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Hi Heather,
So I have a complicated question. I am 18-years-old. I know I’m not supposed to find my soul mate just yet. I know that this is the time in my life where I can just be laid back and have fun, date guys and enjoy my life. But I’m having an issue. Most girls want their guys to be there all the time, but I hate that. I hate clingy-ness! I like to be with my friends and a boyfriend seems to always make that awkward.
Here’s what happens all the time: I meet a guy I like, we start dating, then after a few weeks I get sick of it and him and we break up. It’s annoying, you know? All of my friends joke around and call me heartless. I know it’s just a harmless joke, but I’m starting to believe it. I can’t seem to keep a boyfrined longer than a few weeks. Is there something wrong with me?
First things first: there is definitely nothing wrong with you. You said it yourself – you’re 18-years-old. This is a great time for you to be single and focus on yourself. While there’s nothing wrong with being in a long-term relationship, there’s also nothing wrong with not being in one. Just because other people are doing it doesn’t mean you have to also!
Honestly, it sounds like you just haven’t met the right guy yet and that’s fine. There’s no rush! As corny as it sounds, it will happen when it happens. You should never push yourself to date someone or to be in a relationship just to have you’ve been in one or just to feel “normal.” Being in a relationship isn’t always easy and it’s especially not going to be easy if you’re not that into the person. There’s no need to make things harder for yourself.
If you feel like you’re maybe treating the guys you date a little unfairly (and I’m not saying you are), then just start taking things a little slower. Spend time getting to know the guy by talking to him and hanging out casually before you start dating or doing anything more serious. And always be upfront with a dude. If you don’t want to start officially dating, let him know that.
As for your friends, I can totally understand feeling hurt by their jokes. I don’t think they’re trying to intentionally hurt you – they probably think it’s all fun and games. If it’s really bugging you, maybe you should consider saying something to them about it nicely. If they know it’s bothering you, they’ll probably stop.
I just really don’t want you to think that there’s anything wrong with you for not being in a long-term relationship yet. Everyone goes through things at different stages of their life and maybe you’re just not ready for that type of commitment yet – and that’s totally fine. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it and never push yourself to do something you don’t want to do.
take care,
Heather
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This is sooo me!!! I constantly get called heartless or cold hearted n guys say I don’t show affection, I just get tired of them n really bored easily, it seems like I’m the only person that’s not “boo’d up” being single is fun and all but alot of times I feel left out and when I do find someone ill be inexperienced ughhh
How is not having a long term relationship weird I’m 18 and have never had a one.
That’s what Heather is saying, there’s nothing weird about it. I didn’t have ANY kind of relationship until I was almost 20, and that only lasted 5 weeks, and I haven’t dated anyone since, serious or casually, and I’m 22 now. I’m not stressing about it, because I know I’m still young and have plenty of time to find the right person.