Straight Talk With Shallon: Is My Boyfriend Using Me To Hook Up?

Source: Shutterstock Girls have been shutting down dudes for centuries!

Source: Shutterstock
Girls have been shutting down dudes for centuries!

Hi Shallon!

I’m a high school freshman and I have my first boyfriend, but we’re having some drama about how far I’m willing to go. We kissed a month ago for the first time, and he tells me he loves me and can’t wait to make out with me. But I’m not ready for kissing with tongue and told him so. The other day, he tried to French kiss and I stopped him, and he apologized. But…he hasn’t texted since. Now he’s just snippy with me and I’m so confused. What’s going on?

–Samantha

 

Dear Not So Skanky Sam,

What’s going on here is hormones. At your age, a guy is 100% ruled by his overwhelming, maniacal desire to touch boobs. That’s it. He is like some deranged breast robot with no other agenda than to get as far as humanly possible with girls.

Unfortunately, that’s probably why he said he loved you. Guys think that dropping the ILY will somehow open up a magical, Narnia-like portal to every sexual fantasy. Um hello, girls don’t just get naked for the L word. There’s a lotttttt more to us than that, DUH!

Source: WENN Let me guess: he LOVES Kate Upton?

Source: WENN
Let me guess: he LOVES Kate Upton?

So he’s being snippy because you’re not giving him what he wants. But it’s YOU that should be snippy – not him! You made no secret of your sexual boundaries and not only did he not respect them, he had the nerve to POUT when you stood your ground! That, my dear, is not love. Love is a guy who says “I will wait as long as I need to because being with you is about our minds and hearts connecting – not just our bodies.”

This is what I hated about being younger – I was always so concerned with “Eee does he like me? Did I tick him off??” I never stopped to ask myself if I still liked him! Did he tick me off? If I had, I would’ve realized that, um, no, most of the behavior I endured from my crushes was NOT OKAY with me.

So rather than sit around beating yourself up about – gasp!having standards, ask yourself if 1) you would ever treat him the way he’s treated you (spoiler alert: no) and 2) if you’re willing to wait to hook up, why aren’t you willing to wait to find a guy who appreciates and cherishes that awesome quality?

Just a little food for thought, doll…XOXO.
Shallon

Feel free to leave your love Qs in the comments or drop me an email to AskShallon@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ShallonXO

 

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  • sammy

    Well Shallon, I have to tell you were kinda wrong on this one. After I read your reply, I broke up with him. He sought me out everyday…wanting to get back together. On Friday of last week, I gave him a list of wants before I would consider even getting back together with him. One was I will french kiss when I am ready, not when someone tells me to. I stated I don’t want to get in his pants nor do I want him in mine. He asked what that meant…I said, “I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX!” He said, “Oh…why would we do that?” “I don’t plan on having sex until I am 35 years old.” I feel so good now…the pressure is off!!!

    You are right though, they do need a purpose. He is chasing me around like a little puppy now. I don’t go by him….I let him come to me. I only text him once a week….the rest of the time he texts me. Thank you for all your advice. It has REALLY helped me!!!! I even watched your kissing videos. So when I am ready to french kiss, I know how to do it!!!

    Thank you again!!!!!

    Sammy

  • Nia

    I think this is awesome, straight-forward advice, but the author’s choice of nickname for the advice seeker “Not So Skanky Samantha” bothers me. I hate to be “that girl”, but it reeks of slut-shaming. I think it’s great that this girl had decided that she wants to wait for more intimacy, but does saying that her choice makes her “Not So Skanky” mean that girls her age who do decide to tongue kiss are so skanky? This is what it implies. I just have to nit-pick because I love this website and what it stands for, so let’s make sure we facilitate an environment where girls feel confident in their sexual choices.