I’m in desperate need of help! I’m a freshman in high school and everyone is getting felt up and fingered and stuff and I don’t feel so comfortable with all of this. I don’t want to look juvenile by not wanting to do it, but I don’t want to do something I’m not ready for…right? Obviously I’m not having sex–that would just be ridiculous–but seriously, should I just experiment and or wait? If I don’t hook up, will guys get bored and ditch me for some girl who puts out?
I’m so confused!
Dear Un-Kinky Kathryn,
Peer pressure is all around us and most of the time, we give in, and most of the time, it’s really no big deal. Stuff like: Oh, everyone’s getting a smoothie? Meh, I kinda feel like pizza but whatever, sure I’ll have a smoothie or, Wait, zebra print is out? Ugh fine! That’s just how life goes. But hooking up is a big deal, and should NEVERRRRR be something you do when you’re not 100% into it. I’ve learned this the hard way.
As I’ve told y’all, I was basically the world’s oldest virgin. I didn’t kiss anyone until I was 18 and didn’t go all the way until I was almost 21. I was just a late bloomer! And I’d like to say that I wasn’t bothered that ALL my friends were hooking up and getting it on, but that’s a huge lie. I was. I felt totally left out and that whenever a romance went sour, I worried it was because I wasn’t putting out. So, I started letting guys take things a little further.
As a hopeless romantic, I had dreamed–great, swirly Taylor Swift-ian dreams!–about hooking up, but the real experiences never measured up. I was talking myself into it because I didn’t want to be the odd girl out.
But by doing that, I kind of became the odd girl out in my own life, if that makes sense. I felt like I wasn’t being authentic to who I was and what I wanted. I was masquerading as a sexpot and trust me honeychild, people can smell a phony a mile away! It was actually a guy friend who was like “You know, it’s no ones business how far you’ve gone” and a light went off in my head. Or rather, pelvis, I guess. It really wasn’t. And my friends didn’t care ONE BIT if I was hooking up or not. If anything, they liked being the “wiser,” more experienced ones.
And I got to learn from their mistakes. Like my friend who told me that to give a proper handjob, you have to grip the guy AS HARD AS YOU CAN, because a girl’s tightest grip isn’t anywhere near their tightest. Mercifully, I wasn’t HJ’ing anyone so I didn’t have to find out first hand what EPICALLY BAD advice that was–but she did. Ohhh she did, and to this day our high school friends call her The Iron Fist of Death.
So, while it’s kind of awkward now to feel like the only girl on Earth not hooking up, that feeling is FAR better than feeling icky and creeped out that a guy got farther with you than you wanted. And if you think that everyone is so aware of how inexperienced you are, remember something my grandma always tells me: You wouldn’t care so much what people think about you if you knew how seldom they did!