There’s nothing wrong with being a chronic relationshipper, but I think everyone should take a full year after a serious breakup to be single. When I say single, I mean actually single. I think going on dates is fine (everyone is entitled to meeting new people and the occasional smooch), but this means not having a consistent relationship-type anything.
I went through a bad breakup on Halloween in 2011. I was more than devastated. The breakup was a total shock that literally made me sick. I stopped eating, couldn’t sleep or focus in class. It got to the point where I couldn’t even cry anymore. This shell of a person was not me, and I realized I needed to get it together.
My problem wasn’t just that I lost someone I truly loved, but I didn’t know how to not have a boyfriend. I didn’t who I was without another person. I realized I had always been the one to sacrifice myself for the happiness of whoever I was dating. That just didn’t fly with me so I vowed to stay single until I figured out myself.
And I did. The past year has been amazing! I had the most fun of my life during my last semester of college as I reconnected with old friends. I started doing things I wanted to do. I started to conquer my anxiety. I grew a no-nonsense attitude that has changed my outlook on life. Heck, I moved to New York and started my adult years!
My personality forces me to care very deeply about the well-being of others and to fix things, which is not a bad thing. But it also means that I put other people first to the point where I forget about myself and end up being really unhappy. I stopped doing that. Of course I still help people and am caring and empathetic. But I stopped doing things that I didn’t want to just to make someone happy and started being a little selfish.
Being single has given me so much perspective. I have such a refreshed view on the kind of person I need to be with because I know myself so much better. I know I need someone who will challenge and encourage me. I’m my whole self now, and I don’t need someone else to make me whole. I need someone who can add to that and make me my whole self and then some.
Most importantly, taking a year to be single completely healed me. If I had jumped into a relationship with someone after my breakup, I would have held onto the issues and projected them onto my new boyfriend. Instead, I took the time to be sad and angry and heal. Now I’m at a point where I’m the best version of myself that I’ve ever been. I’m a version of myself that has let go of my past and can love and care for someone again.
Have you ever been single for a year or more? Did it help you? Tell me in the comments!