Ask A Guy: How Do I Know If My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His Ex?

Dear Ethan,

My boyfriend and his ex broke up a little over a month before he met me. We’ve been together for a few months and usually things are great. But sometimes I feel like he might not be over his ex yet. He gets weird when her name gets brought up and I’ve caught him checking out her Facebook. How do I know if he’s still in love with his ex?

The fact that your boyfriend “gets weird” when his ex’s name is brought up isn’t exactly encouraging – but it’s not a certain indication of any funny business, either. Previous relationships can be complicated, so even if he does still harbor certain uncomfortable feelings for her, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s still in love.

A similar argument applies to the Facebook-checking. Hey, even I still check my ex’s profile once in awhile, and I’m not in love with her… I SWEAR, ALRIGHT!?!?!! A casual glance at an ex’s social media accounts usually has more to do with curiosity and nostalgia than anything else. If he’s checking it every day, however, it might be an indication that your boyfriend hasn’t yet let go of her. Any more than that indicates that you might as well get a restraining order now, because he’s coming for you next.

Since I don’t know you or your boyfriend personally, try testing yourself with the following questionnaire of potential additional signs:

-Has he ever openly compared you to her in discussion?
-Do they still talk on the phone on a regular basis?
-Does he often have trouble going places or doing things that remind him of her?
-Has more than one close friend reported mutually flirtatious behavior when you’re not around?
-Does he have trouble hearing news of her dating other people?
-Do they still hang out on a regular basis? (give yourself 2 checks for this one)
-Has he slipped up and murmured her name in place of yours more than once? (give yourself 2 checks if this happened in the bedroom)

If you can answer yes to three or more of these questions, you might have a problem. Even if he swears they’re just friends – and they very well may be in his mind – he might not be the one in love! In which case, you might have a very different – but equally unhealthy – situation to address.

Finally, remember that the strength of all relationships ultimately depends upon trust. Treating your boyfriend as “innocent until proven guilty”, you need to be able to take what he says at face value. Give it some time, and hopefully, with a bit more experience together, you’ll soon find it easier to trust one another without exception.

Good luck!

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of For more on Ethan, visit…or call his mom, Robin.

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  • Alana

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3months now (we’ve been knowing each other for 2 years) he just broke up with a girl 3 months before we got together. That relationship is over and dead but the problem is his child’s mother. I feel he’s not over her . They have to communicate on the phone for their child but things get a little too personal she tells him how she doesn’t wanna be with her boyfriend all out of nowhere she’s tired of him etc….. I just don’t trust it I feel like she’s trying to get back with him!!!!!

  • lerato mofokeng

    hey my boyfriend nd I strtd datng a month after he broke up wf his ex nd the prob is tht he stil chrts wf his ex on watsapp evn on facebook,, they evn callex each other nd now I fel lyk he loves her mre than me coz he can tke a week without checkng tht am fne or not bt wil definitely check out his ex nd evn her profile nd he stil has a picmix of him nd her,, wat shld I d??

  • Ica

    Hi, my boyfriend and I started as “friends with benefits”. He was still in a relationship back then but things between him and his gf were on the rocks. They eventually broke up because they were unable to patch things up. We were just enjoying each others company until I fell inlove with him. We continue hanging out for about 4 months with no label and he didnt really bring up anything about us being ina relationship. We found out that im pregnant. Still were not in a relationship. We only talked about what’s gonna happen when the baby come out etc.,. Eventually, he found out that her ex already has a bf. I know he was devastated. He told me that he was disappointed because her ex didnt even try working it out with him. To make it short, he was still expecting that they will still be together after everything that happened. It was such a heartbreak for me. I waited for a few months to find out what am I to him. I was willing to give up whatever we have if he still hadn’t decided yet what’s gonna happen to us. When i asked him, he said “do i really have to tell you that we are officially in a relationship?” I know I should have felt heavenly happy. But, I wasnt. It felt as if he only wanted it because his ex have moved on and he’ll end up alone without me. I cried all the time. He still have his ex’s pictures on his laptop and i already asked him to delete them but he never did. Whenever I asked him if he loves me he couldn’t tell it to me straight. He will just say that me and my baby is important. Yeah, he sometimes say he loves me. Sometimes he shows how much he cares and it makes me confused. I dont know what he really feels, do you think he is still inlove with his ex? We are together for a year now and I recently gave birth to a baby boy. Please enlighten me. Thanks in advance.

  • samanthawarford

    my name is samantha

  • Cassie

    My name is Cassie and I need help! My
    Boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six months now. When we first started dating, he tended to bring up his ex girl friend in random conversations. When I would ask why he would talk about her alot, he would respond “well she was a big part of my life.” Then one day I went through his phone and he was texting her saying she looked good in a dress and that she needed to come visit. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that it was wrong but that he had no feelings for her. He deleted her from Instagram and twitter which made me feel better. To my
    Knowledge they haven’t talked since then, but for some reason I feel like he loved her more than me. They broke up over a year ago. I know he loves me, he tells me all the time and always brings up things about us getting married. But because I creep, I read things that he would say to her while they were dating. He seemed to be head over hills for her, but doesn’t always act like that to me. She also liked sports and playing video games, which is stuff i dont like. need help!!!! He says he loves me nd wants to Marry me and he doesn’t talk to her or about her anymore but I can’t stop comparing myself to her. Am I just being dumb or do I have reason to be worried!?

    • Strongerthaniwas17

      I can totally relate to your story more than any of them @cassie, I have been with this guy for a year and a month now and I really love him.. But I used to never be insecure until a couple months into our relationship I seen on his phone that he was texting his ex gf that claims to still be in love with him they had been broken up for 3 years when we first started dating and i asked him about her a couple of times and he would always say he “used to love her and he knows she really loved him” but he is in love with me now and he doesn’t have feelings for anymore i respected his feelings for her and thought I had nothing to worry about until I found out they were texting and he was telling her how he really wanted to see her soon and he seemed really determined in the texts to hangout with her it seemed like he missed her. I confronted him about it and i told him to just be honest with me, do you still have feelings for her? And he kept telling me no and he admitted it was wrong of him to text her and try to keep it from me I forgave him until a few months later he broke up with me and I was miserable he went and hung out with her and they were texting we were broken up for about a week at the most then he started texting me again telling me he loved me and he was so sorry about everything and i took him back because I love him and I accepted his apology but then after a while and are relationship was going really good he started texting his ex AGAIN well she text him first but he didn’t have a problem with replying to her they haven’t talked anymore since that I know of.. Sometimes ill question if he still loves her and wishes he could be with her instead of sum times I feel like rebound even thought they have been broken up for a long time. Hope these feelings go away though!