7 Reasons Why I Think Being Friends With Benefits Is A Terrible Idea

According to a Match.com yearly survey, 47 percent of single people have been in a friends with benefits relationship at some point in their life. I’m not surprised by this – actually, I might be just a little bit surprised that the number isn’t higher than that. I feel like being friends with benefits is so common… but I don’t think it should be. Why? I think having a FWB is a terrible idea. 

Yeah, that thought comes from my own bad experiences, but it also comes from the bad experiences I’ve witnessed from friends, family members, people I barely know and, of course, movies. There’s a reason a friends with benefits type relationship almost never works out: it is basically a recipe for disaster. Yes, having an FWB can work just fine for a few people. But for most of us, combining the intimacy of sex with a casual relationship just doesn’t mix too well.

If you’re considering starting up an FWB relationship, take these cons into consideration. Trust me, I know it can be tempting… but it can also be asking for heartbreak. Check out my 7 reasons why being friends with benefits is a bad idea and then let me know if you agree.

Do you have a FWB? Have you ever been in a friends with benefits relationship? Do you think it’s a good or bad idea? Tell me in the comments.


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  • Lisa

    So I’ve got this friend and she just got into a sorta fwb relationship with this guy she just met a month ago or so. (She hasn’t lost her vCard yet) and I’m the person that cares almost too much about my friends. But from what I’ve heard this guy is a total jerk and I’m just so worried she’s gonna end up having sex with him and then getting hurt. But of course she wouldn’t listen if I told her this so I’m just gonna vent on here.

  • TamDaDon

    Okay I am super worried about #6 because even though we’re very up front with each other I just have this weird feeling that things are gonna go horribly wrong. The only reason I got into this is because I wanted to keep my mind off my ex and realize that I am over him I guess. Idk I’m kind of confused right now…

  • Danielle Vetrov

    Wow…so I have read many articles in this because today I got asked to be fwb….I had a bad feeling about it right away because I value myself far more than to just be someone that another person can come to to have sex! And it’s sad to say that lots of people these days don’t value themselves and their body that way! Why would this man who is my friend and is an incredible person want to be with me if I just give it up for fun and sexual release! Why would any man or women want to be with anyone who devalues sex and intimacy like that? That’s where the saying comes from……”why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?”
    Sex should not be taken for granted of just give it to anyone….people release hormones like oxytocin when being intimate which gives them relief and relaxes them….emotions get involved based on a scientific level and therefore when you have sex with someone you aren’t committed with is a terrible idea because one or both parties get emotionally involved….once you are physical with someone…emotions are soon to follow! You may talk to people and they can say they don’t but those people are not being honest with you and more importantly they are not being honest with themselves!

  • Crissy

    Well. I have a FWB and before I started this “relationship” we sorted out all the rules. If one of us has an inkling of feelings. We have to be upfront and decide if we want to make this into a real relationship. For right now I enjoy being with him, but I don’t feel attached to him. If you do decide to start a FWB relationship. Make its what you want and remember be safe.

  • ammy

    So…..abt a year ago, i broke up with my boyfriend. We loved each other very much but things just complicated so we decided to break up. We’ve been close friends ever since. Always communicate everyday, meet up everytime we have chance, take a good care and protect each other, have sex, basically nothing really changes. 8 months later I dated someone else and got into a relationship. For just one month. We broke up. During that period of time I did lowering the frequency of meet up and blablablaa with my ex. But when me and new bf broke up, things just got back to it used to be, me and my ex just do all that stuff again. Im confused, is this friends with benefits? Bcs we text each other everyday, protect and take good care of each other, and so on….

  • Olivia

    I just pushed away a FWB. The whole situation was very blurry. He seemed interested in more than just a lets fuck type of way. He gave me so many mixed signals. Now, only to find out he doesnt want us to get emotions involved. I had to end it before we continued and before I began to feel more even though I am now aware of the circumstances.It really sucks, he wascso cool and letting him go just sucks, however maybe he will come around. All in all,FWB is just a huge mistake
    You are getting intimate with someone.Feelings are bound to develop.

  • Gaby

    I really don’t understand why an ex would suggest this. My ex broke up with me and 4 days later he texted me saying he missed our sex, then another night he texted asking me how I was doing and that he missed me, he doesn’t text me everyday but regularly I’d say, he said once he wanted to meetup with me to just have a good time and that we could always be good friends. One day I accepted seeing him again then we talked and had sex, he was very affectionate and sweet I could tell the way he looked at me that he still has feelings for me, then he said we could be friends with benefits. I don’t know why he’s doing this, he is the one who dumped me and keeps contacting me,we have good chemistry and enjoy eachother’s company but it is very obvious this FWB thing isn’t a very healthy relationship between two people, its bound to make either one get pretty hurt….but it’s very hard to let go of your feelings and that passion towards a person(ex) I’m so confused,

    • Trisha Rubio

      I am going through the exact same thing. 6 month relationship. I broke up with him. He asked me out to dinner a month later and I went, last night, we had a great date, great talk. BUT he suggester FWB and I told him I couldn’t and he dropped me off at home. I am so confused and I am contemplating his idea. My feelings for him are that strong. I had to go to dinner to know for sure. I am still in love with him. I don’t know what to do because he said that he doesn’t want to move on when I suggested it. Just don’t want to get hurt. Wish he would commit. I don’t understand why he won’t. I guess he has his reasons. Just don’t want to hold him over until something better comes along. Ugh! So I hear what you are saying! Thank you! :o)

  • Madeleine Baier

    First of all, I know I’m old fashioned. I will not apologize for this and anyone who doesn’t like it can kiss my old timey ass. I don’t do casual sex, booty calls, and I am no one’s fuck buddy. There’s making love, and there’s having sex. There’s a huge difference between the two. I tried the fwb scenario once, and ended up getting hurt. Badly. I will do what I need to do to keep this from happening again.
    Your article is Totally right on!!! Any one of the reasons by themself points this out clearly.

  • Katherine

    I had a fwb relationship for about a year with my guy best friend. it was great at first because we were so comfortable together and it made our friendship stronger. but i eventually fell for him and he said he didn’t want a relationship. i’ve now moved on and have been with another guy for almost 4 months and my guy friend has confessed to being in love with me and regretting not realising he wanted to be with me.

  • pixie

    Yeah I have and it sucked coz I got attached after the sex and he claimed he only wanted to be friends. I got insecure and lonely and it pushed him away and he said I was insecure and naive. He dint have feelings. I felt he had someone else and dint want md anymore. I felt sick. We text fought for twenty-four hours and I told him we needed a tine out. After that time out, he has never talked to me since. I miss the friendship , I tried to reach out when I was over it but he wont respond so u let it go

  • reina

    I agree that friends with benefits can lead to bad outcomes . I want to know if it’s normal to still friends with benefits but act together but not wanting a relationship . I’ve been friends with benefits with my bestfriend for about two years , we kinda stopped when we both started going out with somebody , but during that time he always asked that if he was single would he have a chance with me , that he loves me , he wants to be with me but I didn’t quite believe it until he actually started showing it but I really never got attached because I knew it wouldn’t work out . Up to this point everything is fine an nothing really changed except the fact that he wants us to have sex , at the same time I want to agree but I can’t because I don’t want to and I’m not ready , bit what if he tells me he’s developing feelings for me ? but he goes around flirting with other girls ? how can I believe if it’s real or not ? Is it possible to confront him about it and know what he really wants or if he just wants to get laid and leave ?

  • van

    This article is spot on. I feel like it was written for me. I went throught this exactly. Thry work for only a small minority. I ended up getting attached and liking him only to get burned. It only benefitted him in the end. Its a horrible feeling to like someone who sleeps with others and will end up having a relationship just not with you. I don’t recommend it. Nnever again

  • Susie

    No, I do not think it works unless you have a wall up. I did not want to feel right after my divorce but had a friend who kept asking me about FWB. But I already cared a little for him and hoped he would start caring more for me. I did get emotional and jealous when we went out with our group of friends, and feltl more connected than he did. At first I got the morning after phone call which was considerate, but later, not even that. It didn’t work for me, even at a time when I didn’t think I could connect emotionally. It is settling for less. You are possibly missing out on an opportunity to meet someone who will truly care for you and treat you special.

  • Amy

    I totally disagree with this. My BFF has had a FWB relationship with a guy and she’s so happy! She says one of the reasons it is so good is because they feel comfortable with each other – she’s not worrying about what he thinks about her body etc and they get on really well and talk to each other (This answers the safety question because they both know how many people the other has been with which you might not with random hookup). Another thing she mentioned was that she doesn’t feel guilty about going after other guys or even dating them (she would never have sex with her FWB while dating another guy though). She just get’s to have fun without all the responsibility that comes with a relationship.

    • Madeleine Baier

      Hey amy,
      Let’s see how casual you are about this if your BFF falls in love with this guy, finds out that he is too self centered to see her as anything more than a vagina, says she’s getting too needy/clingy/insecure,dumps her, and she’s in your home at 2am crying her eyes out.
      Do you realize? That? This? Could? Happen?