Why You Should Be Single For A Year After A Breakup

I’ve been single for one year, three months and seven days. And I have to tell you that this is the longest time I’ve ever been single since I started dating. I’ve had a boyfriend or “ish” (boyfriend-ish figure) for like 12 years.

There’s nothing wrong with being a chronic relationshipper, but I think everyone should take a full year after a serious breakup to be single. When I say single, I mean actually single. I think going on dates is fine (everyone is entitled to meeting new people and the occasional smooch), but this means not having a consistent relationship-type anything.

I went through a bad breakup on Halloween in 2011. I was more than devastated. The breakup was a total shock that literally made me sick. I stopped eating, couldn’t sleep or focus in class. It got to the point where I couldn’t even cry anymore. This shell of a person was not me, and I realized I needed to get it together.

My problem wasn’t just that I lost someone I truly loved, but I didn’t know how to not have a boyfriend. I didn’t who I was without another person. I realized I had always been the one to sacrifice myself for the happiness of whoever I was dating. That just didn’t fly with me so I vowed to stay single until I figured out myself.

And I did. The past year has been amazing! I had the most fun of my life during my last semester of college as I reconnected with old friends. I started doing things I wanted to do. I started to conquer my anxiety. I grew a no-nonsense attitude that has changed my outlook on life. Heck, I moved to New York and started my adult years!

This is how I great I feel about life now. Source: What Should We Call Girls

This is how I great I feel about life now. Source: What Should We Call Girls

My personality forces me to care very deeply about the well-being of others and to fix things, which is not a bad thing. But it also means that I put other people first to the point where I forget about myself and end up being really unhappy. I stopped doing that. Of course I still help people and am caring and empathetic. But I stopped doing things that I didn’t want to just to make someone happy and started being a little selfish.

Being single has given me so much perspective. I have such a refreshed view on the kind of person I need to be with because I know myself so much better. I know I need someone who will challenge and encourage me. I’m my whole self now, and I don’t need someone else to make me whole. I need someone who can add to that and make me my whole self and then some.

Most importantly, taking a year to be single completely healed me. If I had jumped into a relationship with someone after my breakup, I would have held onto the issues and projected them onto my new boyfriend. Instead, I took the time to be sad and angry and heal. Now I’m at a point where I’m the best version of myself that I’ve ever been. I’m a version of myself that has let go of my past and can love and care for someone again.

And now I can do this again. Source: What Should Girls Call Me

And now I can do this again. Source: What Should Girls Call Me

Have you ever been single for a year or more? Did it help you? Tell me in the comments!
 

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  • amalia120

    I’ve just ended yet another relationship after 10 years of solid dating with an average of each relationship lasting 12 – 24 months.
    I haven’t just had boyfriend break ups, but friendship break ups as well. That’s a lot of breakups. That is a serious remedy for ‘what the hell is wrong with me, what am I doing wrong’.

    Well, dating. Dating consecutively has been what’s wrong. I’ve never given myself time to mourn or heal any of these properly and this has led me to carry the same baggage into each new relationship.

    This article is awesome. After the last break up I decided enough was enough and I am using the next 12 months to properly heal and know myself, with a Europe trip bang to end it.

    It’s a very new journey and I have to say thank you to the writer for affirming this course of action.

  • LittleRedWolfGirl

    I’ve only ever had the one boyfriend, and we were only together for 5 weeks (literally to the day). Before that, and for a while after, I was kind of obsessed with the idea of having a boyfriend and dating, because I’d been single all through high school and of course society’s ideas made me feel like I was kind of pathetic for it (even though I always had a really hard time seeing myself actually being in a relationship). Well, I went through the longing, the crushes, the obsessions, all the usual. When my boyfriend and I broke up, I was really devastated, and pretty much became a zombie. It took me a while to heal and get over it, but once I did, I learned who I really was and what I really wanted. I realized the reason I could never see myself in a relationship was because I always pictured boys, and as it turns out, I prefer women. It took me a long time to realize it, and to realize that my crushes with guys, my heartbreak after the breakup, had more to do with the idea of love. I didn’t want to have to worry about finding someone, so I’d fixate on a nice, attractive guy who I knew I’d be seeing a lot of, in the hopes that it would work out and my single days would be done. I totally did not realize what was going on at the time, of course, because for whatever reason, I never thought that I could actually be gay (even though I’ve never had a problem with homosexuality). I finally had to admit to myself all the times I’d been attracted to a girl but had tried to right it off as just being aware of her beauty, or just liking her personality in a friendship way. Once I realized all this, I felt so good about myself. I no longer felt depressed about being single, because I knew one day I’d find someone, it just wasn’t what I used to think I wanted. I felt like I really got to know myself so much more, and it was a really nice feeling. Sure, I still get a bit lonely sometimes, but I no longer get depressed or pessimistic about it. Real love, and a good, healthy relationship are definitely worth waiting for. There’s nothing wrong with being single (I’ve been for over two years now), and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise!