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According to a Match.com yearly survey, 47 percent of single people have been in a friends with benefits relationship at some point in their life. I’m not surprised by this – actually, I might be just a little bit surprised that the number isn’t higher than that. I feel like being friends with benefits is so common… but I don’t think it should be. Why? I think having a FWB is a terrible idea.
Yeah, that thought comes from my own bad experiences, but it also comes from the bad experiences I’ve witnessed from friends, family members, people I barely know and, of course, movies. There’s a reason a friends with benefits type relationship almost never works out: it is basically a recipe for disaster. Yes, having an FWB can work just fine for a few people. But for most of us, combining the intimacy of sex with a casual relationship just doesn’t mix too well.
If you’re considering starting up an FWB relationship, take these cons into consideration. Trust me, I know it can be tempting… but it can also be asking for heartbreak. Check out my 7 reasons why being friends with benefits is a bad idea and then let me know if you agree.
It's Usually A Way Of Settling
Sure, there are plenty of people who go into friends with benefits relationship because they're only interested in hooking up without feelings. But most people start up an FWB because they're settling. They know their crush doesn't want a relationship, but they still want to be with him/her, so they decide that just hooking up is better than nothing. Guess what? It's not. Settling is never a good idea and being friends with benefits is not always going to change the other person's mind. Source: ShutterStockThings Can Get Awkward, Fast
Friends with benefits is very rarely an exclusive type of deal. This means that at some point, you're probably going to catch your buddy in the act of flirting or hooking up with someone who's not you. No matter how crappy that may feel, there's really nothing you can do about it (unless you two agreed upon exclusivity). Seeing the person you were nakey with last night try to get with someone else? It's a pretty uncomfortable - and sucky - feeling. Source: ShutterStockIt's Not Super Safe
Like I said, FWB isn't usually about being exclusive - it's about getting the benefits of a relationship while still being able to hook up with other people. That's fine, but that being said, friends with benefits isn't always the safest situation. If your partner is with other people besides just you, who knows what's going on there? Even if he/she says they're using protection, you can never be 100 percent sure that they are. Also, you may think your partner isn't getting down without you... but they could just be lying. I know that sounds negative, but trust me, it happens all the time. Always, always wear a condom. Source: ShutterStockIt Can Ruin A Perfectly Good Friendship
A lot of FWB relationships come out of a friendship you already have with someone (obvs, look at the name!). But friends and hooking up isn't always the best mix. If you've decided to be FWB with a good pal and things go wrong... boom. Friendship probably over. Or at least seriously damaged. Source: ShutterStockThere's No Sense Of Secuity
This goes hand in hand with the fact that your hookup buddy could be getting with other people on the side. A lot of times, we enter into a FWB because we feel lonely and just want someone to be there in some way. We think having a hookup buddy is going to make things better, but it's actually probably making things worse. Not having that person there emotionally can make you feel really lonely and even damage your self-esteem. Source: ShutterStockOne Of You Will Get Attached
Okay, so this doesn't always happen, but... it usually does. When regular sex is involved, one person is most likely going to get attached. I'm not saying it's going to be the girl - it can totally be the guy. Either way, it's the worst. If you start to fall for your FWB but he's not interested... it's heartbreaking. If he/she starts to fall for you and you're not interested... you'll probably feel pretty bad about it. Whatever happens, it'll definitely be messy and the opposite of a good time. Source: ShutterStockIt's Just Too Easy To Get Hurt
The bottom line? It's way too easy to get hurt, for all of the reasons I've mentioned and more. Sex is a pretty big deal and it can quickly turn into an emotional experience. It's not easy to be so casual about it. Be honest with yourself: if you think there's even a little potential for you to get hurt, don't go through with it. You'll be much better off waiting for someone who wants exactly what you want. Source: ShutterStockDo you have a FWB? Have you ever been in a friends with benefits relationship? Do you think it’s a good or bad idea? Tell me in the comments.
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Would You Rather?
I totally disagree with this. My BFF has had a FWB relationship with a guy and she’s so happy! She says one of the reasons it is so good is because they feel comfortable with each other – she’s not worrying about what he thinks about her body etc and they get on really well and talk to each other (This answers the safety question because they both know how many people the other has been with which you might not with random hookup). Another thing she mentioned was that she doesn’t feel guilty about going after other guys or even dating them (she would never have sex with her FWB while dating another guy though). She just get’s to have fun without all the responsibility that comes with a relationship.