Hey, Everyone With Super Strict Parents: It Gets Better (Usually)

If you have the kind of parents who set a lot of rules and are basically just super strict about everything from grades to boys to friends, trust me when I say that I feel your pain. I love my parents to death and owe them everything, but when I was in high school, they made my life incredibly frustrating by being ridiculously strict.

My freshman year of high school was when my parents started getting super strict. At first, it was all about demanding good grades from me (which, fine, I can understand). A’s were the best, B’s were sometimes acceptable, C’s and D’s – never. F’s? Forget about it. This was manageable. I could deal with being forced to do well in school. Fine, whatever. But at some point, my parents decided that they didn’t approve of my friends. Actually, they hated them. This made things difficult, to say the least.

For one thing, I was never allowed to go to anyone’s house unless my mom called to talk to their parents first. As I’m sure you can imagine, this was humiliating. My mom would call my friend’s parents to check up on me to see if I was really going there or to see what we were doing.

The worst moment of this checking up on me nonsense? One night, I was going to hang out with a friend we’ll call L and a bunch of other girls. My mom particularly disliked L and insisted on speaking to her parents before I went there. Trying to avoid the situation, I lied and said I didn’t have her number – so instead, she dropped me off and wouldn’t let me out of the car until she spoke to them. That was when L had to awkwardly explain to my mom that her parents couldn’t talk because they were taking a bath… together. I was never allowed to go over there again. Seriously.

Major sad face | Source: ShutterStock

Major sad face | Source: ShutterStock

I could go on and on about all of the times that my parents embarrassed me in front of my friends by being super strict and overprotective, but I won’t, because the memories are painful. Moving on to their attempt at ruining my first real relationship.

When I was 15-years-old, I started dating a guy we’ll call D. D and I got very serious very quickly and my parents didn’t like it. They didn’t approve of D, who was your typical insufferable emo teenager (my mom wanted me to date the blonde, tall, good-looking captain of the football team. No, this is not a movie – just my sad life).

D and I were obsessed with each other, but my parents weren’t having it. They quickly made a rule that I wasn’t allowed to see D during the week, only on the weekends… and even then, they’d find an excuse. Since we couldn’t hang out together Monday-Thursday, D and I would talk on the phone for all hours of the night. We literally used to fall asleep on the phone together. This was, for some reason, my parent’s worst nightmare. Even though it didn’t affect them in the slightest bit, they decided it had to stop.

So, what did they do? Oh, what any rational parent would do – collect all of the house phones (this was before all teens had cell phones) and hide them in their room, obviously. Guys, they would literally disconnect our phone connection every single night and hold all of the phones hostage so I couldn’t use them.

Many more things like this happened. There were points of my high school life where I literally wasn’t allowed to do anything. My parents and I fought on a regular basis, which I don’t even think needs to be said.

We get along much better now | Source: ShutterStock

We get along much better now | Source: ShutterStock

So, is there a happy ending to this story? Thankfully, yes. At some point during my senior year, my parents realized how completely insane they were being, took a chill pill and relaxed. They got to know my boyfriend and actually started to really like him. They started to accept my friends and realized they probably shouldn’t keep me away from them. My 11 PM curfew disappeared, replaced with… no curfew. I know, it was a dramatic turn.

The worst part about all of this? Okay, there are two worst parts. One: I was never even a bad kid. For real. When considering the other things most high school kids do and go through, my parents should have been on their knees thanking me for being the daughter I was. I got good grades, I never once got detention in my entire life, I had a part-time job all through high school, I never did drugs, I very rarely drank, I was in all sorts of after school activities… I mean, I was even voted Most Shy in high school, for crying out loud!

Sure, I did a few bad things because everyone makes mistakes, but for the most part, I was a great kid. It actually hurt my feelings that my parents were so suspicious of my very move, enough to feel the need to restrict me from doing anything. I worked my butt off to impress them and to do the right thing and it was never acknowledged. It was the worst. I get that they love me and just wanted what was best for me, and I appreciate their intentions… I just wish they had gone about it a different way.

The second worst thing? I have a younger brother and sister and guess what? They have literally always been allowed to do everything they want – and both of them are harder to handle than I was.

If you have parents similar to mine, the only thing I can say to you is this: it gets better. Usually. I mean, maybe not for everyone. But for most people, it does. My advice? Try your hardest not to rebel. Try to reason with them in the most rational way that you can. In the worst case scenario (like mine), you just have to wait it out. Hopefully, your parents will eventually realize that they can trust you… and then they’ll apologize. Hey, it happened to me!

Are your parents strict? Have they ever embarrassed you in front of your friends or boyfriend? What rules do they give you? Tell me in the comments!

 

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Posted in: Confessions
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73 Comments

  1. avatarAlana says:

    I’m in the eleventh grade now, and my parents never let me go out past 9. I once went to this party and my mom got mad that there where boys there and she thought people where drinking, I’m sure there where a few but I was not with them. It was one party and now every single time I ask them they say no you can’t go anywhere past 9:00. Also they don’t even let me go to any sort of party where they don’t know my friend. Realistically my parents only know my two best friends and I’m not even allowed to sleep over at there house… It’s just really upsetting how I’m actually good friends with this girl and I’m not allowed to go to a party at her house. I don’t know what to do to get my mom to let me go. I have been responsible for such a long time I never go Out the last party I went to was about 2 months ago and I was never allowed to go agian because my mom thought I was hanging out with “a bad crowd” :(

  2. avatarSidney says:

    Im 18 and I have a 9pm curfew.. my parents wont let me have a job or a car.. I dont even have a cellphone.. I can only hang out with my 3 year boyfriend on the weeknds (if my dad even lets me..) and they won’t talk to me when I try to talk to them about this stuff.. they just ignore me and walk away. I have had amazing graded throughout highschool and my GPA is top 10%.. ive never done drugs or even taken a sip of alcohol. Im a great daughter.. or so I think I am.. I remeber constantly telling myself it’ll be okay but truth is.. its only gotten worse.. I want to move out but they wont let me.. me and my boyfriend are getting married soon because of the millitary and us wanting to stay close.. but I plan to just leave before then.. my parent’s are insane.. I cant even go out with my friend ive known since 2nd grade and they know her parents.. they cut off the wifi whenever I dont clean my room good enough and im done. I dont even know what to do anymore but leave.. I developed trichotilomania (hair pulling mental illness) when I was in 5th grade because of them constantly wanting me to be a perfect child.. it was too much stress for me amd still Is. Its been 6-7 years and I cant get better.. it never “got better” with my parents. It always got worse.. so maybe me leaving the house finally would help them realise at least something..
    why are parents so ridiculous some times.. they think the whole world is hurting you but in reality its them.. some of you are lucky and you wont go through what I did.. it really sucksto not be able to talk to a mom about things.. or look up to a dad.

  3. avatarAmy says:

    I’m 13, I can’t even cross the road without going with my dog that pee’s on EVERYTHING. I have to get the perfect grades, no mess ups, and I HAVE to go to college. Everyone expects me to, the teachers, grandma, great grand parents, parents, my five siblings and my friends. I don’t actually won’t to go! I know It’s good for me, I’ll go but my life is about being the perfect golden child and sacrifices. I’d let the person next to me cut in the line so I’m not rude when I really just want to jump on them and beat them til they’re dead. I don’t curse at all, not one word. I have friends, which my siblings don’t have, perfect grades…my siblings don’t have them, people actually LIKE me, and I follow all the rules. Am I a goody-to shoes or what? My life is so boring I’d make toast look spicy! When I think about running away I get excited, then my ”perfect” side of me reminds me how many 13 year old’s make it without going to jail, teleporting me back to my boring life. The only action I get in life is by reading books, which my mom doesn’t get, she thinks readings boring, stupid, wast of time and makes you a nerd. But hay, when you read about gorgeousness in a male, or about the super powered people you get pleasure from it. Come on parents… you didn’t like a lot of rules so lay OFF US!

  4. avatarlauren says:

    I’m a girl that likes sports etc I don’t really like girly stuff and my family know that but yet they don’t let me have boys as friends and in all honesty most boys are less drama and hassle than most girls and my mummy practicaly picks my friends before she even gets to know them just by looking at them she would say I don’t want you near her and when I’m out my mummy would always ring me early like 5 and say to come in when yes I’ve already had my dinner like seriously its insane,I also have to constantly baby sit my little brother almost everyday and when I want to go out my mum would say you have boxing and school isn’t that enough and I get punished for the simplest things like being cheeky but then saying sorry that came out the wrong way,and don’t even get me started on phone they take it off me at 7 on a school night and 9 on a weekend they let me watch TV on a weekend when I don’t have my phone but like seriously anyone that knows me knows I’d rather be talking to my friends,I could go on forever about how strict my family are!

  5. avatarStephanie says:

    Yes! Sooooo my story ! My mom is a single mom and completely goes over the top with rules and can be so harsh at times! It’s frustrating and at some points it seems unbearable. Seriously needed this it helps to know that others can understand you and live the sand thing you do ! It’s so hard not to rebel because it’s just so not fair but hopefully things will get better and I’ll be allowed to go out with my friends :-)

    • avatarBarbara says:

      You guys you don’t understand how much MY LIFE SUCKS right now. I literally spend almost all my weekends stuck at home while all my friends are af parties or sleep overs, etc. MY MOM RUINS MY LIFE!!! I love her and all but omg! She is the reason why I’m such a loser. I always have friends inviting me to places but ofcourse, as always, I always say no cause my mom doesn’t let me or I just make up another excuse cause it’s too humiliating to say that ur mother keeps you locked up in your house 24/7. IM NOT EVEN A BAD KID! I always do my homework and clean the house and when I ask if I could go out to eat to with some friends or go to their house and hang out for a bit she always says no! Like if I’m gonna go do drugs or something

  6. avatarErin says:

    U ready for this one ?

    My parents won’t let me go in other peoples cars
    They check my phone every week
    I’m not aloud to go to other peoples houses
    Curfew 8:00!
    I can’t sleep over any ones house unless they have known the parents for 8 years
    They don’t approve of any of my friends
    They yell at me for being inactive but I have never been good at sports
    I can’t have fast food ever
    Parental controls on computers
    Expect all A’s

    I have a metaphorical dog collar on my neck

    -E

  7. avatarzoeyhoran says:

    My parents wont let me go to my friends houses but my friends can come to mine.. They’re always saying that they need to meet the parents and yea I get that but everytime I bring up meeting parents they change the subject

    • avatarkimberly says:

      hey omg same, my parents will never let me have a sleepover. I think its a safety precaution though. I mean, who knows what could actually happen at your friends house that night. I had this girl who was in my syndicate or house and she actually got pregnant by her friends, mums, boyfriend raping her one night. I was actually so freaked out after that story that I actually NEVER want to have a sleepover unless I absolutely trust the person.

  8. avatarTenzin says:

    Yeah my parents are strict but before I seriously thought I was gonna kill myself not anymore tho it’s cause highschool and hard classes n stuff so yeah :( but now I realize because my parents went thru hard time that’s why there so strict but now a days I am getting more in trouble because I lied to them and am getting bad grades In class. To all the young people by the way I am 15 a freshmen school over in a week yay to all the young people that you’ll get thru this n you will remember back as a good experience and don’t think about killing ur self or leaving the house etc n to all the people who are older GET UR ASS OF THAT COUCH N GO GET UR SLEF SOME JOB dang still living in that house with all that bad memories good ness sake ;) have fun n enjoy ur life to the fullest. be the change you want to see in the world – dalai lama

  9. avatarPoppy says:

    My parents are very strict. My mother doesn’t allow me to walk anywhere without my elder brother and she doesn’t let me go hang out with my friends unless she drives me to where I’m going and I have to be texting her every 5 freaking minutes. I get she’s a mom and she’s worried about me but I did nothing wrong. Besides, I’m scared of drugs alcohol and sexual interaction right now. Hell, I’m scared of dating. I am not aloud to walk to school or walk home unless I make a run for it after sports, or early in the morning. I feel sort of trapped sometimes… My friends are just like me too so my parents have no reason to hate them too. Oh and social media… I obviously won’t use cusses and I won’t post inappropriate photos of myself online, but my mother gets at me if I post a “selfie” where cleavage may be a tiny bit in the picture. It’s not my fault I’m a girl and I have breasts. I don’t try to “show them off” or whatever either. I’m a pretty good kid and I guess my mom’s trying to look out for me but I seriously feel way too babied for my age.

  10. avatarLorelei says:

    My life is so much like this!
    My mom is soo strict. I’m not allowed to date until after university, and college is not acceptable for them. I have to get straight A’s and she always expects me to be perfect.
    I don’t have any piercings, not even in the ears, and I’m not allowed to wear makeup until I’m married. -.-
    This is actually complete bullshit, because I’m not allowed to do ANYTHING. I’m not allowed to go to my friends’ houses, and she makes it clear that she doesn’t like my friends and completely forbids me to talk to them if she doesn’t like them.
    Actually, no matter how strict you are to your kids, they’ll just be the opposite of what you want. They just get more disobedient and defiant, and now I fight daily with my mom.
    My curfew is that I’m expected to get home exactly after school, exceptions for very special occasions.
    She’s paranoid about little things, I wanted to go to my friend’s youth group at her church, and my mom thought it was dangerous and I would be raped/kidnapped or whatever. It’s a church, honestly.

    Hopefully things get better in the future.

  11. avatarEmber says:

    i totally relate im only 14 but my parents won’t let me have a boyfriend till im married.yeah.not allowed to drive till im 25.i go to a private school where only my family goes to.yeah.and they pretty much control me.i have to go to bed at 9:30 and i have a D in Social Studies and a C in Math so im grounded i have to keep my grades up or they will take up my ipod.NOOoooOOOOO!!!!!!!!

  12. avatarJess says:

    Wow, we practically have the same life… I’m still in high school and my parents are literally living my life. I’m not allowed to go to parties, not even my family members birthday parties or weddings! It’s insane. My mom takes my phone constantly to look at my messages and a couple of months ago when I started talking to my crush through text, she literally started talking to him through my phone pretending to be me, and she said horrible things to him. I get grounded if I get any grades lower than an A and I’m only allowed to see my friends outside of school if they come over to my house and we stay under my mom’s supervision. My dad isn’t even that strict, he just kind of agrees to everything my mom says, as if he’s scared of disagreeing. It feels like crap, and sometimes I feel like they should just let me have my own experiences and make my own mistakes in life, so I can learn from them. I also feel like I won’t be able to live in the real world when I go to college (if they even let me go) because I’ve always been so sheltered. It’s scary and I get scared of sometimes just bursting out and doing something crazy, just to see how they’ll react. I honestly don’t know what to do to get a bit more freedom…

  13. avatarSamantha says:

    Hey, I’m 17, and I have some seriously strict parents. Yet you know what? I love them to death, and I’m so very glad they’ve been as hard on me as they are. They make me appreciate having parents that care about me. SO many people today have parents that let them smoke, have sex whenever they can, come home when they feel like, and let them get horrible grades. When you see where those people go in life, you realize why your parents may seem strict. Of course it can be challenging at times, but it’s totally worth it. If you have strict parents, good for you! That means you’ll have a good career choice, and you’ll have great guidance to help you make tough decisions. I’m not allowed to date, but I’m fine with that. Before when I dated a boy we almost had sex, and afterwords I felt awful and incredibly guilty for coming close to giving something away that I want to save for my husband. Having a boyfriend/girlfriend should really NOT be a focus point in your life, you need to focus on grades, work, and setting a good path for the future! I’m well known throughout the school, no one picks on or bullies me, I have one close friend in a group of five, my grades are average, and I’m doing fabulous in our religion. The going has been tough, but I feel like once I’m off into the real world, I’ll have the knowledge and advice to make it. Hopefully you can see that strict parents are definitely not a bad thing to have!

  14. avatarilyana says:

    This is so me

  15. avatarCat says:

    Dang.
    I thought my mom was strict. I can totally understand the calling your friend’s parents before you can go over to their homes thing. I always thought that my mom was over-protective. She’s not and I understand where she’s coming from. It’s a dangerous world and she doesn’t just want to send me over to some stranger’s house to hang out w/ a kid she’s never met. It’s not that she doesn’t trust me. She just doesn’t trust this world. & I am ever so grateful that she cares for me so much to have my back and watch over me(not in a stalker fly on the wall way) but as a mother who cares about her child’s well-being.

  16. avatarKyler says:

    I’m 16, male, don’t do drugs or drink. And I know what it’s like, too. My mom doesn’t let me do anything. My curfew, ha.. I can’t go anywhere without giving her exact detail of where I’ll be (not allowed to drive yet so I can’t go very far), how long I’ll be gone (typically an hour max), and who I’ll be with (cannot be a female). Added to that, confiscated always are my phone, iPod, and whatever else might be of value or communication. I get a lot of crap for my grades, even though I usually end up on the honor roll. Tonight I was kept from a party because I’m missing a couple assignments which can easily be made up. My mom also holds religion over my head, even though I don’t do anything against our religion, nor do I even have the same morals as her. Plus, that’s not even fair grounds to control me with. She made me sign a contract that binds me to certain responsibilities, as the only means by which I can obtain the privileges that most normal teens have. I need to get out of here. I can’t earn trust, and I can’t break my mom into giving it to me. I’ve tried everything, and I fear the only way out of this is to just wait another year and a half. Maybe emancipation. Honestly, why do parents even do this?

  17. avatartamy says:

    I can really rlate to you. My parents aren’t letting me go to college. They are making me take a course so im stuck at home and they can actually keep their eye on me ALL the time. my curfew is yeah this is a good one- 5:45 pm!!! yes i know ten year olds who have a better curfew. I’m twenty years old, and they still determine what time i sleep and what time i get up. The question of them liking y friends doesn’t come into picture because- yeah they made sure that i don’t have ANY. I live in a neighborhood where there isn’t anyone my age.

    • avatarlaura says:

      I call bullshit. If you live in the USA, then at 20, you are a legal adult and have been for two years, you can move out, can go to college, can have a life. A 5:45 pm curfew? Where do you live, 1943 Germany? I realize that this may be more than a little bit difficult, considering how repressive you make your life sound, but I think you aren’t telling us the whole story. Or you are making this up.
      If this is for real, though, you are being abused and you need to pick up the phone and call his hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), at least to start.

  18. avatarNao says:

    My parents are so strict they sent me to an all-girls highschool and they forbid any dating until I graduate from college. They always try to discourage me from getting a boyfriend telling me that I would get pregnant easily. HELLO I WOULD IMMEDIATELY DUMP THE GUY IF HE EVER DOES ANYTHING INAPPROPRIATE TO ME. I am not a screw up like my big bro and cousins. It’s super frustrating!!!!

    • avatarOriGurl says:

      Dear Nao,
      I totally getcha. I have parents who make me go to bed at 9:00, expect straight As, never have let me get a boyfriend, won’t let me have one until I’m 35, won’t let me drive until I’m 40, discourage all my friendships and overlook me because I have an older sis who is super popular. I’m not kidding, they won’t let me wear makeup until I’m 40.

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