Boards
The school dance dress code for Readington, N.J. makes it tough for anyone to get a cute dress–and uses sexist reasoning to justify itself. | Source: Shutterstock
Some school dress codes make sense: Don’t show up naked or in something completely see-through. Don’t wear anything that could facilitate a gynecological exam. Fair enough. But one school is banning strapless dresses from a school dance because they’re “too distracting.” Uh, what?
Eighth graders in Readington, New Jersey are prohibited from wearing strapless dresses to their school dance because their apparently sexist, oblivious principal says they’d “distract the boys.” But what exactly are they “distracting the boys” from? This isn’t chem class. It’s a school dance.
The dress code was sent home in a letter to students’ parents: “Young gentleman are encouraged to wear collared shirts and trousers. Young ladies should wear a skirt, dress with straps or a dressy pants outfit.”
Here’s why this is messed up. First of all, it’s really, really tough to find any cute formal or semi formal dresses that aren’t strapless, especially in the juniors’ department. (Believe me, I’ve tried!) It adds an extra layer of stress to girls planning and getting for the school dance, because shopping is going to take a lot longer than it would otherwise, and they may be self-conscious knowing they’re not wearing something they really loved.
But even worse? It’s sort of sexist against everyone. By saying that wearing strapless dresses is “distracting,” it implies that girls are deliberately tempting and luring guys to misbehave. And it also implies that guys have no self-control and aren’t mature enough to handle themselves properly or accept responsibility for their actions, which is pretty unfair and insulting to them, too.
And while it may seem like a bit of a stretch, make no mistake: Blaming girls’ clothing choices for guys’ actions is often how victim blaming starts, because it drills ideas into your head: “Well, if I followed the dress code and wore a dress with straps, he may not have been ‘distracted,’” over time, can evolve into, “Well, if I hadn’t worn that short skirt, he may not have felt the need the assault me. He may have been better able to control himself if I didn’t show so much cleavage.” You see where this is going? It’s not that far a leap, especially when you’re being taught this when you’re young.
If you’re going to enforce a dress code and don’t want girls to wear strapless dresses to a school dance, at least use plainer, less obviously sexist reasoning: “Hey ladies, if you wear a strapless dress to the dance and it doesn’t fit perfectly, you may have a wardrobe malfunction during the ‘Cha-Cha Slide.’ And that would sort of suck for everyone. Oh, and guys? Wear belts if you can. No one needs to see that.”
Do you think the dress code for this school dance is sexist? Are strapless dresses allowed in your school dance dress code? Do you think saying that strapless dresses are “distracting” is sexist? Does your school have any weird rules in its dress code for dances? Tell us in the comments!
Giggle at these school dance and prom prep GIFs!
And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!
Plz, at my school u can’t even wear straps
Not really sexist since men are expected to cover up completely in suits right? Isn’t that the real sexism?
I’m sorry, but I am going to have to side with the school on this one, even though i knew at this age i would be mad too. But i’m a senior in high school now, so I’ve lived through it, and dealt with it. For one, honestly i see nothing sexist with it—all the school is trying to state is that they want to create an enviornment that everyone can be comfortable in, even guys. If that means girls can’t wear strapless dresses then let it be. Second, they’re in middle school, and going to a MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCE. it’s not prom. it’s not “clubbing”. it’s a middle school dance. in middle school, you’re still young and as much as you want to look “grown up”, you shouldn’t be wearing clothes designed to be worn by an older teen girl/young women. and i’ll tell you, there are PLENTY of cute, stylish dresses out there w/ straps. sure it may take some digging around, but you can find them. and if you think i’m just so crazy girl who thinks she’s a know it all, i just have to say, my prom dress has straps! and it’s absolutely beautiful, so ha! (btw dancing in a strapless dress is miserable—i would much rather dance and party with my dress staying up, thank you very much!)
My highschool started that same rule in my sophmore year, but the straps had to have a minimum width of 2 inches. That’s why we wore sweaters over our dresses, and took them off inside. Eventually staff accepted that we were going to do as we please, and they didn’t even bother trying to make us wear straps in senior year.
“And it also implies that guys have no self-control and aren’t mature enough to handle themselves properly or accept responsibility for their actions, which is pretty unfair and insulting to them, too.”
It’s funny you say that, Jessica, because that’s EXACTLY the reason why there are women-only gym hours; and you didn’t seem to have any problem with that.
Or is it just that sexism is wrong when it requires women to do an effort, but pretty much OK when it grants women some privileges?
Nice double standard there…
Please don’t be ridiculous.
The dress code at my school is like that too :/
When I was in middle school, the dress code stated that we had to wear dresses or shirts with straps that were at least three fingers thick. Teachers would check at the doors, and we had to change if the straps weren’t thick enough, even if it meant wearing something from the lost and found.
Honestly, it’s not sexist. It could have been worded better, but I think it has been blown out of proportion. My school forbids anyone from wearing any shirts without sleeves. It’s not because of the shoulders, it’s because shirts without sleeves tend to show more cleavage, which can be a distraction to anyone, or make people feel uncomfortable.
The school has a right to implement any dress code policy they feel necessary. Students don’t have to go to the dance if they don’t want to, if they disagree with the dress code. Also, the students are just eighth graders (13-14 year olds), I don’t think that they should be showing off that much of themselves at a school function. I’ll have to side with the school on this one.
My school has the same rule for our formal- these are the exact words:
‘Apparel for the night dance means nice school clothes, NOT formal wear such as tuxes and gowns.Girls, wear your nicest day dress.No strapless dresses or backless dresses.
Dresses must not show cleavage or be shorter than mid-thigh.Boys, wear your nicest dress pants or dress shorts and collared shirts.Do not wear blue jeans or baggy pants. Athletic clothing such as mesh shorts T-shirts or shirts with slogans are
not allowed.’
~EMS Student Handbook
I think it is ridiculous! It is just shoulders! It’s not our private parts! Amanda Seyfred said in Allure’s May edition- why are we bred to be ashamed of our bodies?
Xoxo M
It is definitely slightly sexist, but the thing that amuses me the most is that most strapless dresses cover up more skin that dresses with straps do. When you have straps, you can have plunging necklines and backless dresses which aren’t possible to have when wearing a strapless dress. I think that if anything is “distracting” to boys, its cleavage, not shoulders.
I agree with the part of the article that says these types of rules encourage victim blaming. In this day and age, telling girls OR guys to cover up needlessly (Hello? It’s JUST shoulders) is like telling them their body is something to be ashamed of. Also, it puts it into girls’ minds that their bodies being shown will immediately result in “distraction” or worse, assault. I agree with this article 100%. Yes, schools can makes whatever dress codes they want, but they should think about the outcome of basically saying girls need to cover up their “consequence-causing bodies”.
I do believe the rule should not have been phrased that way it was, but overall I do not believe the rule is sexist. I think the word “sexist” has been overused in the media lately. My eighth grade dance was 5 years ago and I decided not to attend, but I do remember that strapless dresses were verboten. Throughout high school we still had rules that did not allow us to wear sleeveless shirts. Schools can make whatever dress codes they want and that does not make them sexist.
I have seen plenty of cute formal dresses in stores, and if you look online they’re everywhere.
Sorry, that last line should specify cute formal dresses with straps.