Just wondering… why do guys cheat?! Like, why do they even have a girlfriend if they’re going to cheat on her? And should you EVER forgive a guy who cheats on you?
Hey, girls cheat, too. Did you forget that Kristen Stewart totally screwed over RPatz? In fact, recent studies suggest that women cheat as frequently as men do. But while sexual incompatibility and general unhappiness may lead women astray, men often cheat for very different reasons.
Readers of this column know that I love writing about gender-specific biological differences. More specifically, while males can sexually “reload” in just a few hours (or minutes, for a few lucky future adult film stars), a female theoretically has no reproductive need for sex any more than every nine months (though in reality, any lady with such an exaggeratedly low drive could benefit from a few shirtless Channing Tatum movies). My point is that because male thoughts are more consistently dominated by sex, sexual tension and dissatisfaction in relationships can cause men to cheat.
Of course, other factors – including cultural influence and psychological weaknesses such as low self-esteem – also contribute. Perhaps the biggest problem is that many guys are unable to properly communicate their own personal desires or vulnerabilities to their girlfriends or wives, and thus make terrible mistakes which compromise relationships. It’s not that a cheating guy necessarily doesn’t love you – he’s probably just being too selfish to constructively address the deeper issues at hand.
While men aren’t exactly ideally constructed for monogamy, most understand that if they want to eventually build a family and enjoy a fulfilling relationship with someone whom they can lean on and share their lives with, they must commit to one woman at a time. If a guy isn’t willing to make you his one and only boo, he needs to be up front about it. And if he claims he is but ends up cheating anyway, only you can decide whether to forgive him or not, based on the circumstances of the act of betrayal and the depth of your relationship. I think a one-time “mistake” should be viewed as less serious than an on-going affair. But a history of past cheating or any indications of future “slip-ups” should be viewed as big ol’ red flags – in which case, you need to accept his apparent desire for an “open” relationship, or kick that dog to the curb!
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.