Breaking Up Shouldn’t Be Done Over A Computer


This is not the way to find out you’re no longer a couple. Source: Shutterstock

This morning I was reading through the results of a survey conducted by, and I had a full Liz Lemon-style “What the what?!” moment when I read one of their findings.

It turns out that 35 percent of the women surveyed said that they would consider breaking up with a person via various forms of technology (through a text, with an email or on social media). You guys… not okay! I’m actually pretty surprised by those numbers — that means about 1 in 3 women thought about breaking the breakup news over technology.

Okay, so it did say they just considered it and didn’t note if they actually went through with it (though if I had to guess, some probably did), but the point is that even the consideration should be off the table. I know I talked earlier this week about how I realized being straightforward is the best policy when it comes to rejecting someone, but I guess I should have also made it clear that the honesty should come from an actual conversation, not just in a quickly jotted note.

If you actually have been in a relationship with someone, you’ve surely shared some quality time together and probably opened up to one another, I just feel like there’s even less of an excuse to not physically communicate with this person about the breakup. I would say in most instances in-person is the best way to go, but I can see why a phone call breakup would be appropriate in some cases. But a text?

Texting and talking over the computer are both awesome and convenient (and maybe I do it way too much), but if there’s something actually important and personal I need to say to someone, those are not the ways to do it. It kind of gives off this “I couldn’t be bothered” vibe when you bring up this kind of serious topic in the same casual way you’d maybe let your BFF that you watched Pretty Little Liars last night.

And what about context? When someone can hear your tone or see your face, your message will probably be a lot more clear than the few words that a text or tweet would allow. As far as breaking up over social media, you have the additional awfulness of having everyone watch it happen. Getting broken up with is already tough, and now it’s potentially unfolding in front of all ex’s friends who learn about it the same moment that your ex does.

I understand that breaking up with someone can be scary and uncomfortable, and a quick technology breakup might seem easy, but just try to put yourselves in your soon-to-be-ex’s shoes. Seriously, a breakup through a text or online is a no in my book.

Do you know someone who has ever dumped someone over the computer? What do you think is the best way to break up with someone? Tell me in the comments!

A BFF Breakup Is A Million Times Worse Than A BF Breakup

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  • Crystal

    I understand what you are saying, but I want to provide an alternative view. A written message does not have to be impersonal. What if someone struggles severely with social anxiety and feels they can express themselves better through writing then speaking? Perhaps after writing the letter he/she can offer to talk in person. I think it also depends on how long people have been dating and how often they have seen each other. I can also see how this can be callous…but as a person with anxiety, I can understand why people choose to breakup this way…and I don’t necessarily think it is always a negative thing. I think it depends the way it is written, and many other factors.

  • kitty663

    my last boyfriend broke up with me over facebook. he apologysed a few days ago… but it had been more then three months after he broke up with me till we started talking again.

  • bakerychaz

    I think it’s okay to break up over technology if you’ve only been going out for like a week or a fortnight, no longer than that. Just my opinion though.