Katy Perry and John Mayer had an on again off again relationship. Here they were “on” at the 2013 Grammys, but right now their on and off relationship is “off.” | Source: WENN

On again/off again relationships are exhausting. Just ask Katy Perry and John Mayer, whose on and off relationship switched back to the “off” position this week. This is the second time they’ve split up–that the world knows of, anyway–and rumor has it that Katy actually wants to make it work out again.

But it probably won’t.

If you’re in an on again off again relationship, eventually you and your guy or girl are going to have to decide whether to stay on or switch off for good. Here’s how to decide whether or not to end it once and for all.

Do you fight about the same small stuff all the time?
Decide whether or not it’s even worth arguing over. Do you guys get pissed when he wants to see an action movie over the latest Nicholas Sparks flick? Then just go to the movies with your BFFs and do something else with your dude. If your tastes are that different on everything and you have nothing in common–or if one or both of you are just too immature to compromise occasionally–it’s not meant to be.

Do you fight over really big stuff?
If your fights are serious–think over cheating, violence, drugs or other shady or dangerous behavior–run for the hills and don’t look back. Seriously. You cannot change or save anyone except yourself, and you shouldn’t have to try.

Are you addicted to the drama?
Sometimes when we think we’re into a guy, we’re actually addicted to the uncertainty and the drama of “does he or doesn’t he like me?” And that manifests itself a lot of the time into on again off again relationships–because once we get the guy, we get bored . . . so we drive him away, then try to get him back (or vice versa). If this sounds familiar, he’s not the guy for you! The right dude be happy to snatch you up and put in work at keeping you around–and you’ll enjoy it!

Do you have to resort to game playing?
If you’re in a constantly on and off relationship, chances are at some point you guys weren’t–or aren’t–being honest with one another. If you feel the need to play hard to get or analyze every single thing he says (or vice versa) instead of just being content, confident and happy with your relationship, chances are it’s not going to work. Being up front and honest about your feelings shouldn’t make you feel insecure, it should make you happy.

Are you just scared of being alone?
Sometimes it can seem like being with someone who’s kinda “meh” is better than being single. Then a better offer comes along, so one of you breaks it off . . . and when that doesn’t work, you go back to one another. That’s no good. Like the late, great (pre drugs, anyway) Whitney Houston sang, “I’d rather be alone than unhappy.” You won’t really find anyone better if you’re stuck in a cycle with someone mediocre. Cut the cord!

Think fast: If you were to dump him right now, would feel more depressed or more relieved?
Be honest! On again off again relationships are exhausting, and most of the time they’re not worth the drama. You’ll have a lot more time and energy to devote to things that actually make you consistently happy if you cut out the stuff that just makes you upset. Let it go!

Have you ever been in an on and off relationship? When do you think is time to call an on again off again relationship quits for good? Do you think on and off relationships can work in the long term? Tell us in the comments!

Want your on and off relationship to stay on? Learn to compromise!

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