Will your first time having sex impact the way your sex life will be forever? A new study suggests that it will… but I’m not really buying it.
The study, which was published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, looked at over 300 people and found that those people who had a satisfying first time found their future sex lives “more fulfilling.” Similarly, they found that the people who were nervous or anxious when losing their virginity didn’t experience a particularly positive future sex life.
The lead researcher in the study, Dr. Matthew Shaffer said, “While this study doesn’t prove that a better first time makes for a better sex life in general, a person’s experience of losing their virginity may set the pattern for years to come.” So basically, according to this research, if you lose your virginity with someone you love and have a great experience, your future sex life will be more similar to your first time. And vice versa.
There are a few reasons why I have my doubts about this research. For one thing, the study was done on college students aged 18-22. Now, I’m not saying that it’s not possible for those students to have experienced a lot since their first time, but… don’t you think this study would have made more sense if the researchers looked further into the future? As the Huffington Post states, “the average American boy loses his virginity at 16.9 and the average girl at 17.4.” Do the math: the people in this study probably haven’t even been having sex for very long. Your sex life can change so much as you get older! As HuffPo says, “All this study suggests is that a good first time can lead to good sex in your early 20s.”
The other reason why I’m not buying this is because I don’t know many people who have had a spectacular, amazing first time. And that’s not a bad thing! Losing your virginity can be awkward, a little uncomfortable and kind of confusing. And it’s supposed to be, because it’s the first time you’re having sex. How are you supposed to know what you’re doing?! Saying that those who felt nervous or anxious during their first time won’t have a great future sex life sounds ridiculous to me. Who wasn’t even a teensy bit nervous their first time?!
I think what this study may be trying to say is that our first time having sex affects our attitude towards sex in the future and not the actual sex. I guess that would make a little bit more sense, but I still don’t fully agree with it.
Yes, a traumatizing first time may negatively affect your sex life forever. But at the same time, there are a lot of people who have had bad first times and then learn to love and appreciate sex later in life. You could have an awesome first time with an amazing guy – but then later, you could sex with dudes who have no idea what they’re doing. The point is, sexual experiences are subjective and everyone’s first time is different… and for most people, it’s not perfect. And saying that a great first time equals great sex for the future? I’m not so sure about that.
Do you agree with this study? What was your first time having sex like? Did it set the tone for your future sex life? Tell me in the comments.