When you start dating someone new, the number one thing you start thinking about is probably when you should make your relationship official. Am I right? Wondering when to start calling that dude you’ve been hooking up with your boyfriend can be super stressful. If you say it at the wrong time, it can destroy any chance of a future relationship – but the same thing can happen if you wait too long. Argh.
Well, a recent study done by both Zoosk and Glamour revealed something a little bit surprising about when to make things official. They took a look at over 1,000 girls and 1,000 dudes and this is what they found: 25 percent of women think that you should wait “at least a few months” before making things legit, while 43 percent of guys thought “it takes a couple of good dates.”
So, how do you know when to make your sort-of-relationship an official relationship? That can be a little bit tricky.
Here’s something important that you need to remember: you have every right to ask the dude you’ve been hooking up with what he wants and if he’s interested in being your boyfriend. I know too many girls who are too afraid to ever bring up the Big Talk because they’re worried that it’s going to scare the guy off. That is ridiculous.
Listen, girls: if bringing up the r-word (relationship) is really going to scare the guy off, then he was never interested in seriously dating you to begin with and waiting longer was most likely not going to change that. That may sound harsh, but it’s true. If a guy is interested and worth your time, he’s not going to go running out the door when you ask him about being boyfriend and girlfriend.
Back to the first question. How do you know when it’s time to bring it up? I’m siding with the guys here: it’s best to wait until after a couple of great dates and hang out seshs. Don’t be all like, “BE MY BOYFRIEND” in the middle of a first date, okay? That will freak anyone out. Wait a few weeks, after you guys have been hanging out for a little while. This will give you both time to get to know each other and to figure out if you’d like to be in a relationship together. It will also give you time to get more comfortable to talk to him about it.
Okay, so then how do you bring it up? I know that starting this conversation with a dude can be awkward, uncomfortable and completely nerve-wracking. Trust me, I know. I’ve done it a million times and let me just tell you guys something: I am really shy. So if I can talk about this with dudes, anyone can. I promise.
Like I said, this might be a slightly awkward convo – there might be no getting around that. But it’s worth it! Would you rather be lame and sit around waiting to hear what he thinks or would you rather take the initiative and find out where his head is on your own? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Here’s what to do: first of all, this conversation should happen in person, not through text messages, Facebook chats or even on the phone. Second of all, you should be relatively calm when you bring it up. The worst time to do this is in the middle of a fight or in the middle of sex.
When asking your guy what he wants and if he wants to make the relationship official, you just need to be blunt. There’s no beating around the bush. Just say something like this: “I think we’ve been having a lot of fun these past few weeks and I really like you. I just want to know what you want out of this relationship? Are you interested in getting serious or are you not looking for anything like that?” Yes, ladies, you do have to tell him how you feel.
Another important thing to keep in mind: going into this, you need to know what you want. If you want a relationship, you need to say that. If you don’t, say that too. And don’t agree to things you don’t want. If the guy says he has no interest in being serious, he means it. Don’t be like, “Oh, okay, we can be friends with benefits” and secretly hope he’ll change his mind. He won’t. As much as it sucks, you may need to cut ties with him if things don’t go well. Don’t settle for something you don’t want just to be with him in some way!
Basically, this is a conversation that needs to happen. I know waaaayyyy too many girls who have been hooking up with a guy they really like for months and are too afraid to ask him what he wants. And you know what? These girls aren’t happy. They’re stressed because they have no clue what this dude wants because they’re too scared to say what they want. And you deserve better than that.
So, for lack of a better choice of words, man up and have The Talk with your guy after a few weeks of dating. No matter what happens, I promise that you won’t regret figuring things out on your own.
Have you ever had The Talk with a guy? What did you say? Are you afraid to ask to make things official? Tell us in the comments.