Real talk: I’m not really a fan that my BF always wants to pay for stuff. | Source: ShutterStock

One of the big stresses about dating is deciding who pays for dates. It’s a subject that stirs up some debate. Well, I have a boyfriend who always wants to pay for everything, and to tell you the truth, I kind of hate it.

Okay, let me back up. I don’t hate the part where I am not spending my own money. I think most of us would agree that not having to break the bank to have a good time is ideal.

I also do appreciate that he’s always coming from a good place and is just trying to be a nice guy. He is someone who doesn’t worry so much about spending money (whereas I am more frugal) so I think he just figured this was the easiest way to do things.

It’s just that at a certain point, I start feeling weird about it. I consider myself a pretty independent person and when my boyfriend always pays for me on dates, it makes me feel like I’m becoming dependent on him and I don’t like that.

We went out to dinner for a friend’s birthday recently and he automatically went to put in double the cash for me after I’d already paid. Like, it’s nice, but when we’re out with our other single friends, all whom are paying their own way, it was kind of embarrassing.

It sometimes makes me feel like I kind of owe him back that money he offers to spend. I know that’s not true or his intention, but I am someone who feels guilty really easily, and I find myself making a mental tab in my head about how much it “costs” to hang out with me. I don’t like that I do that to myself and then spend time worrying if he’s starting to secretly resent me.

Especially lately, I’ve been better about letting him know how it makes me feel. I mean, we all love free stuff, so it probably wasn’t obvious that it bothered me until I said something. That said, we’re still working on it. Our own “Ask A Guy” Ethan has touched on this issue from a guy’s perspective, saying how it’s appreciated when girls offer to pay (even if they may protest it). For me, it’s important that my offer to pay be taken seriously now and again. Otherwise, I get frustrated feeling like my boyfriend isn’t taking how I feel about this money-split situation seriously.

I think that just like there’s no perfect relationship timeline, the only “rules” you have to follow are the ones that both make you comfortable, and that includes how you decide to pay for couple outings. For me, it’s trying to share the wealth when it comes to spending the wealth. Yeah, that means I have to shell out double the cash for us about half the time, but I know it makes me feel so much more comfortable in my relationship than if I kept letting my BF always pay for me.

When you go out with someone, how do you deal with the bill? Do you ever feel like in your relationship you or your partner took on more financial responsibility? Did it affect your relationship? Tell us in the comments!

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