Have you ever had that feeling that you’re stuck in a relationship that you can’t get out of simply because you’re afraid to break up with the person? Maybe it’s been a few years and you’ve just become dependent on that person for a lot of stuff or maybe you’re terrified of the possibility of being single. Either way, you’re probably suffering from a serious case of FOBU – the Fear Of Breaking Up. And if that’s the case, then you need to get over this, because it’s probably ruining your life.
I was introduced to the word FOBU on HowAboutWe.com and as soon as I read it, my brain clicked and I was like, “Yes!” I have totally seen this in action before and I’ve also experienced myself.
In fact, I think we’ve all experienced a little bit of FOBU at least once in our lives. Breaking up is hard. It’s scary, it’s sad and it just sucks. And when you’ve been in a relationship for a while, being single can seem even scarier. Even when relationships are going badly, breaking up still may seem harder than trying to work through things.
But here’s the thing: FOBU may seriously be ruining your life and I’m not just being dramatic here. If you’re forcing yourself to stay with someone who doesn’t make you happy just because you’re afraid to break up, then guess what? You’re obviously not going to be happy. Your life isn’t as good as it could be and you’re probably missing out on some great stuff.
Here are some examples of FOBU in case you’re confused: One of my good friends has been in a relationship with a guy who treats her terribly for years now. There have been more than a few times that I’ve asked her why she won’t just break up with him and move onto better things. Her response is always the same, “I can’t be single. I just can’t. I don’t want to be.”
As HowAboutWe points out, FOBU isn’t limited to just girls. My cousin who is a dude has the same problem as my friend above. He refuses to end a relationship, no matter how unhappy he is, unless he has someone else to fall back on. He goes from one unhappy relationship to another simply because he doesn’t want to be single. So, actually, making that one should be called FOBS (Fear of Being Single).
As for myself? I’m guilty also. A few years ago, I dated a guy for five years. Around year four, I started getting bored and seriously unhappy with our relationship. I knew we had to break up, but just thinking about taking that step scared the poop out of me. I couldn’t imagine ending things with him. Who would send me good morning texts? Who would be my date to family events? Who would be my boyfriend on Facebook? It was too scary to contemplate. So I continued dating him for a few more months until I finally got brave and ended things. And guess what? It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
If you’re experiencing FOBU, there’s really only one way to get rid of it. As dating coach Tracey Steinberg told HowAboutWe, “The cure for FOBU is to grow a set of balls, or ovaries, your choice. You’re not doing either of you any favors by staying with someone who isn’t right for you. You deserve to be in a relationship where you have fun, feel good about yourself and are excited to see your partner.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Look, I know that breaking up can seem terrifying and that being single can seem really horrible. But as someone who conquered FOBU, trust me: once you get over that fear of breaking up, you’ll be so much happier. You’ll be able to move on to better things. And, hey, being single really isn’t as bad as you think it is. I swear! Do you really want to be like this because you’re too scared to end a relationship?
The point of this is to tell you that sometimes you need to break up with someone, no matter how much you don’t want to. Don’t let FOBU hold you back in life!
Have you ever experienced FOBU? Do you know anyone who has? How did you get over it? Tell me in the comments!