From The Message Boards: Is Being “Special Friends” Okay Or Should I Define The Relationship?

There comes a point in every sort-of relationship where you have to define the relationship, or DTR, if you will. Nobody wants to be the one to bring it up. Nobody wants to assume that the relationship is something that it’s not. It can get really complicated really quickly.

This week y’all are trying to figure out what to do when a relationship is basically official without the title. Is, as one guy calls it, being “special friends” enough?

What did y’all have to say about the topic?

alegnatm said:

Maybe he just has commitment issues and is afraid to put the official boyfriend girlfriend label on it? I would just talk to him and pretty much tell him what you want. If you are okay with being his “special friend” then leave it at that, but if you are looking for that title and being exclusive I would let him know.

AlyssaRenee999 said:

If you guys are not doing anything sexual and he says you are “Special friends” well that is very confusing. I think what he means is that you’re more than just friends, but you’re not Friends With Benifets. Maybe he just wants to see what it’s like with you a little more, hence the almost girlfriend stage. Or he might just be nervous to be in a real relationship, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I think you should just keep hanging out and being Special friends.Then maybe after a little while he’ll feel comfortable enough to actually give you the title of girlfriend. Good luck!

missb said:

You need to tell him how you feel and what you want from the relationship.

Special_K said:

Special friends sounds really immature and creepy. The only time I’ve heard the phrase “special friends” used, was by guys who were intentionally keeping a girl they fooled with a secret without trying to hurt her feelings. I’d demand an explanation. I wouldn’t want to be any dude’s “special friend” when we are both adults in college.

Ugh the dreaded DTR talk. I’m actually at this stage with a guy right now, and both of us refuse to talk about it which is super unhealthy. That’s another issue. BUT we are not “special friends.” Why? Because, yeah, that is totally creepy!

That’s such a strange label to put on another person. Friends with benefits I find to also be creepy but it at least defines something. You’re friends who hook up. What does “special friends” even mean?

Regardless of the creepy factor or not, you do need to talk to him about it. (And I totally need to take my own advice!) Seriously, if you’re feeling like this is actually a relationship, then you need to tell him. It seems like he wants the same thing, but maybe he doesn’t think you do.

Don’t do the “We need to talk” thing, but just bring it up in a “So what are we doing?” or “Where do you see this going?” kind of way. Be honest! If you keep along this so-called “special friends” path and you’re falling for him, you need to know how he feels now before you fall any further and get hurt.

Have you ever had a “special friend?” What did that mean for you? Did you talk about it to define the relationship? Tell us in the comments!

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  • lil2311

    I have a ”special friend and to be honest, I really like him, and he likes me too.. But his ex dumped him 3 weeks ago, and with GCSE’s we’ve both agreed it would be easier to stay as FWB (Friends with benefits) or special friends. It does drive me insane and make me over think everything, but I know I always have him there..