So maybe some stuff happened, and somehow, you contradicted an STD. Whether you have something temporary, like chlamydia, gonorrhea or syphilis, or something permanent like HPV, herpes or HIV, one thing is for sure: you need to tell your partner what’s going on down there. But how do you tell someone you have an STD?
I know that having that sort of conversation may be awkward, uncomfortable and really embarrassing. But despite the fact that it’s something you maybe would rather avoid, it’s something you have to do. It’s really irresponsible to fool around or have sex with someone without telling that you have an STD. Not only could they get infected unknowingly, but it’s also deceiving. Think about it this way: how would you feel if you slept with someone and later found out they had something? Whether you guys used a condom or not (and I hope you did), you’re still going to be pretty pissed off that you didn’t know about it in the first place.
Before we go into how to tell your partner about your STD or STI, let’s figure out when that conversation should come up. It should definitely happen before you two have sex or do anything below the belt, but that doesn’t mean you have to run around alerting every guy in your path that you have something. But at the same time, you don’t want to wait until the condom is on him and he’s ready to go when you spill the news.
The best time to have this discussion is when you find someone you like and you have a feeling that you two are going to hook up. Maybe go on a few dates and let yourself get comfortable with him. There’s no set time I can give you to have this conversation, so you should do it when it feels right. Maybe that’s after your third date when you’re hanging in his room, maybe it’s during the first date so you can get it out of the way or maybe you’d rather wait much longer than that. It really comes down to when you’re ready to discuss it – but, like I said, it should be before you start hooking up.
When you tell the guy, try to stay calm, relaxed and confident. You don’t need to make a huge scene. Just say something like, “Hey, before we do anything, I just want to let you know that I have ____.” You don’t need to tell him how you got it, where you got it or anything like that – unless you want to, of course. He may be curious, so let him ask some questions.
I’m not going to lie to you: your partner may be a little freaked out, especially if he’s not mature enough to handle this type of situation. Don’t pressure him into hooking up still and make sure you give him the time he needs to process the info and make a decision about what he wants to do. Things may be awkward, but just try to be comfortable.
If you guys do decide to go ahead and hook up, a condom is obviously absolutely necessary. Your partner may also want to get tested afterwards. You should also be paying attention to your STD or STI symptoms. For example, when you’re being treated for gonorrhea, you can’t have sex. Keep things like that in mind.
All in all, you just need to get this uncomfortable situation out of the way. Don’t be super shy about it. I know that this is going to be hard for you, but you should feel good about yourself for being honest with your partner.
How would you tell someone that you have an STD or STI? Has anyone ever told you that? Would it turn you off? Tell us in the comments.