When it comes to dating, do opposites attract? Is it better to date someone who is very different from you or should you be dating people who are just like you? The answer to this question can get sort of confusing.
The book The Normal Bar, which has surveyed more than 70,000 people about relationships, found that 95 percent of couples who are very similar to each other said they were “extremely happy.” So it would seem like maybe opposites don’t attract, right? Not so fast. There was no word on what opposite couples had to say about the state of their relationship (at least that I’ve seen), so it’s hard to tell. Also, there seem to be conflicting reports out there. New research (not in The Normal Bar) found that couples who were different from each other made up the best relationships.
So which is it?! Should you date someone who is your opposite or you should stick with people who have almost all of the same interests you have? Well, according to this research that states that opposites do, in fact, attract, in order for that kind of relationship to work, you and your partner need to have shared goals.
Honestly, I have lived by the opposites attract “rule” since I first started crushing on boys. I’ve never really dated anyone who was too similar to me – and if I did, things fizzled out pretty quickly because it just wasn’t working out. My current boyfriend and I are very different from each other. He is very passionate about cars and doesn’t know the difference between a dress and a skirt (for realz), while I could shop for 15 hours straight and not be bored, but instantly get hit with exhaustion anytime a discussion about cars pops up. My boyfriend is outgoing and friendly – he can walk into a room of my family members and start up a conversation with someone he just met. I, on the other hand, am shy and reserved and attempting to talk to his family members sort of makes me break out in hives.
I could keep going on with examples of how different we are, but I’m sure you get it. The point is, we have very different views about a lot of things (one more example, sorry: he’s a Republican and I am a Democrat. Ugh), but our relationship still works. And I think the reason we work well together is partly because we’re such opposites – we teach each other new things all the time. I am constantly learning about things I’ve never thought twice about from him and vice versa. He introduces me to new things I never thought I would enjoy and I do the same for him. It’s exciting!
I almost feel like if we were very similar, things would get boring, fast. Actually, I know that they would. Speaking from my personal experience, dating someone who is just like me is like dating… me. And yeah, I’m cool and all, but I don’t want to date myself. For one thing, I spend enough time with myself as it is. For another thing, I am the definition of a moody, emotional, passionate Scorpio and if I had to deal with another one of me all the time… no thank you. Please God no.
Anyway, what does all of this have to do with you? Just keep reading, I’ll get to it, I swear. As different as my boyfriend and I are, we still share the same goals when it comes to our relationship. We both want the same things. We both like each other (that’s a pretty big one) and we both have the same thoughts on what a relationship should be like.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is that when it comes to relationships, it’s usually about finding the right balance for you. What it seems like to me is that the best relationship is one where you and your partner have some different interests, opinions and thoughts, but in the end, you’re both working towards the same thing. So basically, a happy middle.
Do you think opposites attract? Would you rather date someone similar to you or different than you? Tell me in the comments!