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I can say with absolute certainty that one of the worst feelings in the world is finding out that a good friend has been talking about you behind your back. Whether she’s spilling your secrets, spreading a false rumor or just complaining about you, it sucks to hear that someone you trust has been being nasty to you when you thought everything was a-okay.
In fact, I’m dealing with this right now. Lucky me, right? When I recently was told that one of my friends was talking crap about me behind my back, I felt confused, then furiously angry, then indignant (how dare she?!), then sort of sad and then just totally sad. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who has dealt with this kind of situation. People can be cruel and some people don’t have the guts to tell you to your face that they have a problem with you – instead, they just talk about it to others.
So, how do you deal when you find out that your supposed friends are making you their number one topic of conversation? It’s easy to flip out Real Housewives-style and cause a dramatic scene, but before you go that far, try these tips first. Trust me.
Don't Jump To Conclusions
When you first hear that a friend is talking about you, your first reaction might be to freak out and do a bunch of stuff you'll later regret. I know it's hard, but try to stay calm until you know the entire story. Your friends words could have gotten taken out of context or maybe she was even misheard. Or maybe she never even said anything at all (see the next slide)! Before you do anything, try to figure out the entire story. Source: ShutterStockIs This From A Trusted Source?
Like I said, don't jump to conclusions. Consider your source - can you trust this person? Is this someone you're close to who doesn't usually lie about this stuff? Or is your source a total drama queen who enjoys stirring up the pot? Sometimes people make these things up - and that's why it's important not to jump to conclusions right away. Get as much info as you can from your source and then go with your gut. Source: ShutterStockDon't Start Talking About Her Also
Once you hear the things your friend said about you, you might want to get even with her by saying some stuff about her also. Resist the urge to get revenge by spreading your own nasty comments. Why? Because bashing each other behind each other's backs is only going to make this whole thing worse. Plus, if you blab about her to someone else before you confront her and she hears about it, she can throw that right back in your face - and then you're both wrong. Source: ShutterStockIs This Worth Fighting Over?
Think about what your friend said about you: is it bad enough to warrant a full-on friend fight, or worse comes to worst, a friend war? If you confront your friend, it may start an argument - not only between the two of you, but also between you and your source. That person may not have expected you to go back and say, "So-and-so told me what you said about me." Get what I'm saying? If what your friend said really sucks, you have every right to say something to her. But if she just said something like, "Ugh, her outfit last night was so ugly," it may be best to ignore that catty behavior and just silently move on to better friends. Source: ShutterStockConfront Her
The absolute best thing to do in this situation, if you're really upset? Confront your friend. It might be tough, but it's the best way to try to figure out the whole story and to find out why she said what she said. The confrontation should ideally happen in person, although during school or work is never a great idea. You can call her if you want, but just know that it will be more difficult to see how genuine she's being through the phone. And texting is never the place for a fight. It's way too messy. Source: ShutterStockTry To Be Mature
See that picture? Don't do that. When you decide to confront your friend about this, try to be as mature and calm as possible. Running up to her screaming and cursing isn't going to solve anything. Instead, just be honest. Say, "I heard what you said about me and it made me really upset. Why would you do that?" Try to talk it out and get to the root of the problem. And you can definitely let her know exactly how bummed out you were about the whole thing. She should know what she did was hurtful. Source: ShutterStockReconsider Your Friendship
In the end, it's up to you whether or not you want to continue a friendship with this person. Consider the circumstances: was this a one-time offense? Why was your friend talking about you? Did she seem genuinely sorry? If she barely apologized or if she's done this a few times already, chances are, she's more of a frenemy than a bestie. You don't need friends like that in your life, so don't feel like you have to forgive her and keep her around. Source: ShutterStockHave you ever had a friend talk about you behind your back? What did you do? Were you ever the one doing the talking? Tell me in the comments.
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