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Hi Heather,
I really want to lose my virginity and have sex with my boyfriend. I’m totally ready. Except for one thing – he’s too big and doesn’t fit. We’ve tried so many times and it just won’t work. I don’t use tampons either because I can’t even get them up there. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’ll never be able to have sex. Help!
I can totally understand your frustration here – you’re ready to have sex and for some reason, your body is sort of going against you. But don’t worry! This is an issue you can fix and you will be able to have sex one day.
It’s completely normal for girls who haven’t had sex yet to be very tight down there, so please don’t feel like you’re the only girl out there experiencing this. I’d say your best bet is to start small. If you haven’t been able to get a tampon up there yet, of course it’s going to be even more difficult to get anything else up there. So, start with the tampon and then move onto, um, bigger things.
The best, and really only, piece of advice I can give you here is to relax. Chances are, nothing is fitting down there because you’re too tense. That doesn’t mean you’re not ready to have sex – it means you’re probably stressed out by what’s been happening and you’re tightening your vaginal muscles up without even realizing it. Maybe you’re a little afraid of the pain or maybe you’re just thinking too much. Either way, you need to calm down and be as relaxed as possible before you try to put anything in there.
Like I said, I would start with a tampon. In the beginning, go for a light or regular sized tampon – don’t just jump to supers thinking it will help with the sex part later on. Get in as comfortable a position as you can with your legs spread apart and carefully insert the tampon into your vagina. Go slowly and definitely use a mirror so you can see what’s happening. You may feel a little bit of pressure and that’s normal. Remember to take deep breaths and to keep yourself as calm as possible.
Once you have the tampon stuff down, you can move onto the sex stuff. For your first time, take things slow and make sure you’re comfortable. Keep in mind that there may be a little bit of pain and there may even be a little bit of blood (all very normal for your first time). If you feel a ton of pain, stop and talk to a doctor, but otherwise just try to stay relaxed. Easier said than done, right? Try lighting some candles, playing some soft music or doing whatever it is that calms you down before you do the deed. I would strongly consider using lube to make things a little easier and having him try to loosen things up with his finger first.
It may take a little time, but as long as you take things slowly, stay calm and try all of this stuff, you should be okay.
take care,
Heather
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wow ! sounds like you were very young. How old were you? how old is he? My bf is a lot older too. I am 13 soon and I wanna do it. He is gonna get a place of his own soon so we wont have any problem with privacy and things.
My bf is “big” too but he sez it isnt a problem and wont hurt if I relax. Just like you were saying. Did u get him to use a condom? were you scard ? was it scary wen he wus forcin it into you?
I dunno, but I like wen he goes down on me so I guess it will feel real good
Oh hold up, doll. I’m not the kinda person to say “You’re too young to have sex!” but, for various reasons, twelve/thirteen is far too young. But more important is the legality. If he’s old enough to get his own place, he’s waaaay too old for you to have sex with. He could get in big trouble for statutory rape. You don’t want that! And, not to burst your bubble or freak you out or anything, but just because it feels good when he goes down on you (and it SO does lol) does NOT mean your first time will feel good (especially if he’s big.) The best thing you can do is try to relax, but–I’m speaking from experience here–it probably won’t feel good until the third, fourth, or fifth time.
Best of luck!
It happened to me too. My first time was so awkward. He tried so many times but it would not go in. He is much older and more experienced too. Also, it probably was because I kept tensing up and closing my legs and as he was trying to penetrate his penis would slip out. I could tell he was getting really frustrated and wanted to do it desperately. He had already done the one, two then three finger thing to stretch me. I am a lot younger than he is and this was most likely the reason. He kept telling me that I was still very very tight because of my age and that he didnt want to hurt me. He tried to get me to relax and made me rub my clit a lot to make sure I was having an orgasm. We had done a lot of oral and I cummed several times. I was so wet and messy and he felt I was ready
What happened was he pulled me to the edge of the bed and he stood between my legs so I couldn’t close my legs as he tried to penetrate me. He used a lot of KY on his penis and squirted some into me.
He made me hold his penis and pulled his foreskin back. He made me guide him and then he forced himself inside me. It didnt hurt at all, just felt a wee stretch but it felt good as he pushed it in harder and started movin his hips.
I think it would have been easier if I was less anxious. It was an awesome experience.
Tayyy what the…? Your boyfriend is 6’8”? WHAT?
Hi, yes try a very small finger and plenty of lube.. relax and go slow.. best of luck..
It may also be because of the position you are in! When I lost my virginity, we couldn’t get it in in missionary position. Try lifting your hips, putting a pillow under your butt, or doing girl-on-top to open things up a bit!
And relax
Happy sexing!
If you can’t even get a tampon in, you might actually have vaginismus. It’s an unconscious tightening of the vaginal muscles, even when you want to have sex. Using vaginal dilators really helped me. Also doing kegals and relaxation exercises. Almost every vagina is built to birth a baby, so it’s very very rare for a vagina to literally be to small for a penis, no matter how big. It is much more likely that you suffer from this problem.
While this is true, I wouldn’t worry about having that condition just yet. It’s very common for girls who haven’t used a tampon or lost their virginity yet to be tight down there. It’s more likely a combination of nerves and stress that are making things more difficult.
This happened to me. I’d say have him finger you starting with his pinky(lubrication is key in any sex act, whether from mouth or a packet). My bofriend is very tall (6’8) so all his limbs and stuff are big so his pinky is the size of my ring finger(im only 5’4) and he could barely do that the first time. Take a deep breathe, close your eyes and you’ll be fine. Gradually move up finger size and then try the penis. Your first time may involve some pain which is totally natural. Good luck girly.