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If there’s one thing I’ve learned from spending the last two years reading questions from you guys, it’s that orgasms can be tough. Movies, TV shows, porn and books make orgasms seem like the most magical thing a woman can go through (and, okay, they sort of are!). But if you’ve never really experimented with sexual stuff before, it can be hard to know if you’ve actually, you know, had one or not. And it can be even harder to figure out how to have one.
If you’ve ever wondered how to orgasm, don’t worry: you’re totally not alone. It’s really easy for guys to get off, but unfortunately, it’s not so simple for us girls. Things down there are a little bit more complicated. So, how do you have an orgasm? We might not be able to tell you exactly what to do, but we can give you some tips that will definitely help you out. Ready to orgasm? Check out our tips:
Relax!
The number one secret to having an orgasm? Five little letters: R-E-L-A-X. If you're stressed about having one or not having one, um, you're probably not going to have one. Thinking about it or worrying about it isn't going to help. So just take a deep breath, calm down and enjoy whatever is happening - if you orgasm, awesome! If you don't, there's always next time. Source: ShutterStockSet The Mood
In order to relax or get in the mood, you might need to change up some of your surroundings. If nice lingerie gets you in the mood, put some on. If you want a more romantic atmosphere, light some candles and put on some soft music. Want some serious alone time? Go in the bath. Until you can learn to tune out the distractions around you, make your environment super relaxing. Source: ShutterStockExplore Down There
And I don't mean masturbate (yet). There's a lot going on down there, and you should get to know your body. Sit in front of a mirror and check out what's happening. The fastest way to masturbate is by stimulating your clitoris, so try to figure out where that is. But I wouldn't bother looking for the elusive G-spot. Just focus on figuring out what's what and where everything is. Source: ShutterStockBe Willing To Experiment
Sometimes the first thing we try when attempting to masturbate won't work. If you haven't been able to masturbate through fingering or intercourse, don't feel like you're weird. Just be open to trying new things - look into sex toys, maybe watch porn or think about different techniques. The same things don't always work for everyone, so be open to the possibility that you might need to experiment a little. Source: ShutterStockMasturbate
Okay, now you can masturbate. Exploring your own sexuality is one of the best ways to figure out how to orgasm. Masturbating is great for so many reasons - it's healthy, it will make you feel good and it will teach you more about yourself, just to name a few. Don't forget to relax and enjoy yourself - it may take a while before you get into the right groove. Source: ShutterStockDo Kegels
Yes, you can do exercises for your vagina. Kegels will strengthen your vaginal muscles and can make it easier for you to orgasm. Do them by tightening and then relaxing your vaginal muscles (think about what you do when you really have to pee). You can do these anywhere at any time without anyone noticing. Source: ShutterStockDon't Fake It!
When you're with a partner and you feel like the big O just isn't going to happen, don't resort to faking it. First of all, if he finds out, he'll be really hurt. Second of all, that's not going to help you in the future - if a guy thinks he's doing the right thing (but he's actually not), he's just going to do it again. Instead, instruct him on what to do. Believe it or not, guys love the advice. Source: ShutterStockJust Be Confident
This pretty much goes hand-in-hand with relaxing. Maybe you're not orgasming because you're worried about what you'll look like, what you'll say or basically just what will happen. But don't worry about that. Who cares what your O face looks like? Who cares what kind of noises you make? If you're with a dude, he'll be so thrilled you're into it, he won't care. And if you're by yourself, whatever! The orgasm is worth it. Source: ShutterStockDo you ever have trouble having an orgasm? Do you think these tips are helpful? What would you like to add? Do you have any other sex questions? Tell me in the comments.
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Would You Rather?
If a woman masturbates with a dildo or other object internally while still a virgin, can a man tell when she eventually does lose her virginity?
I still can’t have an orgasm
awesome tips
If I don’t orgasm within a few minutes, my fiance gets soft and falls asleep. He has implied that it’s too hard to do and takes too long. He loses “steam”. He has a window of opportunity to have sex or he loses interest and his erection. Pressure much? yes. I am a very affectionate and passionate woman and I’m attractive. He says I need more hair down there (no, I don’t shave the main stuff, just what creeps onto the legs). He also says I don’t have a smell…I’m “too clean”. I shower once a day and refuse to let my hygeine go. No fishy smells for me.
It just really seems like it’s more about his pleasure than mine. His body..not mine. Emphasis seems to be on his erection. No foreplay, not much touching on his part, though i know every bump and hair on his body. I have to initiate, kiss, touch..etc. He is receptive, but only touches me long enough to see if I’m lubed enough to insert. Then, it’s magic and stars for him. I enjoy it, but would really like to have satisfaction too. Yes, I’ve talked with him about it. I’ve introduced toys, sexual instructional videos, books, ambiance, music, lingerie, suppliments, viagra, etc. He has reached complacency and is done wooing. He blames it on being old…he’s 46. I’m 43. He finally has the woman he’s wanted and the relationship he dreamed of for so long but doesn’t want to take the time to please me? Falls asleep while I’m working the toy to get some kind of satisfaction? Really doesn’t want any part in bringing me to orgasm unless it happens quickly? Yes, I give PLENTY of feedback when he is “working” on me. Now that I know it it “work” to him, it makes me even more paranoid. I have already faked it many times to boost his moral and keep it from fizzling. When I really want to acheive an orgasm, I end up having sex with myself while he snores. Very frustrated….talking about it only yields more excuses. I’m feeling the need to back off of the affection I show and rethink my adoration for him. I love him deeply and I know he love me, but this is a real issue.
I certainly don’t want o be ignored or feel like my pleasure is a burden to him.
I don’t really have trouble reaching orgasm and can usually do so in about fifteen minutes. If there is one thing I would say is that give yourself a break otherwise you’ll just get desensitised. I find that every other day works for me.
Since we dont talk about it like guys, I do think its important to hear what works for other gurls. I dont have any problems now but when I first started I couldnt orgasm whenever I wanted but after learning a few techniques that worked and getting my mind on the right things I havent had a problem since. I agree with watching porn, it can be a big help but its not for everyone, and toys are the same but a dildo or a vibrator can rally make orgasming easier and better. Its not as hard as you think to get a vibrator so if you want one I would do it because of the sensations you can feel from them.
So to answer your questions,
NO, I dont have a problem orgasming.
YES, I think the tips are helpful, very helpful.
I would like to ADD, it would be great if there was more porn for women, like girl friendly stuff. Dont take the men out of porn but have hotter, younger guys with less body hair and obviously nice looking penises.
And I do have a question. My question is, Is masturbating with a dildo or vibrator frequently amount to cheating if I dont let my bf know what I am doing?
No, its not, i use mine quite a bit and,my boyfriend likes it
Of course it’s not cheating! The bare minimum for cheating is another person, not a sex toy. It’s none of your boyfriend’s business unless you choose to tell him.
Okay, seriously, we hear enough about relaxing and ‘exploring our bodies’. Let’s get practical. Vibrators*. Good strong shower heads. A dazzling variety of porn. Less celebrating my womanly flower, more jerking off.
* Silicone’s good. Cleans easily, carries vibration well, soft without being useless, and mine aren’t that noisy.