Straight Talk With Shallon: My Best Friend and I Like The Same Guy!

Big changes afoot, girls! Since I’m coupled up (aka boring), I’ve decided to  focus on giving you darlings love advice rather than prattling on about my own (boring) love life! If you didn’t know, I post romance advice vids to my YouTube page so I thought hey, why not share it with my favorite girls?! But beware–I don’t sugarcoat things. We all have friends who just tell you what you want to hear–I’m not that friend. I’m the one who’s going to be honest and help you make the best decisions possible. It may not always be pretty, but it WILL be the truth!

 

Hi Shallon!

One of my best friends likes this guy and I think I like him too. Even though she liked him first, I can’t just help it. What should I do? I haven’t told ANYONE that I like him because I don’t want her to find out and get mad. Help?

–Ellen

 

Dear Extremely Confused Ellen,

If God had created a 10 Friendship Commandments, number one would’ve been Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy BFF’s Crush. It’s right up there with Honor Thy Pinkie Swears. But falling for the same dude is kind of inevitable – we’re so similar to our friends and therefore we’d probably go for the same guys, right?

So the strategy here is to ask yourself a very simple question: which person do you picture being in your life the longest? Your best friend or your crush?

Note: NEVER fight over a guy. Especially if they  have weird facial hair patterns like this dude. Source: Shutterstock

Note: NEVER fight over a guy. Especially if they have weird facial hair patterns like this dude. Source: Shutterstock

Hey, guess what: YOUR FRIEND. I am still very close with my BFFs from elementary school, high school and college. But I can barely even remember the last names of the boys I like. Besides, think about all the drama if you end up fighting with her. School will become a living hell and um, it’s not even a guarantee that the guy likes you back! What if you stir the pot with your BFF only to discover that – ta da! – he doesn’t like either one of you. Uck. Terrible.

Choosing a friend over a guy is like choosing a salad over a cupcake. In the moment you reeeeeaaaally want to make one decision, but in the long run you will be SO thankful you didn’t. But.. is it really the boy you’re after? In high school I always had crushes on my BFF’s guys because, weirdly, I wanted her life. She was so pretty and confident and smart, I think I subconsciously thought that getting the guy would get me all of her attributes. SHOCKER: it doesn’t work that way.

WWTSD? What would Taylor Swift do?  Source: WENN

WWTSD? What would Taylor Swift do?
Source: WENN

So basically: don’t tell your friend and forget about this crush. Boys come along constantly (trust me they do) but BFFs are hard to find!

XO,
Shallon

Feel free to leave your love Qs in the comments or drop me an email to AskShallon@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ShallonXO

 

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Posted in: Beliefs
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  • Lexie

    Yeah, well my *best* friend is going after the guy I extreme crushed on for two years, right after I asked him to graduation and got rejected, and she is being totally up front about it, so girls, don’t put your friend in the position of pretending its okay you like the same guy as them, when you know they liked him first.

  • Lexi

    My best friend and I like the same guy, Shawn, I liked him first and she knows it… but last night he asked her out. She told me and I said “wait, do you even like him.” That was the first time she told me she liked him… but I’m so lucky to have a bff like her and she rejected him for me. But now I feel bad, cuz a while back I went out with this guy we both liked and it put her through Hell. I told her just to go out with Shawn but she said that she wouldn’t put me through that… But in all honesty, I know I deserve it.

  • Amy

    or you could tell your mate because (unless she’s a total bitch) she’s not gonna hate you. My besto and I have like the same guy for ages and neither of us would stop the other asking him (in fact i did ask him out and she thought i was mental) or going out with him. Your friend shouldn’t stop your happiness of going out with him if he asks you just because she’s a little jealous. It would be really unfair if he asked my BFF out and i hated her because its not her fault he likes her instead of me.

    • Klara

      Thanks, because it doesn”t make it less complicated when your crush is one of your best friends that you’ve maybe started flirting with…….