I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while now and I really want to lose my virginity to him. I feel ready. The problem is… my mom. She thinks I’m a saint and that I’m not going to lose it until I’m, like, 30. I would do it behind her back or something, but she notices everything about me. Some people say when you eventually do lose your virginity, you walk differently and your body changes. I’m scared that she’s going to notice that I did the dirty deed. What should I do?
Good news, girl: I seriously doubt your mom is going to be able to tell when you’ve lost your virginity just by looking at you… unless she has superpowers, that is. In that case, you might be in trouble.
There are a lot of virginity myths out there and what you’re talking about happens to be one of them. Once you have sex for the first time, it’s not going to be obvious to anyone around you. You’re not going to walk differently for days after. You may be hurting a little bit, but that shouldn’t affect the way you’re walking – and if the sex really is that painful for you, that might be an issue to talk to your doctor about. Your body isn’t going to start transforming right in front of your eyes, either. Here’s what happens when you lose your virginity: your hymen breaks. Or sometimes it doesn’t, if it already broke from something else in the past.
The only way your body will change drastically after having sex for the first time is if you get pregnant or get an STD or STI. And those three things can easily be prevented by wearing a condom.
Awesome news, right? Look, if you feel ready to lose your virginity to your boyfriend, then go for it. Honestly, your mom is probably never going to want you to have sex. Why would she want that? You’re her daughter! But when it comes to stuff like this about our bodies, we need to do what we want and not what others want.
Keep in mind that you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about having, and enjoying, sex – even from your mom. Sex is a part of life and it’s something your mom is going to have to eventually accept. Sex is also personal. You don’t have to tell your mom if you don’t want to! For now, focus on figuring out if losing your virginity is something you definitely want – don’t focus on whether or not your mom will be able to tell.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org