I’m a high school freshman and I have my first boyfriend, but we’re having some drama about how far I’m willing to go. We kissed a month ago for the first time, and he tells me he loves me and can’t wait to make out with me. But I’m not ready for kissing with tongue and told him so. The other day, he tried to French kiss and I stopped him, and he apologized. But…he hasn’t texted since. Now he’s just snippy with me and I’m so confused. What’s going on?
Dear Not So Skanky Sam,
What’s going on here is hormones. At your age, a guy is 100% ruled by his overwhelming, maniacal desire to touch boobs. That’s it. He is like some deranged breast robot with no other agenda than to get as far as humanly possible with girls.
Unfortunately, that’s probably why he said he loved you. Guys think that dropping the ILY will somehow open up a magical, Narnia-like portal to every sexual fantasy. Um hello, girls don’t just get naked for the L word. There’s a lotttttt more to us than that, DUH!
So he’s being snippy because you’re not giving him what he wants. But it’s YOU that should be snippy – not him! You made no secret of your sexual boundaries and not only did he not respect them, he had the nerve to POUT when you stood your ground! That, my dear, is not love. Love is a guy who says “I will wait as long as I need to because being with you is about our minds and hearts connecting – not just our bodies.”
This is what I hated about being younger – I was always so concerned with “Eee does he like me? Did I tick him off??” I never stopped to ask myself if I still liked him! Did he tick me off? If I had, I would’ve realized that, um, no, most of the behavior I endured from my crushes was NOT OKAY with me.
So rather than sit around beating yourself up about – gasp! – having standards, ask yourself if 1) you would ever treat him the way he’s treated you (spoiler alert: no) and 2) if you’re willing to wait to hook up, why aren’t you willing to wait to find a guy who appreciates and cherishes that awesome quality?
Just a little food for thought, doll…XOXO.