What To Do If Your Boyfriend Wants You To Lose Weight For Him

Have you ever felt like you should lose weight for your boyfriend because he wants you to? If so, you’re probably not alone. According to a new study, almost 60 percent of people in relationships want their partner to lose weight. And they’re not just talking a pound or two – almost all of them want their partner to lose at least a stone (which roughly translates to about 14 pounds). Ugh. This study is a major bummer.

Unfortunately, this does happen in real life. So what are you supposed to do if your boyfriend drops major hints that he wants you to drop a few pounds? What are you supposed to do if he just comes right out and tells you to lose weight? No one wants to be told they should go on a diet… especially if that unwanted advice comes from someone they love and want to impress. Saying that to someone (unless their life literally depends on losing weight) comes out mean, superficial and degrading, no matter how nice you try to make it sound. And it stinks.

Here’s the deal: unless, like I said, your life is in jeopardy, your boyfriend should never ask you to lose weight for him. Ever. It’s rude, it’s mean and it’s not cool. A relationship is not all about looks – as corny as it may sound, your boyfriend should love you for who you are, not how much you weigh.

Even if you’ve gained some weight (and that can be normal when you start a new relationship), that still doesn’t give him the right to criticize you for it. Sometimes our weight fluctuates – there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not saying you should go out and eat chips until you gain 15 pounds, no big deal, but gaining a little weight over the course of some time is nothing to beat yourself up over.

If your BF asks you to start hitting the gym, take a minute to think and try to stay confident. I know that can be a pretty big blow, but if you’re honestly happy with yourself and your body, then what he thinks shouldn’t change that. Let him know that you’re perfectly fine with your weight and you don’t appreciate what he just said. If you keep your self-esteem up and tell him off, he might figure out on his own that he’s being a jerk.

Should you break up with him over a comment like that? Maybe – that’s your decision. But if your BF starts messing with your self-esteem, that may be a sign that it’s time for the relationship to end. Your boyfriend should be one of the people in your life who makes you feel good about yourself for who you are. You should feel comfortable in your own skin around him. If he makes you feel awkward and unattractive, then you shouldn’t be dating him.

Always keep in mind that if you decide to lose weight, you should be doing it for you and no one else. You should never try to change your body or yourself to make someone else happy. One, it will never work the way you want it to and two, that’s not going to make you happy and that’s what’s most important.

Has your BF ever told you to lose weight? Have you ever felt like you had to lose weight for a guy? Tell us in the comments.

 

I Weigh More Than My Boyfriend

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19 Comments

  1. avatar dyan azani says:

    My bf ask me to be slim girl and as thin as him, it means a lot for me bcs he said he love me, and his act just make me feel “is he truly love me?” He also wants me to have large breast,,, long and smoith hair,, as perfect as he always wish and that’s not me! What can I do, if I ask him to break up bcs of that topic, he just say ” oh come on baby, I just advice you to get health body” what can I do??? I truly love him, but I don’t know his feeling toward me.

  2. avatar Evie says:

    If he asks you to lose weight, you should do as he says. Drop 160lbs by dumping his sorry ass.

  3. avatar collegechick says:

    I started dating my bf over 2 years ago. When we met I was 125 pounds, muscular and bulimic. With lots of encouragement from him I stopped unhealthy behaviors but without starving myself then binging and purging, I began to overeat, and eat unhealthy junk food. At first he was very encouraging, especially since I started eating meat and stuff (garbage) he eats, with him. Over the past year and a half I have reached 169 pounds, but I had no idea it was this much until I weighed myself a couple months ago (after my ED and beginning to gain weight I became phobic of the scale). Then our sex life started to suffer and he made a ton of excuses like he was on medicine or stressed. Finally, he told me that it was the weight I had gained; he loved me very much and wanted to be with me but he can barely be attracted to me now, and our relationship won’t work unless I lose at least some of this weight. I am devastated, my self esteem is shot, and although I desperately want to lose weight and get in shape again and don’t want to lose him, I feel like I don’t deserve to be with someone who only wants to be with me conditionally. He knows how sensitive I am about my weight and that I am trying to lose it, I even lost 10 pounds this summer (which he failed to even NOTICE) so I am really upset that he would even say this to me. He said he has been bottling it up inside bc he didn’t want to hurt me, but he doesn’t want to have to break up with me over something so stupid that I can “control”, but he simply cannot be sexually attracted to me this way. All of my friends hate him and want me to leave him and a big part of me does, but I love him and I love being with him accept for this, and I did cross over from a normal, healthy weight into obesity (I am only 5’2″), and I can’t help but imagine how unattracted to him I would feel if he suddenly became obese. I also probably couldn’t deal with being with him and not really having sex, but we are long distance for the year because I am in college still and he has graduated, so I don’t even get to see him or have sex often and it would be a good time in my life to lose this weight, before I have a job and responsibilities and stuff, but I don’t want to lose weight FOR him only, so I am really torn here. What should I do about him?

  4. avatar nerdy_chiq says:

    I had this same issue with my ex. He wanted me to lose weight over the summer so I commited a lot time exercising and eating right. But the weight was barely coming off. Towards the end of the summer my mother had a small heart attack so I was worried about her however I still exercised just not as much. Point is my ex would tell me I was lying or I was making up excuses to gain weight and when I asked for encouragement he would tell me no he’s not my parent. And his words exactly”I’m not a chubby chaser, ni***s are” and he’s actually twice my size. whenever Im out and i see my ex and his man tits flopping around I just laugh.

  5. avatar Ashley says:

    I am absolutely in love with my boyfriend for over two years. He’s awkward, nerdy, bone thin, and adorable. So when I started dating him I knew I was the full breasted, chunky girl. I always was able to get guys growing up, I knew how to style my hair and do my make up to distract from my weight. I’ve never felt comfortable with myself. I’ve always been around 170 since high school and have been cursed with these huge breasts I would do anything to get rid of.
    I have the type of relationship that we can do anything in front of each other, even hanging out naked in front of him which I was never able to do in front of anyone else. He always tells me I’m pretty and have a pretty face, but after I worked out yesterday, he commented in the shower that he was unimpressed by the two miles I ran.
    When I get out of the shower and have only my towel on he says to me, “Ashley, as your boyfriend I have the right to tell you you need to lose…”
    I lost it and cried in the other room. Eventually we made up, but I can’t get the hurt out of my system. I feel like he broke me and all he sees is weight. I’m trying to be myself around him but whenever he leaves to do something I break down since he feels this way about me. He’s known how sensitive I am about this and the way I was made fun of in high school and now I’m steps away from marrying him and I can’t get how badly he hurt me. I don’t want to be naked in front of him anymore.

  6. avatar Rita says:

    Sure, for years becouse he likes thin long legs… Sadly I am pear shapet, my legs are big, and my breasts are not.

  7. avatar Kori says:

    I have been with my boy friend for 3 and a half years. I never really thought much about my weight because I was always sick growing up never really had to deal with it but the last year and a half I have been really healthy and am a size 5 now. I have heard my bf making comments to me several months before about cellulite on my thighs and that kind of hurt but I got over it. And one day I just wanted to go to the mall with my sister and I was wearing a cute tight fitting dress with red heels and I felt fantastic. He told me I should put leggings on and I thought he was telling me my dress was short so I changed and then my sister asked why and I told her what I thought he was saying then right in front of my sister he said no, I just need to wear pants or leggings until I tighten up. Which was ridiculous. Because after talking to him I realize his idea of tightening up involves abs. I need my reserve incase I get sick again. I finally look healthy but now I feel disgusting. I can’t even go to the pool without feeling self conscious I just want to be a size 2 or smaller again.

  8. avatar Rose says:

    I don’t have any advice to give as I am in a similar situation. I started hanging out with this guy about 10 yrs ago. At that time he said he just wanted to b friends. We would hang out every weekend. As the yrs went on my feelings for him grew to love as did his for me. We would do anything for eachother. I am over weight & was suggesting we make love at some point & he said he loves me but wants me to lose weight. I promised him I would that was at least 4 yrs ago. It is not like I am not trying but it seems no matter what I do it is not coming off. I love him so much, I fantasize about the life we could have if I could lose this extra fat. We have moved into the same house but during the week he sleeps down stairs in his room while I am upstairs in mine & still like usual we do our same routine on the weekends. B4 we moved things were getting a little heated bw us. I would give him bjs but he would stop me b4 he was done. Now when I try anything he just rolls over or says he is too tired. I don’t know what to do I am going to the gym every weekday Mon-Fri working out. I am just getting fo frustrated & would like some suggestions on how to proceed. I want a normal relationship with him. I just don’t know how to get there. Please let me know what I should do or what you would do in this situation.

    Thanks,
    Frustrated with no end in sight!

  9. avatar Alyson says:

    I never thought I would be in this situation. But what do you know. This exact thing happened to me this afternoon. His words were as follows: “Babe, you’ve been putting on weight lately, hey? I was stunned. I mean, yes, I have put on a few pounds, and I have been fully aware of it. BUT..even after the recent weight gain I am 5’6″ and 125lbs. I do want to get into a better shape and habe the bikini body ready before the summet comes, but him pointing out the obvious was very much upsetting if not down right demoralizing. Isn’t he the one who’s supposed to make me feel attractive, sexy and confident? He and I have been taking about our long-term future and marriage for a while now, but now I am not quite sure if I have made the right decision on choosing himas my future hubby.

  10. avatar Tina says:

    Hi, yes my boyfriend of 2 months who is also a bit overweight has told me to loose weight if I want to “keep” him. I am a regular gym goer and I know I need to loose a few pounds only (max 1 stone). I have told him, I will only loose weight for myself and no one else. I was quite shocked at his comment and upset. He then went on to insist I get a personal trainer, to which I replied I don’t have stupid money to waste. I do eat healthily and I know there is always room for improvement.
    I told him, I accept him for how he is and I know he is trying to loose weight, and my weight will come off gradually.
    He has basically gone off in a hump, and I may lose him over his. But I’d rather live a life of freedom than someone trying to control me and making me feel self conscious.
    I think he has deeper issues to deal with. What will it be next, hi wanting me to have a tummy tuck, boob job, bu lift….. etc etc…

  11. avatar Metalchild says:

    There’s nothing wrong with suggesting and positively encourage someone to get to a healthier weight. As much as someone likes a person (and it goes for both gender), it’s kinda hard to get the sexy on when there are extra poundages in the way. If the girl/guy being asked absolutely does not want to change weight and get offended by the encouragement, might as well break up. But if they are open to the idea, great, the couple can work out together!

  12. avatar Another guy says:

    Why get upset because he’s pointing out the obvious? 99% of the time women complain about how they want there bodies to look different. The guy gives realistic advice on how to change said appearance. Guy turns into a shallow jerk.

    Why either party thinks “welp, the relationship is official, time to stop caring about how i look” is beyond me. Its pretty difficult to care about someone that doesnt care about themselves. You should want to be the best version of you for your partner, and if that means exercising 30 minutes a day and not eating a pint of ben and jerrys before bed, so be it. Besides if they arnt worth that little sacrifice, do you really even want to be with them?

  13. avatar Guy says:

    I have dealt with this exact situation recently. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man expressing how he feels and what he would like, as long as he is not being abusive or telling her what she needs to do. I was honest with my wife that it bothered me she had gained some weight. For a few months I tried to dismiss it but it kept coming up in my thoughts. So I approached her in a loving manner and let her know my thoughts and feelings. I never told her she needed to change and I never asked her to either. Just expressed how I felt. It hurt her feelings of course and we talked about it. She made a decision to do something about it but even if she hadn’t I would still love her and I wouldn’t have brought it up again. There is nothing wrong with a man talking and being honest with his spouse/ best friend if something is bothering him no matter what it is. The wrong thing to do is tell her what she needs to do or making abusive comments to get her to lose weight. That has to be her choice.

  14. avatar scroogle says:

    My boyfriend has asked me to lose weight, i cant really pin down the times when he’s been positive and said “we should go excersise together! i want to tone up, so do you itl be great!” and weighing that up with “dont get mad but i want you to lose weight” or if im eating alot in a meal and have seconds he’s said “stop eating..(or you’ll gain weight)”, he once asked me if i was pregnant when i was heavier. I’m not trying to make him out like a bad guy, hes usually funny, caring and tells me I’m atractive. but his comments have effected my confidence (which has always been an issue as I have struggled with eating disorders and blah). I’m at a loss becuase I want to lose weight (I am 11 stone 6 but i excersise eat right and am not podgy) but I dont want him to control it.

    • avatar Laurens says:

      I am in a similar situation.
      I have been with my man for 5 years now and every now and then he will ask me to lose weight ‘because I could look so much better’. Until I was with him I felt very confident about how I looked but on days like this I look in the mirror and don’t want to eat. I love him, we talk about marriage and kids, but when something like this is so important to him I question if he is the right guy for me..

  15. avatar yea says:

    What about women who ask their boyfriends to lose weight, shave themselves, etc? Talk about double standards. You think men should just accept whatever women do? Please!

    • avatar Jessica Booth says:

      Can you let me know where we stated that women can ask men to lose weight/shave but men can’t ask women that? Because I don’t see how you came to that conclusion on your own.

      • avatar Samwell says:

        I think he meant that generally many women do expect that of their man just as many many men expect their lady to stay slim.

  16. avatar P2 says:

    He always told me to weight loss,as his frns gf do

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