Forget The “Three Day” Rule: Follow Your Own Relationship Timeline!

woman texting in london

Why wait to text or call if it feels right?! Source: Shutterstock.com

Want an answer to some of your burning relationship timeline questions, like when’s the right time to text a guy after a date? On what date number should you kiss someone? When is the best time to say “I love you?” I could go on and on, but here’s the secret answer to them all… “When it feels right for you.”

That’s right, the only “relationship timeline” that is “right” is the one that makes you feel comfortable. But that doesn’t mean that other people haven’t tried to put specific time constraints on when you “should” do different things. One of the most well known is the “three day rule,” which says to wait that long before contacting a date again.

It’s silly, and it’s not just me who thinks so. According to a new survey from Match.com, 78 percent of guys said that after going out on a first date, they would contact the woman within three days (rather than waiting that amount of time as the old rule advises).

I wish they had given stats for the ladies, too (because it’s obviously cool for girls to text guys and not wait around for them to make a move), but the fact remains that it seems people are loosening up on the rules about when things are meant to happen in the dating world.

Now, I will say that I don’t know too many people that really followed the three day rule to a T, but I do know a lot who compare where they are at in dating or relationships with the experiences of other people. Heck, I have been one of those people!

In my relationship, I’ve been both quicker and slower to do certain things than my friends. My boyfriend and I didn’t actually go out on a real date until we had been in a relationship for about a month. I don’t know if that’s a “typical” timeline for dating, but it’s certainly not wrong.

In the past, I’ve gotten self-conscious about how things were supposed to be progressing in our relationship, but the thing is that my relationship is in good shape and I enjoy it. In that case, does it really matter in the long run when certain things happen(ed)? As long as I’m happy with where we are at in the present, that’s what counts.

I’d be a hypocrite if I wasn’t mildly interested in stories like how long on average it takes people to say “I love you,” but with things like this, you have to keep the definition of “average” in mind. It doesn’t mean “normal,” but rather mathematically, that’s what they came up with. In this “I love you” example, there could be people on two very different ends of the spectrum – ones who said it very early and others who waited quite a while longer.

The average isn’t actually tell us when it’s “right,” because within that sample, “right” surely meant different things to those different people. I can tell you that in my experience saying “I love you,” I said it sooner than the “average” length of time does because it felt right. I know other people who waited longer and that was perfect for them. The only relationship timeline that doesn’t work is one where you feel uncomfortable with how things are progressing.

So whether you’ve just started casually dating or you’re in a long-term relationship, there is a perfect relationship timeline to follow – and it’s the one that’s all your own that you feel comfortable creating.

Do you agree that you shouldn’t have to follow “relationship rules?” How did you know that your relationship was going at a pace that was right for you? Tell us in the comments!

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1 Comment

  1. avatarLittleRedWolfGirl says:

    I just started going out with this girl who I met online (seriously, don’t totally knock online dating, it’s not always a horror story!) and we went on our first date after about three weeks of talking. We sent each other quick good night texts that night, and have texted almost every day since then. We went on a 2nd date a week later, and have been working on plans for a 3rd. We haven’t kissed yet, but neither one of us wants to rush things. Basically we have been doing things at our own pace without worrying about any “timeline rules” and it’s been great!

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