Ask A Guy: He Pressured Me To Have Sex, Now He Won’t Talk To Me. Is He Just A Player?

Dear Ethan,

Okay, so the guy I have a huge crush on texted me a few weeks ago and asked me if I wanted to hang out – of course, I said yes. I went over to his house and we ended up mostly just kissing a lot. Well, more like making out for an hour or so. He kept trying to go for more, but I wouldn’t let him because he was my first kiss and I was really scared. I felt like he got mad at me because I didn’t let him go any further than making out. If he asked me to hang out right now, I definitely would let him go a little further… but the thing is, he hasn’t even talked to me at all since then. I always catch him staring at me in school, but he has otherwise been avoiding me. Am I wasting my time? What did I do wrong? Is he a player? Why do I still have feelings for him? Is there any way I can make him want me or give me a second chance? I really like him.

First and foremost, know this: you did absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, I’d say you did everything exactly right! Your first kiss is special and should be treated as such. More importantly, when it comes to hooking up, you should only ever take things as far as you want to. Don’t ever feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do, no matter what the circumstances.

It’s also quite natural to have feelings for this guy, since you shared such an important, intimate moment (or 60) with him. And let’s not forget the fact that you were crushing hard on this dude to begin with. The fact that he took your “make-out virginity” will only intensify those feelings, no matter how he acts afterward.

However, the fact that he hasn’t talked to you since is a bit weird, and at the very least, rude. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions yet, though – his aloofness could be due to myriad reasons. Sure, it’s possible that he lost interest or wants to date someone else with more sexual experience (either of which scenarios would signal that he’s not mature enough for you to date in the first place). But I think it’s more likely that this guy is embarrassed by getting turned down, or might even assume you’re not into him.

I’m not generally against playing coy to get a guy’s attention, but in this scenario I would recommend that you go the direct route and ask him out. If he turns you down or gives an excuse without an alternative plan, you can rest easy at night knowing that he’s not a match for you. But if he’s as innocent as I’m hoping, he’ll be relieved that you made the next move and will accept excitedly. At the very least you’ll know exactly where you stand, and whether you’re dealing with an immature jerk or a sweet guy who’s just feeling a little insecure.

Good luck!

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of For more on Ethan, visit…or call his mom, Robin.

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • sam

    hey i went through the same thing and i actually really like the guy that i was crushing on and i stull like him.. and so the next day when i messaged him on fb but then i found out that he had unfriended me. i messaged him again and then he just sent me a emoticon which was a thumbs up what does that mean. like i want to know whether or not he just wanted to have fun with me or there is something else due to which he is acting like that with me.

  • KayHuna

    It seems he’s a player sweetheart. I don’t mean to label but it sounds as if he was just trying to have some fun and when you said no- it hurt his ego (Which guy’s are so protective of) and he probably realized you’re too smart to fall for any of his tricks and do something you weren’t okay with. And good for you for saying no too! It’s hard to refuse but you did the right thing!

  • Angie

    Sorry, but NO. I think this guy is a jerk and if she does find herself alone with him again she will most likely go farther than she wants to out of fear of him rejecting her again.