My boyfriend and his ex broke up a little over a month before he met me. We’ve been together for a few months and usually things are great. But sometimes I feel like he might not be over his ex yet. He gets weird when her name gets brought up and I’ve caught him checking out her Facebook. How do I know if he’s still in love with his ex?
The fact that your boyfriend “gets weird” when his ex’s name is brought up isn’t exactly encouraging – but it’s not a certain indication of any funny business, either. Previous relationships can be complicated, so even if he does still harbor certain uncomfortable feelings for her, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s still in love.
A similar argument applies to the Facebook-checking. Hey, even I still check my ex’s profile once in awhile, and I’m not in love with her… I SWEAR, ALRIGHT!?!?!! A casual glance at an ex’s social media accounts usually has more to do with curiosity and nostalgia than anything else. If he’s checking it every day, however, it might be an indication that your boyfriend hasn’t yet let go of her. Any more than that indicates that you might as well get a restraining order now, because he’s coming for you next.
Since I don’t know you or your boyfriend personally, try testing yourself with the following questionnaire of potential additional signs:
-Has he ever openly compared you to her in discussion?
-Do they still talk on the phone on a regular basis?
-Does he often have trouble going places or doing things that remind him of her?
-Has more than one close friend reported mutually flirtatious behavior when you’re not around?
-Does he have trouble hearing news of her dating other people?
-Do they still hang out on a regular basis? (give yourself 2 checks for this one)
-Has he slipped up and murmured her name in place of yours more than once? (give yourself 2 checks if this happened in the bedroom)
If you can answer yes to three or more of these questions, you might have a problem. Even if he swears they’re just friends – and they very well may be in his mind – he might not be the one in love! In which case, you might have a very different – but equally unhealthy – situation to address.
Finally, remember that the strength of all relationships ultimately depends upon trust. Treating your boyfriend as “innocent until proven guilty”, you need to be able to take what he says at face value. Give it some time, and hopefully, with a bit more experience together, you’ll soon find it easier to trust one another without exception.
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.