Hey, Everyone With Super Strict Parents: It Gets Better (Usually)

If you have the kind of parents who set a lot of rules and are basically just super strict about everything from grades to boys to friends, trust me when I say that I feel your pain. I love my parents to death and owe them everything, but when I was in high school, they made my life incredibly frustrating by being ridiculously strict.

My freshman year of high school was when my parents started getting super strict. At first, it was all about demanding good grades from me (which, fine, I can understand). A’s were the best, B’s were sometimes acceptable, C’s and D’s – never. F’s? Forget about it. This was manageable. I could deal with being forced to do well in school. Fine, whatever. But at some point, my parents decided that they didn’t approve of my friends. Actually, they hated them. This made things difficult, to say the least.

For one thing, I was never allowed to go to anyone’s house unless my mom called to talk to their parents first. As I’m sure you can imagine, this was humiliating. My mom would call my friend’s parents to check up on me to see if I was really going there or to see what we were doing.

The worst moment of this checking up on me nonsense? One night, I was going to hang out with a friend we’ll call L and a bunch of other girls. My mom particularly disliked L and insisted on speaking to her parents before I went there. Trying to avoid the situation, I lied and said I didn’t have her number – so instead, she dropped me off and wouldn’t let me out of the car until she spoke to them. That was when L had to awkwardly explain to my mom that her parents couldn’t talk because they were taking a bath… together. I was never allowed to go over there again. Seriously.

Major sad face | Source: ShutterStock

Major sad face | Source: ShutterStock

I could go on and on about all of the times that my parents embarrassed me in front of my friends by being super strict and overprotective, but I won’t, because the memories are painful. Moving on to their attempt at ruining my first real relationship.

When I was 15-years-old, I started dating a guy we’ll call D. D and I got very serious very quickly and my parents didn’t like it. They didn’t approve of D, who was your typical insufferable emo teenager (my mom wanted me to date the blonde, tall, good-looking captain of the football team. No, this is not a movie – just my sad life).

D and I were obsessed with each other, but my parents weren’t having it. They quickly made a rule that I wasn’t allowed to see D during the week, only on the weekends… and even then, they’d find an excuse. Since we couldn’t hang out together Monday-Thursday, D and I would talk on the phone for all hours of the night. We literally used to fall asleep on the phone together. This was, for some reason, my parent’s worst nightmare. Even though it didn’t affect them in the slightest bit, they decided it had to stop.

So, what did they do? Oh, what any rational parent would do – collect all of the house phones (this was before all teens had cell phones) and hide them in their room, obviously. Guys, they would literally disconnect our phone connection every single night and hold all of the phones hostage so I couldn’t use them.

Many more things like this happened. There were points of my high school life where I literally wasn’t allowed to do anything. My parents and I fought on a regular basis, which I don’t even think needs to be said.

We get along much better now | Source: ShutterStock

We get along much better now | Source: ShutterStock

So, is there a happy ending to this story? Thankfully, yes. At some point during my senior year, my parents realized how completely insane they were being, took a chill pill and relaxed. They got to know my boyfriend and actually started to really like him. They started to accept my friends and realized they probably shouldn’t keep me away from them. My 11 PM curfew disappeared, replaced with… no curfew. I know, it was a dramatic turn.

The worst part about all of this? Okay, there are two worst parts. One: I was never even a bad kid. For real. When considering the other things most high school kids do and go through, my parents should have been on their knees thanking me for being the daughter I was. I got good grades, I never once got detention in my entire life, I had a part-time job all through high school, I never did drugs, I very rarely drank, I was in all sorts of after school activities… I mean, I was even voted Most Shy in high school, for crying out loud!

Sure, I did a few bad things because everyone makes mistakes, but for the most part, I was a great kid. It actually hurt my feelings that my parents were so suspicious of my very move, enough to feel the need to restrict me from doing anything. I worked my butt off to impress them and to do the right thing and it was never acknowledged. It was the worst. I get that they love me and just wanted what was best for me, and I appreciate their intentions… I just wish they had gone about it a different way.

The second worst thing? I have a younger brother and sister and guess what? They have literally always been allowed to do everything they want – and both of them are harder to handle than I was.

If you have parents similar to mine, the only thing I can say to you is this: it gets better. Usually. I mean, maybe not for everyone. But for most people, it does. My advice? Try your hardest not to rebel. Try to reason with them in the most rational way that you can. In the worst case scenario (like mine), you just have to wait it out. Hopefully, your parents will eventually realize that they can trust you… and then they’ll apologize. Hey, it happened to me!

Are your parents strict? Have they ever embarrassed you in front of your friends or boyfriend? What rules do they give you? Tell me in the comments!

 

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Posted in: Confessions
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  • jaltais

    That literally sounds like my situation right now. I’m fifteen and the guy I like (and he wants to be serious) is 17 and if I wait and make him wait I feel like I’d run out time because he’s going to college. We both want to make it official but my parents are too strict, I barely even see the guy. And it’s not like someone my parents won’t approve. He even goes to church, I actually met him at church! I’m literally like what you aid about yourself. I tell my mom all the time, I’m not like most teens these days and I’m a pretty well-behaved daughter. I don’t know what to do actually but if waiting is what I need to do, I’ll just have to wait ://

  • Melenia

    My parents are the worst. I love them, but seriously. They have a parental lock on my phone, i’m not allowed any social media (including things like skype and whatsapp), and parental lock on my computer. They also really hate my friends, so i’m not even allowed to talk to them, even though they are straight A students with no detentions. I’ve never been to a friends house or had a sleepover, I’ve never gone outside on my own (and then they complain I never go out). I’m not allowed to chat online, virtual games are a big no. I have to get good grades, learn a language, which I’m actually fine with. I’m not even allowed to say the words “cute boy” together or even talk to/about boys. They find fault in everything I do and are always suspicious. I’m 13 and they already expect me to cook, clean, and have some job. Guess it’s good I like books (of course, the ones with no swearing, because even words like damn are worthy of punishment). My brother’s 15 and he also has this, it’s just he gets to go out with his friends/ alone, and play video games.

  • Bingo!

    Here’s the hard part… I’m 21 years old, am old enough to make my own decisions, work and school are my priorities. Both parents are law enforcement so I understand the structured strictness, but they take it to the extreme! If im going to hang out with a friend of mine, they need to know who I’m with, their phone numbers, where we are at, with the address, why I’m heading over there, and for how long I’ll be there. God forbid I go over the time frame I told them, even when I just end up staying 25 mins later talkin and laughing with my friends. Extremely irritating and I don’t think it will get better. I haven’t been rebelling but it’s driving me insane!! What do I do?

  • Sarah

    Hi I have a similar situation I am 19 and I finished college and got a job but my parent parents won’t let me go anywhere besides work and Home I can’t go totheee library alone that is like 10 min away can’t go learn kickboxing , workout or even meet friends I get asked who I work with if their a guy and how old they are I have never done anything wrong in my life but it’s getting to much and as much as I talk to them it never works people tell move out I don’t have the courage to do it because i love them but it’s to much I feel stressed everyday and when evwr my co-workers ask me out to lunch I always make up an excuse because I know my dad would say no

  • Elizabeth

    My parents aren’t too strict on most issues, but the one thing I cannot STAND is that they freak out about *anything* (I mean ANYTHING) sexual. They are huge prudes, especially my Mom. I’m 15, and they still tell me not to look when there’s a make out scene (even the mild ones where nothing actually happens except some kissing). Also, my Dad recently started watching this show with my Mom, and he told me I can’t watch it because there’s a few sexual references (not actual sex, just some “off-color comments”, as he put it).
    It really makes me mad and feel disrespected. Literally all of my friends have gradually been allowed to watch more graphic things as they get older (not that I don’t watch those things, I’m just not technically allowed ;)), and yet my parents still act like I’m an 8 year old who doesn’t know what sex is.

  • Kimberly?

    Both my parents are strict. Im 14 and im about to be a freshman, my parents wont let me do literally anything. I cant go to the movies with my friends or the mall or ANYWHERE. I mean i have friends and i always have to worry about when they ask me to hang out finding a good excuse to tell cause my parents wont let me. My parents are kinda the type who listen to rock music and are rock heads and expect me to be the same way, i mean enjoy listening to some but i also enjoy listening to other music like drake. But this also effects how i dress. In 6th grade i was obsessed with hot topic and band merch and stuff like that but as time has gone by im not into that anymore as i used to, every single time we go school shopping they wont let me get stuff that interests me. My school isnt into the whole “emo” thing. If i want to normal i have to dress normal. Iv been made fun of ny whole life cause my parents only buy me pants that dont fit me and black clothes from hot topic. i wanna wear nike and pink and stuff. I dont wanna have to worry about not having friends because of mybparents. I wake up every morning at 8am. And clean the whole house ahile everyone sleeps. But they always pick out every single thing i do wrong and tell me i never do anything right. they never did that to my brother, in fact, they let him do pretty much whatever he wanted. Its just not fair. I dont wanna sound like im not appreciated of my parents because i am. I just wanna not be controled on who i talk to and what i want to wear. I mean its not like i wanna wear tube tops and booty shorts. Just a 20 dollar freaking windbreaker nike jacket and stuff like that. Somebody tell me it gets easier.

  • STR$CTLXFE

    In my opinion, I think I have the most strictest Parents you’ll ever know. Yes, I’m Muslim and culturally they are strict and over-protective. I cover myself as of my own choice, I only have Whats app, snap chat, etc to socialise with family and friends, however, the worst part is, I barely hangout with my friend outside of school. I never get the chance to go outside of my house without my mum, even if it was across the road because they love me and care about me , I get that but I am almost 14 years old and I should be getting the chance to socialise with my own group of friends. I’m a Muslim girl and British, my parents aren’t extreme, they are normal, they are good people. Just wish they would allow me to hangout with my friends, I really don’t know how to build up the courage to ask my father if I can.. Never have asked him. I am starting to loose friends because of this whole situation, it’s really not my fault. I am super nice to them, give them gifts, spend time with them at school whereas my grades are good, I respect my parents, I don’t date (obviously). My mother doesn’t mind as long as I have my dad’s permission, then it’s all fine. I’m really depressed and no one knows what I am going through, I try to explain to my friends but they make a mockery, someone please tell me how i should convince my dad.

    -thanks

  • ActualTrash

    Welp my life is basically this, but I have no siblings or cousins that live near me, my parents always expect me to be perfect (like grades and behavior), they always complain that i never join any clubs but they never let me out so that won’t work, I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend, my parents have no time for me because they are always working, we never get to go out on a holiday, and I have no interest in any sort of hobby, I get very bored quickly, they hit me a lot for tiny matters, I don’t like the things that they like and they can’t accept that, my parents also criticize me at any chance given and always make me feel bad about my self and finally they are choosing my life for me and make all of my decisions themselves. (I basically just ranted about having daddy issues i guess)

  • Sav

    My mom threatens to kick me out when I don’t come home before my step dad does.. Which is like 10 pm. I’m 17, almost 18 and I feel like I should be able to make my own decisions by now. She’s knows about me having sex about it, I openely talked about it with her. But then I get scared to be honest with her because she calls me a whore and stuff when we get into arguments. Today I’ve made the decision to sleep over my boyfriends house for the first time.. I haven’t told my mom. And I’m not going to until the very last minute. It’ll be a 3 hour drive there and back.. And he can’t just bring me home after the concert.. Because it ends late and he won’t be able to drive himself home. I’m sick of being told what to do. If I went away for college Id be making these decisions on my own… So why does she act this way now.

  • Yailyn

    I feel just like you guys, and my story actually resembles a lot to every single one of you. I’m still young and i understand that but in my mom eyes I will always be her daughter and when she waves her “wand of commands” I have to obey. Lets begin with my “friend” situation; I actually do not have friends, literally not even one, I’m not allowed to go out anywhere with just friends. i have never been to the movies with friends, never been to mall with just them or anything. I wish my mom would call the parents of my “friends” then it might give me an actual chance for me to go out with them. However things started to take an even worse turn once i got a boyfriend, a super sweet guy that doesn’t want anything more than for me to be happy and have my mom pleased and happy as well. My boyfriend didn’t have a car when she met him and we had eyes around us the whole entire time but now he finally got one and wishes nothing more than to spend time with me and just me, however my mom believes it is my obligation to take care of my baby brothers and carry them with me where ever I go. I absolutely adore my brothers and i don’t mind but i want want to spend some time with just him. My moms rebutle would sound a little something like this “What in the world are you talking about, I always let you go out everywhere, (which is true but its always with my family) you have gone out to more vacations than me when i was your age (again always with the family), he comes over everyday isn’t that enough”. He does come over everyday but we have to be around my grandma or have my little brothers jumping all over us. Now you guys may be wondering what in the world did i do to deserve this, well if getting kick ass grades is a crime put the cuffs asap, and if do nothing more than just listening to my mom and i have done nothing more than try to help her out as much as possible. I have not done anything to betray her trust nor have i ever smoked or done drugs, drank, never gone out on my own like running away, never disobeyed, never done anything that would seem so bad as to keep me locked up. i know i have to wait it out but my mom even says that when I’m eighteen I’m still under her roof, her rules and she stated she would “clip my wings” if need be. I’ve always felt like my wings were clipped but i guess not. If this is me without clipped wings i would hate to be in my shoes when she does finally cut them.

  • galloway

    this is super late but I’ll leave my story anyway.
    basically I’ve got it much worse than this. my whole life has been this way, like a prisoner in my own body. I’m 17 (18 in a couple months) and I’m treated like a 10 year old.
    I’ve never been able to see my friends (no sleepovers or hanging out or even birthday parties) because they think seeing them at school is enough so naturally I just keep to myself instead of getting “bestfriends” and coming up with excuses to why I can’t hang out outside of school.
    then there’s the boyfriend. my mother has always said that I can’t date until I graduate college. I’ve done it anyway but they don’t really care much because they won’t let me see him either way. this year they made us move towns so now I don’t even see him at school and they won’t let us have any contact with each other besides when we text. they think I’m being stupid and that I don’t have any actual feelings and they can just decide that I can’t feel anything for him. so he comes over and we sneak out for a couple hours every now and then (because what else am I going to do to see him or anyone?).
    and like I said, I’m almost 18. you know, the age you start getting ready for the adult life. already been working and driving and preparing for it all as much as you can? nope, not me. I’m not allowed to have a job because that would require me leaving the house for something other than school (which I have all As in and a 4.0, I’m a great student) and I’m never allowed to do that. can’t drive either. they refuse to teach me or let anyone else show me how. and the only curfew I have is 7pm, when I have to give them my phone and they lock it up in a draw in their bedroom. (no real curfew considering I can’t even go to the backyard lol).

    I plan to move out as soon as I turn 18 but I’m just scared. they’ve never let me do anything or go anywhere so I’m not ready for it but I know I never will be unless I just go for it. my life’s already a mess and it hasn’t even started yet.

  • Alisha

    I couldve gone out tonight with a guy I’m crushing on. But my mum said no because I need to focus on my driving lessons. My driving lessons are in the afternoon so they don’t affect my evenings at all. So I ended up being completely bored at home and my crush was fed up of us never seeing each other so he stopped talking to me altogether. Even though we weren’t even dating, it’s like I’m going through a break up.

  • Lauren

    My parents found out I was depressed and cutting and now they demand to know why, but I don’t know why. I just get depressed for no reason and when something really bad happens I cut because it just makes me feel better. They took my phone away and won’t give it back until I tell them but I have absolutely no explanation at all. They’re making me go to a therapist soon and if I refuse to talk then they’ll take me out of dance, and dance is my life. I don’t know what to do at all and I need help. P.S. I’m only eleven so that just makes it so much harder. Please help.

  • Ramatou A. (ThatGirlDoe)

    My parents have been strict ever since 8th grade , at first i really thought that they did it out of love but now i just consider it as pure cruelty. I am never allowed to go out even to go work at a friend’s house or for a school project , i cant even mention parties cause they will freak out on me or even go to the mall. I don’t get any money , not to eat and neither for clothing . Wors thing is that i’m a really good kid i have excellent grades , i dont drink or smoke and have never gotten in trouble at school. They also literally don’t give a shit about me and sometimes i just feel so useless and ignored that dark thoughts have crossed my mind many times. I am a senior right now and the only thing i’m looking forward to is surviving the year and getting the hell out of my house.

  • Enya Seaton

    I’m 21 years old living at home. My parents still won’t allow me to bring a boy up to my room who I’ve been with for 6 months. Both my brothers have had countless girls round even one night stands and nothing is ever done about that. I fear the only time I will ever get the freedom I want is when I move out which is upsetting really.

  • Julie/JC

    I’m still stuck in the early stages :(. I get really good grades, (like really good, I still can’t believe I’m in the top 4% of NZ) I have never once gotten in trouble, I love reading and doing homework, but my parents seem to just hate me. They hate that I read, wont let me apply to any good High Schools and are just in general trapping me.

    I find it so hard not to rebel, and just let my grades drop and put no effort into anything I do anymore.

  • jlor1999

    This isnt even that bad :L

    I cant go anywhere.. I have to stay home after and before school

  • Tiffany laMott

    My dad is strict and both my stepmom and dad are overprotective i can’t go on dates with my boyfriend if I don’t have money I can’t hangout with my friends at night I have to be home by sundown my dad hates my bf even though he’s really amazing and my dads never met him because he refuses so idk what to do it puts stress on me because as understanding and amazingly sweet as my bf is no one should have to handle what he does with my folks and I’m not a bad child at all I cook clean work and go to school I help with bills I do a lot my step siblings don’t and yet they can go out with there girlfriends and spend the night at a friends house with no money or stipulations but me I can’t even go on a date and I don’t understanding why plus I’m 17 I have less then 5 months till I’m grown I don’t get it

  • Manni

    I am 20 years old and will be a junior in college this next year. During the summers I still live at my parents House which is extremely close to the home of my amazing boyfriend of over 4 years. My parents adore him, and when I say adore I mean they legit love him like a son. He is 2 years older than me, graduated, with a full time job working 60 hours a week. He is just wonderful. They just recently have gotten less strict in the past year and a half. However, for some reason THEY STILL WONT LET HIM IN MY ROOM. I have a open relationship with my parents and have always told them everything. They know my boyfriend and I are actually waiting to have sex until marriage based on our own personal convictions and nothing else. Therefore, they shouldn’t be concerned that he and I want to watch a movie in my room with the door open. Every time I want time alone with him, we have to go to his house making it extremely difficult to spend any time at my own home. I am frustrated and confused. Please help!

  • rosie

    Im 18 and turn 19 in 5 months and have finished my first year of university. Dont get me wrong I love my parents (stepmom and biological dad) but they are bith soo strict! I was and am not allowed to ho to any school dances, absolutly no social media, any money I make goes into their account, i cant text often or even use my phone… I have to leave it upstairs in their office and cant use it unless it is nessacery to them…and no going out with friends, they also have to know my passwords to everything, and go through my emails. They are christians and so am I… and they say that I shouldn’t be like everyone else. Again I love them…but so controlling and strict…they wont leave my side, or even let me take the bus alone! Like im almost 19 and I have had enough! They even ask who I have lunch with and who I talk to.