Ask A Guy: Is “You’re Too Good For Me” A Legit Breakup Excuse?

Dear Ethan,

My boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago and said it was because he felt like he doesn’t deserve me and I’m too good for him. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard that… is this a legit excuse or is it just something guys say?

The ol’ “it’s not you – it’s me,” eh? I’ve heard that one before. In fact, I might have even dished it out myself before (don’t worry, I’ve adopted much more straightforward break-up methods since then).

The main reason you’re so suspicious of his “justification” is because it doesn’t really explain anything. What does it mean to be “too good” for someone, anyway? (Indulge my 11th Grade Philosophy class for a sec.) If “good girlfriends” bake cookies and “bad boyfriends” forget anniversaries, then sure, some of us are better than others at maintaining relationships. But anyone can learn to be less selfish and more thoughtful – it even happens naturally as we mature and become more experienced. And no one is simply inherently better than anyone else. If that were the case, people would choose partners based on levels of virtuousness rather than emotion.

Although it might initially sting, wouldn’t it be easier to let this guy go if he’d just say “I’m sorry, but I’m just not feeling it enough to continue?” He probably thinks he’s letting you down easy, when really, he’s only causing more confusion. “But you’re great,” you might think. Followed by “Well, maybe he just needs time to himself for a little bit…” All of which drags out a relationship that needs to end.

See, if he’s claiming that he “doesn’t deserve you,” he’s telling the truth simply by uttering such a phrase. If it’s just a lame excuse, then this claim is a self-fulfilling prophecy and an easy way out. If he believes it’s true, then he’s got some self-esteem issues that simply aren’t your problem – there’s nothing you can do to make him feel worthy. Either way, he – and anyone else who has leaned on the phrase – is right: he isn’t worthy of your affection.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

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  • Jennifer

    I started talking to a guy I met with my friend in January. Although I do not speak with him anymore because I deleted his number he’s a nice guy. He would always hit me up, at first I felt it was a little too much, but then I started realizing that he must have really been interested. We went on a few dates, and he would always invite me to things. He wanted to be in a relationship with me but I kept turning him down saying I like to get to know someone before getting into a relationship. Long story short we stopped talking over a week and then he hit me up again saying he wanted to see me.. I mentioned something about his instagram saying why he was posting pictures of girls wearing his hat and he got upset and said I shouldn’t be questioning what he’s doing when he doesn’t question what I do. (Maybe I shouldnt have mentioned this but I feel that if a guy is trying to pursue a girl he shouldn’t be doing things that are red flags). Long story short.. We were supposed to hang out the next day.. And he played me saying that his boy just had a baby. Then the next day he posted another picture with another girl who was kissing him in the cheek.. I text him two days later going straight to the point..

    I asked him why he’s playing with my feelings and he said he’s not.. “I mean I don’t think I am”.. He also said that he cant pursue me and I’m too good for him.. And I said how am I too good for u we all have flaws.. And I ended the conversation with I’m sorry I wasted your time and he responded you didn’t… After that we never spoke again.. Since May…

    But it seems now like he regrets what he did.. Idk I could be wrong.. He still likes my pictures on instagram.. He also deleted all the pictures he had with girls which is weird. And from mutual friends a friend of mine posted a picture that said she was always too good for me and he also like the picture. Lol if that even means anything. I do miss him and find myself thinking about him often and feel like he thinks about me too but I feel like if he did he would’ve hit me up? Unless he’s embarrassed.. But w/e guess I won’t know since I deleted his number. I guess life goes on..

  • ETforreal

    Have I heard this! My very close male friend asked me if he should break up with his girlfriend and I asked him why and he said because he doesn’t think he’s good enough for her- so im like uhm if she likes you and is happy why should you make that decision to just drop her because your feeling inadequate + that same night my boyfriend tells me he thinks hes not good enough for me- which upsets me because we love each other and ive given him no reason to doubt where we stand- rolls eyes