What To Do If Your Boyfriend Wants You To Lose Weight For Him

Have you ever felt like you should lose weight for your boyfriend because he wants you to? If so, you’re probably not alone. According to a new study, almost 60 percent of people in relationships want their partner to lose weight. And they’re not just talking a pound or two – almost all of them want their partner to lose at least a stone (which roughly translates to about 14 pounds). Ugh. This study is a major bummer.

Unfortunately, this does happen in real life. So what are you supposed to do if your boyfriend drops major hints that he wants you to drop a few pounds? What are you supposed to do if he just comes right out and tells you to lose weight? No one wants to be told they should go on a diet… especially if that unwanted advice comes from someone they love and want to impress. Saying that to someone (unless their life literally depends on losing weight) comes out mean, superficial and degrading, no matter how nice you try to make it sound. And it stinks.

Here’s the deal: unless, like I said, your life is in jeopardy, your boyfriend should never ask you to lose weight for him. Ever. It’s rude, it’s mean and it’s not cool. A relationship is not all about looks – as corny as it may sound, your boyfriend should love you for who you are, not how much you weigh.

Even if you’ve gained some weight (and that can be normal when you start a new relationship), that still doesn’t give him the right to criticize you for it. Sometimes our weight fluctuates – there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not saying you should go out and eat chips until you gain 15 pounds, no big deal, but gaining a little weight over the course of some time is nothing to beat yourself up over.

If your BF asks you to start hitting the gym, take a minute to think and try to stay confident. I know that can be a pretty big blow, but if you’re honestly happy with yourself and your body, then what he thinks shouldn’t change that. Let him know that you’re perfectly fine with your weight and you don’t appreciate what he just said. If you keep your self-esteem up and tell him off, he might figure out on his own that he’s being a jerk.

Should you break up with him over a comment like that? Maybe – that’s your decision. But if your BF starts messing with your self-esteem, that may be a sign that it’s time for the relationship to end. Your boyfriend should be one of the people in your life who makes you feel good about yourself for who you are. You should feel comfortable in your own skin around him. If he makes you feel awkward and unattractive, then you shouldn’t be dating him.

Always keep in mind that if you decide to lose weight, you should be doing it for you and no one else. You should never try to change your body or yourself to make someone else happy. One, it will never work the way you want it to and two, that’s not going to make you happy and that’s what’s most important.

Has your BF ever told you to lose weight? Have you ever felt like you had to lose weight for a guy? Tell us in the comments.

 

I Weigh More Than My Boyfriend

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  • Maria Vila Fadhel

    Umh i have mixed feelings about it. I will elaborate. My boyfriend has expressed his concern about my health since the beginning. I nearly dumped him when he suggested for me to lose weight. He was loving and caring, never said it in a degrading demeanor. And then it happened, I went to the doctor for routine and my blood pressure was 192/125, my sugar was high, etc. Ever since then we’ve been eating healthy and working out together. He is a seasoned runner and gave up running with his group to walk with me. I’ve so far lost 27 pounds and we’ve celebrated every victory together. So I guess sometimes we need to hear it from the one we love.

  • light

    i am passing through this now, i really need someone give me an advice because i am feeling so sufocated… Well, i will resume everything and tell what really matters. Iam Brazilian, he is Asian, I have curves, big butt and legs, and i am not skinny. He is just 4cm taller than me, and his structure is small compared to guys in my country, and he weight less than me. So, we fight about this in June, and yesterday we fight again. He said when he used to go out with me, he loved all the moments he had with me and blablabla, but he felt kinda bothered because of my body (he says that, but between 4 walls he almost ate me, literally), saying that some people was talking about us, because i am bigger than him and blablabla, superfecial asian’s thing. On june, he said that he was afraid of his family and his friends would say about us, because he didnt want me to be hurted (me, uhum, he was just thunking on himself.), He even put a condition, if i wanted to stay with him i needed to loose weight!! This bothers me a lot, yesterday i remembered him about this, and he said ”but i didnt gave u a specific time, i was willing to wait for u for one three years” and me ”so u are with me waiting for me to lose weight?” so then we started fighting. One thing that is also important to say: he said ”if you dont want to loose weight, so fuck it, i break up with you”. And he cant fucking change his mind, and realize how DICK is being with me, i always did everything for me. I love him so much, i dont know what to do. He says i am beautiful and he is so attract for me (i can see that when we make love), but other times he just do that, making me feel like a monster, like if i weight 150 kg, like if i am the most fat and ugly person, even if i already lost more than 20 kg in 2 years ago… I stay in the gym for more than 2 hours every day, i can see my body getting firm, but dont see more weight loss… i am so afraid of loosing him because of my body, same time i wanted to say go to hell and live my life. Can someone give me an advice? 🙁

  • Britt

    Been in a relationship for almost 3 yrs now. We have our highs and lows. Normal. The thing he does that erks me is when we’re eating together he constantly says WOO!! I’m full. How about you? It doesn’t matter where we are who we’re with. At first I thought man that’s childish for a 27 year old. As the days went by I have another outlook on it. I have gained about 10 pounds in 3 years. Its just when you’re with someone and you have history with them it hurts to know they want you in a different light. I’m very comfortable in my skin and a very confident woman. I’m wondering am I reading too far into it?

  • gReenLovers

    I just dating this guy last night and he already tell me to lose weight, he tell me that’s for my own good not for him, and the next morning he send me someone pictures with a good body. so is that make a sense for him in the first place to tell me that? Or he tell the truth about me? I don’t know

  • Scarlett

    My boyfriend told me that I should lose weight. I asked why, he told me that he likes my body as it is now.. but he likes my body more a few years ago. I only weigh 68 kilos though, and I am fine with this. (Even though I can’t pretend that I don’t want to lose a few pounds as well.) But when he told me that, my insecurities washed onto me and it hurt me badly. Am I overreacting? What should I do?

  • JM

    I’m 5’8″ and 138 lbs and a size four. My boyfriend saw one of my old modeling pictures from a few years back and was drooling as I was a size 0, and that was before engineering school. He told me that I needed to lose 25 lbs and “don’t worry we will get it off of you!” I have to say that I am happy where I am with my size, I have to eat these days as I am using my brain for school and it does require some fuel, and losing that much weight would make me very unhealthy. This is the second guy that I have met that wants me to lose weight and I have decided to focus my time on getting ahead in life and finishing my education instead of dealing with shallow pansies…I found the best diet of all time and it’s called losing 200 lbs in three minutes by dumping the sorry SOB!

  • Riversong

    My ex broke up with me because i had “changed” he eventually told me it was because i had gained too much weight… what a dick! glad he’s out of my llife. we all get comfortable sometimes and stop caring about what we eat, right?

    a while ago i met a guy who is now my bf and he loves me and loved being with me even though i was a bit chubby.. but just recently he had been dropping hints that i should be skinny.. and the desktop computer is full of pictures of really skinny girls and hes always talking about how thin girls he has had are wayyy hotter than the fat girls hes had.. i did a teatox and started eating really clean because i had become unhappy about being chubby.. (i weighed about 86kilos at 169cm tall) yep his influence was strong. but it also kinda opened my eyes. “ew im fat” id say accidentally catching my reflection at the shopping centres. my metabolism worked great along with the teatox/cleanfood, so i lost 10 kilos in a month. (my poor body, my weight is always fluctuating.) and right now im around 65 kilos and getting less. hes always touching me now and praising me and caressing me and even though its so nice that hes soooo attracted to me physically now i cant help but think “did i really do this for me?” just in the back of my mind i keep hearing “youre only doing this to impress him..” even though he keeps convincing me that im happier this way and that all along ive been doing it for myself…

    “oh well” i say as i continue to lose weight… not really sure if its for my own good or for the good of him.. eating healthy and exercising regularly does feel good though.. but yeah. soz for the novel, my head is spinning with these confused thoughts.

  • Kenley

    My boyfriend said I had to lose 20 pounds, when all I want is to shove I’m face in ice cream ( especially when Mother Nature vists) and quite frankly it’s insulting cause I’ve already lost 12 pounds and for what for a guy who doesn’t love me for me. I’d rather live with food, happy and confident than with a guy who controls what I eat and how I eat!

  • izzy

    me and my bf met online and we send pictures and video chat, and we met a month before and he new i was chunky and he didnt mind it at all he said its what counts on the inside and blah blah so then later one we started dating and i thought to my self if he really went out with me because of me or because he felt sorry for me and because i was the only girl talking to him at the time or that i actually had my life planned out. idk, but ive noticed that i think he only gave me a chance because he felt bad for me. because back then he was the biggest player fucking the skinny girls and what not then dating me. we have been dating for 9 months and i have heard the loose weight for about 4 times already, he said he loves me but he wants me to be healthy and i tell him i am a healthy chubby chick! i am not ugly and i am not omg obese but idk. i feel like he wants me to change and he cant acccept that i am like this and it honestly hurts because i never ask him t change or even to loose weight !and we both have gained accouple pounds but it just hurts because its the person you love and its coming from his mouth. and im to the point where its like wtf? i give you everything in a heart beat ive been there thru thick and thin done things most people wpould of broken up with you and yet im too chubby and cant be happy with me. i love him dearly but how can i make him understand? we just moved into an apartment and idk. just wished he loved me for me i guess… guess media and people made him think skinni is the happy way…

  • Kate

    I’m 5’11” and 150 pounds. When we first started dating 3 years ago, I was 5’11” and 125 pounds. I was extreemly underweight but I felt healthy and confident. Now he is constantly hounding me and saying that all he’s ever asked is for me to lose the weight and go back to how I was when we first met. I’m no longer in the underweight, but I’m also not in the over weight. I do want to be more toned and a bit thinner, but with my hips getting larger over the last few years (I’m 20) there’s not a lot I can do about my pant size… He just doesn’t like my stomach because it’s not toned.

  • PacificMaelstrom

    For me personally, I used to be fat as a kid but I learned to control my weight. In relationships I believe in equality: I wouldn’t expect anything of a girl that I dont expect of myself. I also can’t respect a girl who doesnt take control of and responsibility for her body. It’s a lie that it is strength to “accept yourself as you are”, it’s just giving up.

    For those of you with SO’s asking for weightloss, take it as a sign that they care enough about you to not just dump you and find someone else. Should you then dump them for asking you to improve yourself?

    If you want to loose weight, exercise really, really doesent matter. It may make you healthier but you wont loose weight. To loose weight you have to eat less (Count calories all the time. Just get in the habit.).

  • Nicole

    I’ve been talking with person for awhile now, but he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend. I figure it was because I am fat. I’m 5’5 and weigh 172 pounds. He doesn’t know my weight because i’m afraid if I tell him he will leave me. All my friends have a significant other and I’m so happy and support their relationship but I get so lonely. Wishing someone would maybe peck me on the cheek and tell me that i’m pretty for once. But this guy says he is giving me a month to lose 30 pounds starting today. I barely get chances for guys to notice me, so I kept thinking about different ways to lose the weight and I tried making myself puke. this weight has to come off fast and now. I feel so ashamed, that I’m letting him get to me and I know him telling me that is bad yet he’s probably one of the only few people that will find me attractive at all.

    • Louise

      If it’s not your weight they’d want to change something else n make u miserable like he’s doing now best thing I did was get rid of my ex for pressuring me all the time to lose weight n I was scared to be on my own again but I’m so much happy now he’s gone best thing I did telling him to go don’t let no one put u down

    • blueberry bootycheeks

      You should feel ashamed. Making yourself throw up!!! That’s just lazy cut carbs hit the treadmill 3-4 times a week shoot for 3lbs a week

  • jessa

    Dudes just KILL me when they say shit like this. My thing is if you are still willing to ask me for sex and or preform sexual acts on me, clearly I’m still attractive somewhat to you. Miss me with that bullshit. ?

  • annie

    yesterday my boyfriend come out and told me that if I love him as much as I say I do then I should lose weight for him….I was very up set with him and still am I just don’t know what to do I feel like im not good enough for him anymore. and when I asked him why he wanted me to lose weight he said it will show him how much I love him and at this rate I don’t know if I love him anymore…

    • Shady B

      Annie, dump him! You deserve someone better than that. He doesn’t love, he just wants to control you.
      Leave as soon as you can and start loving and accepting that you are great as you are!

  • are

    My boyfriend made me sign a contract saying that if i don’t lose 20 lbs by Christmas, i have to end my relationship with him. He also signed a contract stating the same, just for him ending his relationship with me. I love him so much, we’ve been together for almost a year and although i do mention i want to lose a few pounds, i did’nt think he’d come up with this much of a plan. I weigh 160 and when we first started dating i weighed 145, but i was also in high school and on the weightlifting team. I;m now a college freshman with a relatively sedentary lifestyle. At the same time, I also love my body. It took me years to be comfortable in my own skin and i dont have that kind of time to convince someone else. I just have to look at this dillema as a positive thing. Maybe he loves me enough to care about my weight. I am overweight. He says in the end, i will thank him – i’m not so sure. What do you guys think?

    • Adriana Diaz

      He is an asshole point blank.

  • kk

    I have been with him for over six years. When we first met I only weighted 93 lbs and I was too skinny for my family. For Him, I was perfect at the time. Now I weight 120 lbs and he keeps on telling me that I should lose weight. I even join a gym now and I exercise 3 days a week for about 45mn or 1hre, I also do sit-ups sometimes at nights or everyday when I feel more committed. But for him it’s not enough. I’m not even comfortable to change in front of him because he’ll start preaching about how I should lose weight to stay young and beautiful. I feel hurt, what should I do with a guy like that?

    • Adriana Diaz

      Find a better guy

  • Christine Smith

    My boyfriend broke up with me for being fat and I had even lost 30 pounds before hand (online relationship, met in person, he saw pics of me before I lost 30 pounds). He said he loved me and stuff then when I got there did a 180 saying he was never attracted to me, but wanted to give me a chance. Majorly hurt my self esteem now I believe I have an eating disorder cuz I’m hitting the gym hard and barely eating.

    • Shady B

      If nobody has told you this, Christine: you are beautiful just the way you are and God will send the man who will love everything about YOU! Before getting into a relationship, work on your self esteem which is more important than yours weight. Only lose weight because you want to, not for everybody else.
      I’ve been in the same situations as you many times and I developed bulimia because of people’s comments about my weight. I don’t those people in my anymore and if a person insinuates that I should lose weight I kick them to curb. I suffer from PCOS and it’s SO MUCH HARDER to lose weight when you have this disease.
      So Christine, God loves you the way you are and so should everyone else, if not, then kick them to the streets!
      YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

  • mark

    To all the ladies saying to dump him. I bet every single one of you would say you want a honest man, someone who opens up to you and tells you everything. But, if it comes to your looks, why is that suddenly off the table? You can’t have it both ways, either you want a honest man who tells you everything or one that lies about how he feels about certain things.