Is It Bad That I’m Not Getting Turned On As Much With My Boyfriend?

Sex doesn’t always come so easily. Sometimes, especially when we’re in a long relationship, we have trouble getting turned on as much as we used to. Is this happening to you… and stressing you out? Find out why you’re not getting as turned on around your boyfriend.

ChickRx expert S. Michael Plaut, Ph.D., Psychologist & Certified Sex Therapist, says:

When we just start dating someone, the novelty of a new relationship may lead us to be sexually excited very easily. This may be enhanced if we don’t have access to our lover all the time and also by the fact that in a new relationship, we are trying to be at our best. This explains why you might be more turned on in the beginning of a relationship.

But after a while, we may have a tendency to take each other and the relationship for granted. When we get very comfortable with someone, we may stop dressing up for each other or stop focusing on our hygiene as much. Usually, we also start expecting to have sexual intercourse without the teasing, play and romance that may have preceded our initial sexual encounters.

Also, as two people get to know each other in a relationship, they realize that everyone has their flaws and that their boyfriend/girlfriend is not perfect. It may be difficult to feel as turned on with a person who does not carry their weight in the relationship or otherwise behaves in a way that is disturbing in some way.

Relationships that maintain their passion take work, commitment, constant attention, compromise and caring, no matter how long they last. If anything in your relationship seems to be missing, talk about and find a way to resolve it together.

Ask your own health and wellness questions, anonymously if you’d like, and get expert advice at or post them in the comments.


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  • Nana

    Still trying to figure out how to get our sex game back. I need REAL advice! Lol

  • Nadine

    Going through the same thing… It really blows. Sex is extremely important to me and I feel like my body is betraying me. I have been stressed and somewhat depressed in the last few months but the problem has been occurring before this. It’s as if I have to have really nasty and disturbing thoughts to get off and that’s not even working now. I thought that the issue was because I just wasn’t sexually attracted to my bf anymore but tried with somebody else but nothing was going on don stairs for me. It was my a desert. Help!

  • Jessica

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. He is any girl’s dream guy. He’s smart, funny, caring, attractive, and even brings me roses on random occasions. He’s good to me in every way possible. However, for about the past 6 months or so, I have really been having a hard time staying aroused. We’ve tried different positions, having sex in different places, talking dirty to each other, holding off sex for a week or so, but all have either failed or only gotten me so far. Sex is definitely not how it used to be how it was in the beginning of our relationship and I miss it tremendously as does he. He’s done nothing wrong for me to not feel aroused by him and it makes him really sad that he can’t please me the way he used to. I feel its beginning to take a toll on our relationship. i was neve one to think sex played that bug of a role in a relationship but i see that it does for me now. I hate feeling this way and I hate seeng him sad about it. Please please help me find a solution I am desperate!

    • jess

      In the same boat.. this article doesn’t help cause he pulls his weight is amazing in everyway .. I feel it has to do with me… we have a 14 month old tho I feel it’s no excuse cause we were like this before .. I think it’s my hormones cause our sex was great in my first trimester better than ever in my life.. I want it like that again

    • Elle

      Don’t be put out. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself now. Try writing down your thoughts in a diary and get it off of your chest with the reassurance that things will pick up if you are positive and optimistic. It won’t change suddenly but it wil get better. Maybe if you’re on birth control pills could be a reason, try working out together and have date nights. Lots of laughs and remember sex is important but there’s many many more things too. Don’t worry about it and take each day as it comes. Don’t let this frighten you and try some beauty therapy like a relaxing bath and pamper yourself! Try reading erotic and find out what turns you on away from the relationship to come to him with a few things he can try like reading you erotica, candles, a free house and train your mind and imagination to think sexually again. Hope this works for you