Afraid To Break Up? You’re Probably Suffering From FOBU

Have you ever had that feeling that you’re stuck in a relationship that you can’t get out of simply because you’re afraid to break up with the person? Maybe it’s been a few years and you’ve just become dependent on that person for a lot of stuff or maybe you’re terrified of the possibility of being single. Either way, you’re probably suffering from a serious case of FOBU – the Fear Of Breaking Up. And if that’s the case, then you need to get over this, because it’s probably ruining your life.

I was introduced to the word FOBU on HowAboutWe.com and as soon as I read it, my brain clicked and I was like, “Yes!” I have totally seen this in action before and I’ve also experienced myself.

In fact, I think we’ve all experienced a little bit of FOBU at least once in our lives. Breaking up is hard. It’s scary, it’s sad and it just sucks. And when you’ve been in a relationship for a while, being single can seem even scarier. Even when relationships are going badly, breaking up still may seem harder than trying to work through things.

But here’s the thing: FOBU may seriously be ruining your life and I’m not just being dramatic here. If you’re forcing yourself to stay with someone who doesn’t make you happy just because you’re afraid to break up, then guess what? You’re obviously not going to be happy. Your life isn’t as good as it could be and you’re probably missing out on some great stuff.

Here are some examples of FOBU in case you’re confused: One of my good friends has been in a relationship with a guy who treats her terribly for years now. There have been more than a few times that I’ve asked her why she won’t just break up with him and move onto better things. Her response is always the same, “I can’t be single. I just can’t. I don’t want to be.”

As HowAboutWe points out, FOBU isn’t limited to just girls. My cousin who is a dude has the same problem as my friend above. He refuses to end a relationship, no matter how unhappy he is, unless he has someone else to fall back on. He goes from one unhappy relationship to another simply because he doesn’t want to be single. So, actually, making that one should be called FOBS (Fear of Being Single).

As for myself? I’m guilty also. A few years ago, I dated a guy for five years. Around year four, I started getting bored and seriously unhappy with our relationship. I knew we had to break up, but just thinking about taking that step scared the poop out of me. I couldn’t imagine ending things with him. Who would send me good morning texts? Who would be my date to family events? Who would be my boyfriend on Facebook? It was too scary to contemplate. So I continued dating him for a few more months until I finally got brave and ended things. And guess what? It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

If you’re experiencing FOBU, there’s really only one way to get rid of it. As dating coach Tracey Steinberg told HowAboutWe, “The cure for FOBU is to grow a set of balls, or ovaries, your choice. You’re not doing either of you any favors by staying with someone who isn’t right for you. You deserve to be in a relationship where you have fun, feel good about yourself and are excited to see your partner.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Look, I know that breaking up can seem terrifying and that being single can seem really horrible. But as someone who conquered FOBU, trust me: once you get over that fear of breaking up, you’ll be so much happier. You’ll be able to move on to better things. And, hey, being single really isn’t as bad as you think it is. I swear! Do you really want to be like this because you’re too scared to end a relationship?

The point of this is to tell you that sometimes you need to break up with someone, no matter how much you don’t want to. Don’t let FOBU hold you back in life!

Have you ever experienced FOBU? Do you know anyone who has? How did you get over it? Tell me in the comments!

 

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  • sullenday

    I just broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago, and I haven’t had sex since. So, when a guy is afraid to break up, it’s because he doesn’t want to go without sex for the next year. Meanwhile, she immediately pulled a guy out of the friendzone and started a new relationship.

    I don’t understand how women would be afraid of being alone when it’s so easy for them to pick up a partner whenever. Men are sexless, thirsty and begging for girlfriends all over the place while women get their tingles fulfilled on social media.

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  • Karina

    I haven’t been single since I became sexually active. Even when things ended I found myself pretty soon finding someone new and just moving on to that. I recently remembered being called a ‘serial monogamist’. I don’t know. Maybe. I always just felt like a big fat relationship was the only sort of thing worth having. Am I just brainwashed?

    Well as of about 2 days ago today, I’m about to be a person who is not seeing anyone at the moment. Weird.. But I don’t have much of a choice this time. I think people only ever leave when it is more painful (or boring or whatever else would feel bad) to stay than it is to leave.

  • Amber

    I understan what you’re saying here, but there’s still a huge chunk of me that can’t get over the notion that I’d rather die than be single for like a year. I know I have to leave, and yet I can’t help but think that maybe I just value being a gitl with a boyfriend more than I do being “happy” or “loving myself”.

  • May

    Well, my boyfriend treats me really well says he loves me, and we’ve been going out for 3 and a half years. When he’s off on holiday or something I miss him quite a lot… But I feel like now, our relationship is getting boring. I would be single if it wasn’t for the fact that: 1: He is so sweet to me and I could not bear to see his said face and all the necklaces and stuff he gave to me just, sitting there! 2: He is a heart throb and gets asked out by lots of girls, so I couldn’t stand seeing him with someone else, and 3:
    Because I think I have FOBS!!! What should I do???