Ask A Guy: Is He Busy Or Is He Blowing Me Off?

Dear Ethan,

I’ve been hanging out and hooking up with this guy for about a month. We’re not official yet at all. He’s really great and we have a lot of fun together. But… a lot of the time when I text him or call him or ask him to hang out, he says he’s busy. I get that he has work and school and stuff, but he always seems to have the “I’m busy” excuse. We only hang out once in a while because he’s always doing something. Is he really busy or is he just blowing me off? How do you know the difference? Help!

Attempting to read a new flame’s signals can be frustrating. I remember years ago, after hugging goodbye a not-yet-girlfriend I’d been visiting, I cheerily asked “So I’ll see you soon?” to which she responded, “We’ll see,” before physically pushing me onto a flight back to New York. Unfortunately, I can’t diagnose the interest level of your love interest without more information. But there is a simple test you can use to find out for yourself:

First, I’d quit asking him for immediate plans. While consistent snubs of spur-of-the-moment get-togethers certainly aren’t exactly encouraging, there are also plenty of guys out there who aren’t great with spontaneity and make a ton of plans in advance (like me, for example). You need to eliminate this variable in order to be sure about how he feels.

Next, ask for specific future plans, ideally giving him at least four days advance notice – maybe even a week. If he turns you down because he’s “busy,” but is genuinely interested in you, he’ll most likely offer an alternative date. “Oh, I’d love to,” he might say, “but I’m having dinner with my friend that night. Are you free Thursday, instead?”

If he doesn’t present another option, don’t panic just yet! Instead, spend a week without initiating any contact whatsoever (but feel free to respond to his gestures), and then try once more. If he turns you down a second time without offering to make it up to you, unfortunately, he’s just not feeling it.

Of course, if you want nothing more than a booty call, reach out whenever you please! He may not always come running, but as long as you know what you’re dealing with, you have every right to some casual fun now and then. On the other hand, if you’re looking for a boyfriend, relationship, or just want to know if there’s anything more to him than “sexy abs,” you’ve got to set some rigid boundaries to confirm his commitment!

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

Why are guys SO afraid of commitment?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter


Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
Tags: , ,

3 Comments

  1. avatarStephanie says:

    So I asked my boyfriend to go the movies with me but me says he can’t make it and the hangs out with his guy friends, and then I asked him to come over but then says he can’t go and hangs out with his friends again! What’s wrong, what’s going to happen?

    • avatarRoy says:

      He’s just not that into you girl. Stop asking him to meet you, or actually just dont talk to him at ALL for like 3-4 days….if he is even a little interested he’ll notice. Otherwise it’ll be yet another booty call text randomly without the “where have you been?” question. Then you know what to do.
      All the Best :)

  2. avatarAshley says:

    dear ethan
    i would like to ask , u see me and my bf are from different states and we met when we are in collage and we r in different course so its quite hard to meet at times … he went back to his hometown and he promise he will skype me everyday but everyday he is busy with his buddy and all … i dont get why cant he spent 5 minutes to skype ? just 5 minutes is it that hard? ans another thing he has tones of females friends he keeps telling me oh how great best female A is in dancing or how great best female friend B body is , i mean seriously ?! i am working my butt off to get nice body and here he is telling me all this “great” stuff ! i dont get it ! he says he loves me but only hug and kiss me , he says he miss me but only text me … does he really love and miss me or is he saying that just bcoz he is my bf
    pls help me , i dont understand at all thank u

Leave Your Comment

Your email address will not be published.

*

*