You know how plastic surgeons are trying to make women feel insecure about their vaginas, from the way they look to the intensity of the G-spot sensation? Guys aren’t immune to the pressures society places on their manhood, either. In fact, penis enlargement–you probably have a bunch of ads for it in your spam folder, and chances are you don’t even have a penis!–is a huge trend lately (no pun intended).
Just a warning: If you’re squeamish, you may want to stop reading. It gets gross.
Aside from Austin Powers and some weird old dudes surrounded by race cars on late night infomercials, no one talks much about “male enhancement,” but apparently there’s been a huge spike in it, and not all of it is safe–and a lot of it is actually kind of insane. Of course, you also have to look at who’s doing it.
Apparently a bunch of prisoners in Australia have started DIY penis implants, which probably doesn’t even sound as horrifying as they feel. Reports say that most of the incisions penis implants were done with pens (oh God, make it stop) and the implants were often really weird, random objects: dice (giving a whole new meaning to “snake eyes“), melted toothpaste caps (seriously, wtf?), buttons, deodorant roller balls, dominoes (uhhh…) and buttons.
Not only are these penis enhancements (dude, really?) causing skin infections in the people bored, sick and deranged enough to do them, but they’re also designed to make sex more memorable — and painful — for their partners. Yeesh. All that just to be remembered as a crappy lay?
The “beads” inserted into the penis often cause bleeding, abrasions and discomfort during sex, and they can make condoms a lot less effective. On top of that, they can also cause blood infections. Are you turned on yet?
The best thing you can do for or to your privates? Absolutely nothing. Going to a gyno once a year and making sure your stuff is in working order and getting tested is all the maintenance your vagina needs. An STD test is all your dude needs in terms of male enhancement. Okay, and maybe manscaping if you’re into that. But um, he really shouldn’t be sticking anything into his penis–that’s as bad as sticking his penis into anything that moves.
Would you ever have sex with a guy who had penis implants? Do you think the pressure for penis enlargement and male enhancement for guys is as strong as the pressure for designer vaginas for girls? Tell us in the comments!