Okay, so the guy I have a huge crush on texted me a few weeks ago and asked me if I wanted to hang out – of course, I said yes. I went over to his house and we ended up mostly just kissing a lot. Well, more like making out for an hour or so. He kept trying to go for more, but I wouldn’t let him because he was my first kiss and I was really scared. I felt like he got mad at me because I didn’t let him go any further than making out. If he asked me to hang out right now, I definitely would let him go a little further… but the thing is, he hasn’t even talked to me at all since then. I always catch him staring at me in school, but he has otherwise been avoiding me. Am I wasting my time? What did I do wrong? Is he a player? Why do I still have feelings for him? Is there any way I can make him want me or give me a second chance? I really like him.
First and foremost, know this: you did absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, I’d say you did everything exactly right! Your first kiss is special and should be treated as such. More importantly, when it comes to hooking up, you should only ever take things as far as you want to. Don’t ever feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do, no matter what the circumstances.
It’s also quite natural to have feelings for this guy, since you shared such an important, intimate moment (or 60) with him. And let’s not forget the fact that you were crushing hard on this dude to begin with. The fact that he took your “make-out virginity” will only intensify those feelings, no matter how he acts afterward.
However, the fact that he hasn’t talked to you since is a bit weird, and at the very least, rude. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions yet, though – his aloofness could be due to myriad reasons. Sure, it’s possible that he lost interest or wants to date someone else with more sexual experience (either of which scenarios would signal that he’s not mature enough for you to date in the first place). But I think it’s more likely that this guy is embarrassed by getting turned down, or might even assume you’re not into him.
I’m not generally against playing coy to get a guy’s attention, but in this scenario I would recommend that you go the direct route and ask him out. If he turns you down or gives an excuse without an alternative plan, you can rest easy at night knowing that he’s not a match for you. But if he’s as innocent as I’m hoping, he’ll be relieved that you made the next move and will accept excitedly. At the very least you’ll know exactly where you stand, and whether you’re dealing with an immature jerk or a sweet guy who’s just feeling a little insecure.
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.