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I do standup comedy at night, and about a year ago, my pal Amanda and I were at one of my shows where a guy named Matt also performed. Long story short, I started talking to Matt. He seemed cool enough, so we wound up exchanging numbers.

Big mistake.

I wound up going out with Matt one time, and one time only. Because it was all I could take.

He spent literally the entire night giving me unsolicited advice on comedy and my career . . . which is really weird, because not only did I never ask him for any of it, but I also get a lot more work than he does. He was super condescending and only wanted to talk about “the business” and how I need to be less dry with my jokes. At first I thought maybe he was just nervous, so I cut him some slack and just tried to change the subject to something more neutral a few times (movies, favorite bands, etc.), but he kept bringing it back to how I need to do my job.

The kicker? “You need to learn how to host, otherwise you’re never going to get work.”

Really, sir? Take a seat.

Fast forward to a month later, when I got booked at the biggest comedy club in New York City and Matt was still busy telling everyone at open mic nights how much funnier he is than they are. He kept texting me asking why I wouldn’t hang out with him anymore.

Eventually I got annoyed, and I told him: “Because for as much advice as you dish out on comedy, you need twice  as much on dating.”

Has a guy ever been super condescending to you? Has a guy ever criticized you on something you know that you do better than he does? What’s the jerkiest thing a dude’s ever told you on a date?  Tell us in the comments!

You think this guy was bad? Check out what this idiot said about my boobs.

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