This is real life.

After writing this post about baby rappers, I decided that baby rappers were kind of one of my new favorite things ever. The only problem? There really aren’t that many baby rappers around right now (such a tragedy), so I’ve pretty much just been listening to the ultimate baby rapper, Jordy, on repeat. Nope, still not tired of it. But all of that is about to change, because guys, there is a new baby rapper on the scene. His name is Lil Poopy and… I’m oddly obsessed with this weirdness.

This is more about my appreciation for the name Lil Poopy (I like saying it and yeah, I know it’s not mature, whatever let me live) than it is about the actual person who is Lil Poopy. How can you not want to know more about a nine-year-old kid who sings rap songs that he shouldn’t even know the lyrics to? I mean, this whole thing is so ridiculous I can’t help but be obsessed with it. Does that make sense?

Here’s what I’m talking about: Lil Poopy is a nine-year-old rapper who recently signed with legit adult rapper French Montana. He’s not like your average sort of innocent and cute baby rapper, though – I feel like Lil Poopy really believes that he’s scary and intimidating.

Let’s just go over some things that make Poops (new nickname) stand out: his Twitter name is Poopythedon because he’s a boss, obvs. His background picture is of him, shirtless, which I just feel creepy even talking about because, um, he’s NINE. In the video for his remix of “Pop That,” Lil Poopy sits in the driver’s seat of a very expensive car that he won’t be able to drive for at least seven more years. He sings about how “coke ain’t a bad word, coke ain’t a bad word, it’s only soda.” Oh, okay. Once, he tweeted this:

Oh, also he slaps the butt of an adult woman who should be pretty ashamed of herself right now at the end of his video. It’s like, it’s sort of cute when a baby touches your butt because he doesn’t yet realize that he can’t do that, but it’s a whole other level of weird when a nine-year-old slaps the see-through butt of some dancing girl in his music video.

On a more serious note, Child Protective Services are investigating Lil Poopy’s dad because of all the things I just wrote, in case that wasn’t obvious. His lawyer is all like “well, he has talent” and everyone else is all like, “yeah, but you can’t let nine-year-old’s do this stuff for money because morals.”

Lil Poopy… relax yourself. The world isn’t ready for you yet and I hope we never will be. Go eat some of that filet mignon and lobster that you like so much and wait until you’re legal to be a serious rapper, kay?

What do you think about Lil Poopy? Does he have a right to do this kind of stuff or should CPS step in? Tell me in the comments.

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