I’ve been hanging out and hooking up with this guy for about a month. We’re not official yet at all. He’s really great and we have a lot of fun together. But… a lot of the time when I text him or call him or ask him to hang out, he says he’s busy. I get that he has work and school and stuff, but he always seems to have the “I’m busy” excuse. We only hang out once in a while because he’s always doing something. Is he really busy or is he just blowing me off? How do you know the difference? Help!
Attempting to read a new flame’s signals can be frustrating. I remember years ago, after hugging goodbye a not-yet-girlfriend I’d been visiting, I cheerily asked “So I’ll see you soon?” to which she responded, “We’ll see,” before physically pushing me onto a flight back to New York. Unfortunately, I can’t diagnose the interest level of your love interest without more information. But there is a simple test you can use to find out for yourself:
First, I’d quit asking him for immediate plans. While consistent snubs of spur-of-the-moment get-togethers certainly aren’t exactly encouraging, there are also plenty of guys out there who aren’t great with spontaneity and make a ton of plans in advance (like me, for example). You need to eliminate this variable in order to be sure about how he feels.
Next, ask for specific future plans, ideally giving him at least four days advance notice – maybe even a week. If he turns you down because he’s “busy,” but is genuinely interested in you, he’ll most likely offer an alternative date. “Oh, I’d love to,” he might say, “but I’m having dinner with my friend that night. Are you free Thursday, instead?”
If he doesn’t present another option, don’t panic just yet! Instead, spend a week without initiating any contact whatsoever (but feel free to respond to his gestures), and then try once more. If he turns you down a second time without offering to make it up to you, unfortunately, he’s just not feeling it.
Of course, if you want nothing more than a booty call, reach out whenever you please! He may not always come running, but as long as you know what you’re dealing with, you have every right to some casual fun now and then. On the other hand, if you’re looking for a boyfriend, relationship, or just want to know if there’s anything more to him than “sexy abs,” you’ve got to set some rigid boundaries to confirm his commitment!
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.