I really don’t like receiving oral sex. Actually, I don’t even like giving it that much, but I don’t mind it. My boyfriend always wants to give me oral sex and I always try to avoid it. How can I tell him I’m not into it without insulting him? And will he think I’m weird or be turned off by me?
While plenty of men love to perform oral sex, any guy’s enjoyment of the act derives from the woman’s pleasure. So in other words, if you’re not enjoying it, your dude likely won’t be either.
Before expressing to your boyfriend that you’re not into receiving, think about the reasons why. Does it make you self-conscious? Does it cause you to feel less connected to him? Or could the problem be the specific way he does it? It’s important to examine your sexual preferences before communicating them to a partner because there might be deeper layers to the issue that more urgently need to be addressed.
However, if your aversion is simply due to a general, personal preference, the easiest, nicest, and sexiest way to convey it is with positivity. Rather than dwelling on what you don’t like, and potentially making him feel embarrassed or self-conscious about his abilities, give him something else to do the next time he moves down there: “That’s nice,” you can say, “but I like it even better when you ______” (fill in the blanks with your favorite sexual act). Keeping the dialogue constructive will not only preserve his sexual confidence, it might even build it up!
If he just doesn’t ever seem to get the message – or does, and takes offense – initiate an open conversation with him when you’re not in the bedroom. Waiting until things get hot and heavy will totally kill the vibe and might wound his pride. Instead, take advantage of a completely asexual moment (e.g. while watching TV, eating dinner, hanging with his parents… just kidding about that last one) to explain that you’d rather be spending hanky panky-time on things other than oral sex. For bonus points, suggest some alternate activities which you haven’t yet tried together. If he thinks you’re weird or gets “turned off” by a mature, open, and progressive discussion, then he’s not right for you in the first place, girl!
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.