Ask A Guy: Is He Busy Or Is He Blowing Me Off?

Dear Ethan,

I’ve been hanging out and hooking up with this guy for about a month. We’re not official yet at all. He’s really great and we have a lot of fun together. But… a lot of the time when I text him or call him or ask him to hang out, he says he’s busy. I get that he has work and school and stuff, but he always seems to have the “I’m busy” excuse. We only hang out once in a while because he’s always doing something. Is he really busy or is he just blowing me off? How do you know the difference? Help!

Attempting to read a new flame’s signals can be frustrating. I remember years ago, after hugging goodbye a not-yet-girlfriend I’d been visiting, I cheerily asked “So I’ll see you soon?” to which she responded, “We’ll see,” before physically pushing me onto a flight back to New York. Unfortunately, I can’t diagnose the interest level of your love interest without more information. But there is a simple test you can use to find out for yourself:

First, I’d quit asking him for immediate plans. While consistent snubs of spur-of-the-moment get-togethers certainly aren’t exactly encouraging, there are also plenty of guys out there who aren’t great with spontaneity and make a ton of plans in advance (like me, for example). You need to eliminate this variable in order to be sure about how he feels.

Next, ask for specific future plans, ideally giving him at least four days advance notice – maybe even a week. If he turns you down because he’s “busy,” but is genuinely interested in you, he’ll most likely offer an alternative date. “Oh, I’d love to,” he might say, “but I’m having dinner with my friend that night. Are you free Thursday, instead?”

If he doesn’t present another option, don’t panic just yet! Instead, spend a week without initiating any contact whatsoever (but feel free to respond to his gestures), and then try once more. If he turns you down a second time without offering to make it up to you, unfortunately, he’s just not feeling it.

Of course, if you want nothing more than a booty call, reach out whenever you please! He may not always come running, but as long as you know what you’re dealing with, you have every right to some casual fun now and then. On the other hand, if you’re looking for a boyfriend, relationship, or just want to know if there’s anything more to him than “sexy abs,” you’ve got to set some rigid boundaries to confirm his commitment!

Good luck!

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of For more on Ethan, visit…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at!


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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • Limit CSXi™

    So many men with dry bits who don’t have “the right” to casual adult fun time like women. Pathetic isn’t it? lol

  • Elhaida

    He studies astrophysics and two weeks ago he said he’s going to be really busy.After a week he texted apologising and then he didn’t text again for 10 days.I understand him and i know that he has a really busy life.And it’s absolutetly insane that he always finds time for me.But i don’t know this time i just feel that mabye im bothering him,i don’t know i don’t want to be a distraction.Im overthinking somehow.Mabye he’s just busy but it’s never been this long without texting. And i don’t unsually care about texting,but we’re in distance and after all this is the only way we can connect to each other.

  • Owl

    My first love married someone else 2? Years ago. He called me twice during his marriage to say hi and wish me a happy birthday. He is the one who broke up with me 25 years ago.

    I am very polite and not flirty and neither is he.

    He is now separated and lives alone but in another state. He texts me once a month just to say hi. Nothing else. No feelings or hidden meanings as I can tell.

    We are both single but living it different states,

    This guy is in his 50’s and looks thirty some. He has tons of women chasing him ALL THE TIME. Why does he contact me still?

    Feel sorry for me?
    Soft spot in his heartd for me?
    Misses me?
    Feeds an ego boost?
    Show me how popular he is?

    Everyone says I am reading too much into it but I have never contacted him or any ex boyfriend for that matter. ,
    He will text me a few times in one day in a month and then not until the other/next month, same thing.
    No plans to meet or flirtatios talk.


    • Elhaida

      He misses you and basically you are the only one who’s not chasing him.And all these years apart he understood your importance.He was in love with you and it seems that he still is.I don’t know for sure but if he’s a kind man,he probably just misses you and it’s not doing anything on bad purpose

  • clair

    there is a guy that i met,first date was with he’s friend we get along so well.i felt like we are bf gf that time then we ride the cab we kissed until i reached my work place then.said good bye for now..but unfotunately i got pregnant with another guy and told him that i’m getting married he said ok congratulations..2 years later we talked again and had a date where something happen he ask me about my relationship with my man i said things arent ok,he said if i will be your last you have to be faithful but without thingking i answered dont say that.. after that day he still sends me messages and want to know what i am doing and one time i answered him.i am tbingking of you he did not reply back and whenever i send him msgs invite to my friends party he always says he is just busy with a distant family burial and school stuff.. i am thingking he just dont want to see me.. what do u think?!

    • Limit CSXi™

      You sound like quite the catch…

  • Stephanie

    So I asked my boyfriend to go the movies with me but me says he can’t make it and the hangs out with his guy friends, and then I asked him to come over but then says he can’t go and hangs out with his friends again! What’s wrong, what’s going to happen?

    • Roy

      He’s just not that into you girl. Stop asking him to meet you, or actually just dont talk to him at ALL for like 3-4 days….if he is even a little interested he’ll notice. Otherwise it’ll be yet another booty call text randomly without the “where have you been?” question. Then you know what to do.
      All the Best 🙂

    • Elhaida

      I think you should talk to him.Don’t beg him for anything if he’s interested he’ll understand and you will to for letting him spend time with his friends.But the way you explained it,it’s just going to make the relationship end.So talk to him!

  • Ashley

    dear ethan
    i would like to ask , u see me and my bf are from different states and we met when we are in collage and we r in different course so its quite hard to meet at times … he went back to his hometown and he promise he will skype me everyday but everyday he is busy with his buddy and all … i dont get why cant he spent 5 minutes to skype ? just 5 minutes is it that hard? ans another thing he has tones of females friends he keeps telling me oh how great best female A is in dancing or how great best female friend B body is , i mean seriously ?! i am working my butt off to get nice body and here he is telling me all this “great” stuff ! i dont get it ! he says he loves me but only hug and kiss me , he says he miss me but only text me … does he really love and miss me or is he saying that just bcoz he is my bf
    pls help me , i dont understand at all thank u