I really want to lose my virginity and have sex with my boyfriend. I’m totally ready. Except for one thing – he’s too big and doesn’t fit. We’ve tried so many times and it just won’t work. I don’t use tampons either because I can’t even get them up there. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’ll never be able to have sex. Help!
I can totally understand your frustration here – you’re ready to have sex and for some reason, your body is sort of going against you. But don’t worry! This is an issue you can fix and you will be able to have sex one day.
It’s completely normal for girls who haven’t had sex yet to be very tight down there, so please don’t feel like you’re the only girl out there experiencing this. I’d say your best bet is to start small. If you haven’t been able to get a tampon up there yet, of course it’s going to be even more difficult to get anything else up there. So, start with the tampon and then move onto, um, bigger things.
The best, and really only, piece of advice I can give you here is to relax. Chances are, nothing is fitting down there because you’re too tense. That doesn’t mean you’re not ready to have sex – it means you’re probably stressed out by what’s been happening and you’re tightening your vaginal muscles up without even realizing it. Maybe you’re a little afraid of the pain or maybe you’re just thinking too much. Either way, you need to calm down and be as relaxed as possible before you try to put anything in there.
Like I said, I would start with a tampon. In the beginning, go for a light or regular sized tampon – don’t just jump to supers thinking it will help with the sex part later on. Get in as comfortable a position as you can with your legs spread apart and carefully insert the tampon into your vagina. Go slowly and definitely use a mirror so you can see what’s happening. You may feel a little bit of pressure and that’s normal. Remember to take deep breaths and to keep yourself as calm as possible.
Once you have the tampon stuff down, you can move onto the sex stuff. For your first time, take things slow and make sure you’re comfortable. Keep in mind that there may be a little bit of pain and there may even be a little bit of blood (all very normal for your first time). If you feel a ton of pain, stop and talk to a doctor, but otherwise just try to stay relaxed. Easier said than done, right? Try lighting some candles, playing some soft music or doing whatever it is that calms you down before you do the deed. I would strongly consider using lube to make things a little easier and having him try to loosen things up with his finger first.
It may take a little time, but as long as you take things slowly, stay calm and try all of this stuff, you should be okay.
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