Okay girls, listen up: we’ve discovered (or, you know, just read about) the secret to being happy with your sex life. And while I wish I could say it’s something awesome, it’s kind of not. In fact, it’s pretty disappointing.
A new study has found that the key to being happy with your sex life is to know that you’re having more sex than any of your friends. No, really, that’s what the study found. Apparently, we’re all sitting around comparing our sex lives to the sex lives of our friends, enemies and anyone else we know. And if we feel like we’re the ones who are getting it on the most, we’re going to be more pleased with ourselves and our sex lives.
Well, that’s kind of lame. The research, done at the University of Colorado Boulder also found that your sexual happiness also depends on how often you’re having sex – this one makes total sense. I mean, obviously if you’re not having sex, you’re not going to be happy with your sex life. Unless you don’t want to have sex. Then that’s a different story.
Tim Wadsworth, the professor who worked on this research, looked at data from over 15,000 people between 1993 and 2006 – so I’m going to go ahead and say these results seem pretty legit. After discovering that people are happier about their sex lives when they’re actually getting some, he found the other stuff. If respondents who were having sex two or three times a month knew that their friends were getting it on once a week (in other words, more than them), they were 14 percent less likely to report being happy with their sex lives – even if they had previously said they were happy with it.
Wadsworth says, “There’s an overall increase in sense of well-being that comes with engaging in sex more frequently, but there’s also this relative aspect to it. Having more sex makes us happy, but thinking that we are having more sex than other people makes us even happier.”
So, is the key to a happy sex life really knowing that you’re having more sex than your friends? According to this study, apparently, but that still seems so silly to me! I mean, who cares what other people are doing? Who really cares how often your BFFs are getting laid? Just because they may be having sex more than you doesn’t mean they’re having better sex than you. Maybe they’re sleeping with someone who’s totally boring. And maybe you’re only having sex once in a while, but maybe that works for you. As the Huffington Post says, “knowing how you stack up to others only tells you if you’re average. It doesn’t tell you whether how much or little sex you’re having is right for your relationship.”
Another thing to keep in mind? Your friends could be lying to you. Maybe they’re telling you they have sex with their BF three times a week, but in reality, they’re only doing it three times a month. And then you go and feel all bad about your own sex life because you’re not doing it as much as them – doesn’t that seem pointless?
The moral of the story is this: Your happiness regarding anything, sex or not, should never be based on what other people are doing. Comparing yourself to others is always a slippery slope and almost never helps in making you feel better about yourself. The real secret to being happy with your sex life, or your life in general, is to stop caring what other people do or think and start caring about what makes you feel good.
Do you ever find yourself comparing your sex life to the sex lives of your friends? Would you feel bad about your sex life if you found out your friends did it more than you? Tell me in the comments!