My Boyfriend Refuses To Wear Condoms, What Should I Do?

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unthinkableloveex3 said:

“Hi. I’m 17 and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years and 9 months. We recently began having sex a couple of months ago, and it has been very difficult for me to get birth control for many reasons. I have asked my boyfriend to use condoms for now until I can get pills, but he absolutely refuses to and says that he “won’t feel anything” and that he “won’t spend money on condoms when they won’t be used.” I need some advice to convince him to use a condom because it has been a struggle for me. Please help?”

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  • Suzie

    A loving relationship is based on compromise, and although I advocate this you have to ask yourself is a boyfriend who refuses to wear a condom the right person for you? Yes, you could do your part and try alternative methods of contraception but sometimes it’s not that simple for females, one size does not fit all. My closest friend went through countless problems with different birth control pills, both physically and mentally. She shouldn’t keep putting herself through this turmoil of preventing conception (which doesn’t even protect her against STI’s). It takes two people in a relationship and the male should do his part too or simply abstain! Fair enough SOME guys don’t like condoms, but outright refusing is completely ignorant, selfish and irresponsible. Any person failing to compromise or do their part are not worth it I’m afraid. Plenty of people out there who would do ANYTHING for their loved ones.

  • realtalk

    He’s a douche, dump him.

  • Sarah

    My exboyfriend Jon was the same way. He never ever wore a condom once, and we dated from when I was 17. Early on he just said he would pull out, and I was alright with it at first. Then I started to get worried and got on the pill. But even on the pill, nothing is fool proof.

    I got pregnant when I was 19, while I was still taking birth control pills. I had missed a few pills by accident in a month, because I was on the debate team and traveled alot and sometimes just forgot. Also I had been sick and had been on antibiotics. Anyways, excuses are excuses, but I was on the pill and I still got pregnant, because Jon wouldnt wear a condom.

    Abortion is alot tougher than you think it is. Trust me. You dont want to have to make that decision. Im pretty liberal about womens rights even after everything Ive been through. Im all in favor of womens right to choose, and I made my choice. Now I have to live with the regret that I killed my baby girl for the rest of my life. It devastated my relationship with my boyfriend. I still cry myself to sleep most nights. They dont tell you how hard an abortion is on you personally. I fell into a deep depression after my abortion, and became a chainsmoking, pill popping, nervous wreck really. I went from being a “social smoker” of maybe 5 or 10 cigarettes a week, to a pack a day smoker in a matter of weeks, and kept on smoking more and more cigarettes every day, to where I now smoke at least two packs a day and am hopelessly addicted. Now, I will have to live with my cigarette addiction and the guilt from my abortion for the rest of my life.

    All because my boyfriend wouldnt put on a condom.

    Tell him about the posts youve read here. Show it to him. Show him the girls lives that have been ruined like mine, by a boyfriend who refused to wear a condom. Ask him if hes going to drive you to the abortion clinic when he gets you pregnant because he didn’t wear a condom. Ask him how hes going to tell his mother what hes done.

    • Eliza

      You answered yourself, you missed it, plain and simple. This is what happens when girls have sex and ‘miss’ the pill. I’ve had “1” child on “purpose” and prior/afterwards I’ve always used the pill “ON TIME” and he does NOT pull out, no ‘accidental’ pregnancies here, in the course of TEN “10” YEARS. So rethink this.

    • Eliza

      Also, you’re going to blame your boyfriends choice on your emotional distress you bring on yourself? Come on, girl.. that’s ridiculous. You had plenty of choices and you chose every single one, a) sex, b) missed pill, c) abortion, d) smoking. Every single one was a choice you made, you have no right to blame someone else to lessen your burden.

      You could have easily, refused to have sex, taken the pill and not have a baby, had the baby and give it up for adoption, abort the baby like you did but not blame others for your own choice, NOT start smoking out of emotional distress, and just as easily QUIT smoking. Again, you’ve chosen every aspect of your own free will, including your addiction which is simple to quit, I’ve quit, I know over 50 people who have quit.

      • wrathofcanis

        Wow Eliza you are really a fucking bitch…. honestly fucking blaming the girl for a human error, forgetting is an unconscious act not a choice. And then pinning her abortion against her when there’s really NO good choise in this case. Think about it, carrying an unwanted child for 9 months would affect her more and smoking sure is a bad coping mechanism and but its an easy one… she could have killed herself and her unborn chi

        This is depression we are talking about, you should fucking read about it and educate yourself before being a judgmental prick

        Fuck your ignorance and lack of consideration in your comments pissed me of just enough just to sight up on this website and reply to you judgmental comment full of ignorance and stigma

    • devon

      U should accept some responsibility your self, you made that decision, i dont understand your relationship r claim to but unless there was a gun to ur head that was your decision, plus u miss the pill an didnt think it will happen dahhhh, i have a ex that i already had a son with, we were not together because she live far apart an we don’t get to see each other she does not take the pill we had sex i came in her, she get pregnant, i said that cool we will live together soon an everything will be good, however i would like a dna test, she went crazy had an abortion an then blame me, now she want to get back together but i just see an empty vessel, i am pro choice for woman she has the right to do what ever she want an i will date an woman that has an abortion but not with my baby that where i draw the line, abortion is ok but note we will never be together again simply

    • Macduzzit

      Better yet, why not show him the effects of paternity fraud and child support that have ruined millions of mens lives. Stop blaming men for your irresponsibility and stuff a condom up your own cooch if you are so damned worried and insist on a condom. Bottom line is women hate having to insert a condom, “too much bother”, let the man do all the work of having sex!

      • Jessica Booth

        Um, do you have any idea how condoms actually work?

  • well

    Well I kinda understand. My man has nerve damage down there and wearing a condom removed any and all feeling for him. So we go without unless he’s having one of those nights where he doesn’t think hell be able to stop early, like long before he find. Then with one on its a matter of pleasing me, not him. But I prefer without to. Kinda feels like I’m sleeping with a balloon. But I’m on the pill to. So. I’m gonna agree with the others partly.

  • PinkJinx

    Oh! So he’s willing to risk you getting pregnant just because he’s too lazy to put on condom? Or pay for them for that matter?? Well I’m sure paying child support each month will work out waaaaayy cheaper than paying for a pack of condoms!! I think you should tell if he feels that way then he should have no problem having no sex until you get the birth control because I’m sure you don’t want to be on the next episode of teen mom!

  • Negareboshi

    If I were you I’d say something like “WELL, I hope you’re patient ’cause until I get the pill, there won’t be anything going on under the covers.”

    Seriously though, you should tell him how important it is for him to wear a condom. I don’t know if he had partners before you (although you’ve been together for a long time), but if yes, it’s non-negotiable EVEN if you’re on the pill later on. You might also want him to get tested.

    If you’re both virgins, well if you get on the pill, it may statistically be “safe” but let’s say you get a yeast infection, he might get infected anyways. Plus, it’s an added protection against pregnancies because as you might already know, the pill isn’t always 100% effective. PS: it takes a whole 3 months before the pill starts working! Condoms for a supplementary 3 months! Don’t forget it!

    My boyfriend had girlfriends before me and I was a virgin. It was obvious for me that he’d had to wear a condom. I got on the pill and we both still feel safer when he wears a condom; not for the STDs (we both got tested and we’re clear) but for pregnancies. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to wear a condom for “feeling” or “pleasure”, tell yourself that if he puts his penis’s pleasure before your sexual health (STDs, baby, vaginal infection, etc), he’s clearly not ready enough for sex.

  • Popcorn

    If he really liked you, he’d use a condom.

  • Janice

    Try to talk to him once again. Show him the scientific research that has been made about guys “not feeling anything” during sex. Remind him that condoms are the only way to be fully protected from STDs and a possible pregnancy. He should care about his own health and future and about yours. Sadly, if he’s still not willing to use one, I would dump him.

  • Lolly

    Cost of condoms: a few bucks. Cost of baby: infinite bucks.

  • mel95

    I advise you to seriously reconsider your relationship with this boy. If he is willing to disregard your health for the purpose of creating more pleasure for himself than he is NOT worth your time. Any loving boyfriend would be more than happy to wear a condom if it would make his girlfriend happy and feel safe. Tell him that you will not put up with his childish and SELFISH behavior, if he loves you then he must wear a condom. I know that you’ve been with him for a long time but the truth is you could find someone so much better than this loser.

    • mel95

      And don’t fall for his “but I won’t feel anything” bullshit. You deserve a man who wants to please you in bed and if it would please you for him to wear a condom he would.