relationships?

The thought of the Internet replacing our need for intimacy or making us afraid of relationships seems a little bit extreme. I mean, it’s just going online, right? What’s the big deal? Well, according to the HowAboutWe.com, going online too much is a really big deal and it actually can cause us to be afraid of intimacy. Here’s why that is a bad thing: while it’s great to to veg out in front of your computer screen for hours sometimes, and while it’s totally fine to be single, it’s not fine to forgo relationships altogether simply because the Internet is easier.

What I’m talking about here is something the writers over at HowAboutWe have dubbed cybercelibate. In their words, it means “those of us who shut out not only friendship, but romance and physical intimacy, in favor of the rush that comes with online connection and gaming thrills.” Basically, it’s people who would rather sit in front of their computer for as long as possible instead of going out and socializing. It’s a comfort thing – cybercelibate refers to those who feel more comfortable with technology than intimacy.

The writers at HowAboutWe say, “Once we’ve turned away from the world around us in favor of online games or Facebook or Internet porn, the thrill we get doesn’t just offer respite from our loneliness. It replaces our need for connection and intimacy, temporarily, with a euphoria we then come to crave.” In other words: if you’re feeling lonely, you go online, whether it’s to play a game or Facebook stalk. Before you know it, going online makes you feel less lonely – and so you don’t feel like you need actual people around you anymore.

This happens because people can depend on the Internet. They can depend on their favorite websites to make them laugh or to make them feel connected to others in some way. What they can’t depend on is other people. As HowAboutWe states, “While people can be unpredictable … games, pornography and social networking always offer some kind of payoff.”

Do you want a real hug? Or an Internet hug? That’s what I thought. | Source: ShutterStock

You’re probably sitting there thinking, but it’s not the same kind of payoff! How could the happiness you get from social media replace the happiness you get from cuddling with your crush? It sort of can because of a little neurotransmitter called dopamine (we talked about this earlier). When we’re feeling happy, it’s because dopamine is being released in our brains. Dopamine makes us feel good and it’s also kind of addicting. And it doesn’t matter if we’re getting boosts of dopamine through a funny post we read on Buzzfeed or from a steamy makeout sesh – either way, our bodies like it and we want more of it. And if going online makes you that happy, of course you’re going to keep doing it.

Maybe you’re feeling a little bit confused. After I read that article, I was suddenly like, “OMG, do I like Facebook better than relationships?” (I don’t, by the way) To help you figure out if you’re scaring yourself away from relationships because you find the Internet easier, I’ve put together a few questions you can ask yourself:

1. What sounds more appealing: playing your favorite game online or going to a party?

2. Would you rather talk to your crush through Facebook messenger or in person?

3. What makes you happier: being with your friends or scrolling through your favorite websites?

4. Are you more comfortable in front of the computer or with other people?

5. What sounds more fun: a night spend watching TV online or a night spent getting to know someone new?

If your answers tend to slide more towards the idea that being on the computer makes you happier, you may be using the Internet and technology as a substitute for actual relationships. And, look, I’m not trying to bash anyone. I’m not saying you can’t spend the occasional weekend holed up in your room with only your laptop. But if it’s happening a lot, you may need to start putting yourself out there more. The Internet is great but real intimacy is better. Force yourself to go out sometimes – don’t become cybercelibate!

Do you think you’re addicted to the Internet? What were your answers to the questions above? Would you ever replace relationships for going online? Tell me in the comments. 

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