How Can I Initiate Sex Without Looking Slutty?

Hey Heather,

I’ve gone on three dates with this guy I’m seeing who I really like. During our last date, I was really hoping that he would push things towards having sex, but he never did. I’m thinking that I’m going to have to be the one to make sex happen, but I have no idea how to do that without making myself appear sleazy or slutty. Please help.

First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl wanting to have sex. So, there’s also nothing wrong with a girl initiating sex. No matter how you do it, it’s not slutty or sleazy to let a guy know that you want to get into his pants. I know it seems more “normal” for a dude to initiate sex, but don’t pay attention to that misconception, because it’s totally unfair.

Basically, please try to take worrying about seeming slutty out of the equation. Here at Gurl, that word doesn’t really exist to us. It’s not sleazy for a girl to know what she wants and to go after it – that’s pretty awesome. It takes confidence to make the first move with anyone and if you’re able to do that with this guy, then more power to ya!

Now, onto the question of how to initiate sex in the first place. There could be a few reasons this guy isn’t trying to have sex with you – maybe he’s just trying to be respectful towards you. Maybe he’s still a virgin and is saving himself, or maybe he just likes to take things slow. I don’t know what’s going on, but the only way to find out for sure is to ask.

The next time you two hang out and you start fooling around, make it clear that you’re ready to take things a step forward. You can do that by pulling out a condom or asking him if he has one or straight up saying that you’re ready to go all the way. If he doesn’t seem that into it, don’t make a big deal out of it. You can ask what’s going on or you can just keep taking things slow until he’s ready. Don’t push him and don’t take it personally if he doesn’t want to have sex. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Honestly, most guys are thrilled when a girl makes the first move. It makes them feel good about themselves and it shows them that you’re super confident. He’ll probably be flattered and I don’t think he’s going to assume you’re sleazy or anything like that. If he does think that? He was never worth dating to begin with.

take care,
Heather

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Gen

    I can’t tell for your guy friends but like it was explained in the previous paragraph, confidence on a girl is sexy (it is NOT slutty gurl, stop that right now!) My boyfriend and I each have our own preferences, but when I make the first step, it definitely pleases my boyfriend! It makes me feel confident (and in control, which is not bad) and it makes him feel desired. And later on, if things become more serious, you can switch roles as for who will lead the dance :) But if you see he’s resilient, don’t push him; I don’t think you’d like it if a guy would make you feel bad for not having sex with him!

    Take care! xox